On a Roll

Chapter 4-1

Chapter 4

“I want to have s*x,” Beau announced, tossing himself onto Vin’s sofa. He kicked his feet up onto the wall, staring up at Vin’s framed Horse Head Nebula photo.

“Well, that’s sudden,” Vin said. He scanned the living room of his tiny apartment in a panicked flurry. Dirty clothes and empty Pepsi bottles battled it out to see which would take over the most carpet real estate. The dishes hadn’t been done in so long, he was actually considering buying a new set and just tossing the old ones. Again. And he really couldn’t remember the last time he’d changed the sheets. Vin winced, shame snuggling up against his throat, making him swallow the knot. His grandmother was constantly lecturing him—just because he had lots of money didn’t mean he needed to act like everything was disposable. He’d gotten that speech more than once, particularly just after he got his driver’s license and wrecked two cars in less than a month. Completely totaled.

He dragged his attention away from his messy living room to his guest.

“I didn’t mean you know, you. Right now,” Beau said, not looking over. Vin’s stomach took the express elevator to hell. “I just mean, in general. And I don’t know where to go for advice. It’s not like my brother’s birds and bees lecture covered how you go about picking a guy up at a bar. I mean, can you just do that? Are there ways to tell?”

Vin inhaled tightly through his nose, pinching his lips absolutely flat. There was no need to feel so empty. It wasn’t like he’d mentioned to Beau that he was interested. And Beau considered him a friend, a mentor. Try to be worthy of that much.

“You mean, ways to tell without getting the s**t kicked out of you by straight guys for hitting on them.” Vin’s voice was flat, unemotional. Or the best facsimile he could manage. He remembered his own first boyfriends; some good, some—well, if he was going to be honest, the first entire year was pretty bad.

“Yes…no…I just, you know, don’t want to make a mistake.”

“Well, if that’s all…” Sarcasm dripped from Vin’s mouth and formed a puddle at his feet. “Seriously, Beau, you’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to hit on the wrong guy, you’re going to f**k the wrong dude, you’re going to nurture a creepy ex-boyfriend who follows you around all semester because he’s convinced—convinced, mind you—that a ten-minute blowjob was the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and why why why must you take it away? The man of your dreams is going to hate you for what you are, and your best friend from high school is going to dump mashed potatoes on your head.”

“Project much, Vin?”

“The point is, s**t is going to happen. You can’t help that. There is nothing you can do to prevent a mistake: bad judgment, inexperience, other people doing what’s right for them. You can’t not make mistakes, unless you kill yourself right now, and while that, too, is a mistake, it’s the last one you’ll make. What you can do is figure it out, just like everyone else.”

“Gee, thanks, Mom.” Beau had rolled over, chin resting on his hands, elbows spread in an inverted V. “I’m not asking for long-term. I don’t want forever and ever. I want to get laid. I want to have screaming-crazy monkey-s*x that doesn’t involve me, some hand lotion, and my favorite uPorn channel. I’ll worry about a date to my brother’s wedding later.”

“Well, I can take you around, if you want. There are a few places in town that are relatively friendly, and I do know a lot of people. Hell, if you just want to get f****d, I’ll introduce you to Hector. He’s completely nonpicky, nonclingy, and while not an ideal long-term partner, he is a pretty fun guy to hang out with. As long as you don’t expect anything from him, he won’t expect anything of you,” Vin said, scratching at his chin. At least Hector wasn’t likely to turn into a rival. Hec was always after the latest shiny toy. Vin’s fingers rasped against the few days of peach stubble there. He had never been able to grow a decent beard, but he was rocking the stubble. Except it might be time to trim again; if he could actually tug on it, it was too long. Great, no wonder the kid doesn’t think of you as a potential. You look like hygiene was last on your list of priorities.

“You want to be my wingman? This weekend?”

No. “Absolutely, Beau. I’ll take you around.”