The Captain's Forbidden Mate

Episode 17: LEVERAGE

LENA

Cole shows up to my dorm the following afternoon, all messed up from his practice game, which is not exactly a surprise since he looks like he hasn't gotten much sleep that week. He's still in his practice gear when he arrives, his hair damp from the shower he probably took right after the rink, which makes me realize just how much he must have wanted to talk and why he was in such a hurry

"We need to talk," He tells me when I don't immediately invite him in, standing in the hallway, unsure of his welcome, which is completely understandable given the circumstances

"So talk."

I don't move, and he looks over my shoulder to where Astra is, and knows she's at class, and I'm being petty, if I'm being completely honest, but I'm not ready to let him in.

"I'm in a hallway."

"You said something like that last time, too." Cole sighed as he ran a hand over the back of his neck, looking down the hallway as if he was expecting someone to pop out and listen in. "Can we at least have a conversation that isn't in a hallway?"

"It's fine for me."

"Are you sure?"

"If you're here to tell me your father won't be forcing my presence at the family council meetings or demanding my compliance for some political maneuver I know nothing about then, yes."

He tells me the rest before sitting down on the edge of my bed, and I cross my arms over my chest as I listen, my stomach twisting with something dark and ugly at each word.

"So, let me make sure I understand correctly," I said once he was finished. "He wants to parade me and my presence in front of a council so that Ridgeview knows you claimed the last Corwin heir?" I shook my head. "Because you want to be politically expedient?"

"Your presence isn't a political move. I told him you're not a chess piece." said Cole.

"And what did he say to that?"

There was a pause. A long pause. "He didn't say anything."

"Right." I chuckled. "So, Damien tells me the truth to my face and pretends it's a manipulation, and your family tells you the same truth behind my back and pretends it's a strategy, and somehow, I'm supposed to believe, Cole, that your mate bond is the most honest version of that conversation?"

"I care about you."

His voice came out almost desperate, like the words had been clawing their way out of his throat for days. "None of this changes the fact that I care about you. I know this isn't enough, all of this, and that words out of my mouth aren't the things that will reassure you."

"Are they ever?"

"Maybe, I told him. Maybe, you and your father are both saying the exact same things, and I'm just more comfortable hearing it out of your mouth, knowing that it's not exactly true. Either way, I need you to understand, Cole, that I don't want this, okay? I don't want to be another thing, another token for your family to use, and I don't want to be claimed like some prize at this stupid ceremony, so I need to know, really know, that it's my choice to be there, that it's not something I have to do because it's what your father demands." I let out a pained laugh, rubbing at my temples. "All my life, I've been a pawn in games far bigger than myself. Between foster homes and scholarship committees and, apparently, my roommate, trying to keep an eye on me, I'm so goddamn tired of being someone else's token for them to use and throw away when there's no more value in me. So, please, Cole, tell me, does this matter to you?" I watched him closely. "Does it matter to you, or is it something your father wants?"

Something in his expression softened, if only for a moment, as if he understood something more deeply than before

"You don't have to come to the ceremony," he said quietly, almost as if he was apologizing. "Whatever it takes, I'll find a way to stall them. I do know that, but I'm not going to stand in front of my father's council if the only reason you're there is because of me, and you don't have another choice." He looked pained, as he said the words. I think, perhaps, this was the first true sign of his sincerity since the restaurant, because he actually looked as if he'd rather die than make it easy for me, make it less painful. "I wouldn't build something else between us on top of the next promise I can't keep." He swallowed hard. "I already broke one promise to you, so I'm not going to make it easier by making it look like I'm doing something because I have no other choice."

I regarded him for a long moment, the anger simmering in my chest cooling slightly as something else took its place, something less sharp and more...wistful, perhaps. "That's not what your father wants to hear coming out of your mouth."

"No, it isn't."

We stood there for a while, in the empty doorway, and I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but somehow, eventually, he nodded, a silent agreement, and turned to go.

"Cole," I said his name before I could stop myself. He paused, his back still to me, and I think, for the first time since we started dating, he looked genuinely surprised to hear my voice. "Thank you. For not making this harder than it already is." I think, in the end, Cole realized, just as I did, that that meant more than almost anything else he could have said in that moment.

"You don't have to thank me for not doing the bare minimum of being the worst boyfriend ever," he replied with a soft chuckle, rubbing at the back of his neck. There was a ghost of his old humor there, the one that had seemed to disappear entirely recently. "I've got a lot of ground to make up before 'the bare minimum' becomes 'someone trustworthy.'" His voice was tired as he turned away, and I watched him go, the weight in my chest lightening, telling myself it was because I was angry, if not entirely happy to see him leave.