Come here sugar
1161 Words
*Blaise*
I still, my breathing labored, sweat glistening over my trembling body, self-loathing and guilt increasing as I feel Lillian stiffen beneath me.
Ironically, I had held no thoughts of Olivia until her name escaped my lips, but I don’t think it would soothe Lillian’s hurt if I told her that. As a matter of fact, I can think of nothing to say, nothing to do that would ease the pain I have caused her, and hurting her was the last thing I had intended.
I ease off her. She rolls to her side, presenting me with her back, drawing her knees toward her chest. Reaching down, I pull up a blanket and cover her.
I get out of the bed, snatch up my britches, jerk them on, and head outside. I storm to the corral and slam the palm of my hand against the post. The sound of vibrating wood echoes around me. I hit the post again and again. I would have kicked it if I had thought to pull on my boots. I dig my fingers into the top railing of the corral, squeeze my eyes shut, and bow my head.
I could argue that I have been too long without a she-wolf, but the argument would be rift with lies because I know that if I had lain with a she-wolf that afternoon, I still would have wanted Lillian tonight.
She is so incredibly sweet, pure, and innocent... all the delightful aspects of youth that a man loses as he grows older. When I kissed her, felt the tentative touch of her tongue, I was the man I had been before prison. A man who believed in goodness.
She had touched the tender part of myself that I had locked away in solitary confinement in order to survive within prison walls. With her arms circling my neck, she had sent my good intentions to perdition and unleashed desires and needs that I had kept tightly reined.
And for those few moments of splendor, when I had held her close, the loneliness that always eats at my soul had ceased to feast.
Until I had carelessly whispered another’s name.
Then the loneliness had consumed me once again and invited guilt to the banquet.
I slam my palm against the post. Why in the hell had Olivia’s name escaped my lips? She hadn’t been in my thoughts. Hell, I hadn’t been thinking at all. I had just been feeling, feeling with an intensity I hadn’t experienced in years. Maybe that was the reason I had spoken her name. I had always associated deeply held emotion with Olivia.
And that sure as hell hadn’t been fair to Lillian.
I might have been able to forgive myself if I had something to offer her, but I have nothing. What she-wolf would want to be mated to a man fresh out of prison? A man who couldn’t prove his innocence?
I have no job, no prospects.
Within my mind, I see her golden eyes filled with trust. She had wanted the comfort I had to offer, and in taking it, she had given it back. I had never wanted to taste anything as much as I had wanted to taste her, to touch as much as I had wanted to touch her, to know... I find it impossible to believe so little time has passed since I first set eyes on her.
Again, I slam my palm against the post. A delicate hand covers mine as it grips the pillar.
“You’re gonna bust your hand if you’re not careful,” she says quietly.
My heart thunders so loudly that I barely hear the crickets chirping. Lillian stands in the pale moonlight, her gaze watchful. She has slipped into a nightgown and draped a blanket over her shoulders.
“Can’t see that it would be any great loss.” I mumble.
She takes my hand, turns it, and presses a kiss to my palm. “I disagree.”
“Lillian?” I still don’t know what to say.
“It’s all right. I was thinking of someone else as well.” She says.
Her words slice across my heart like a well-honed knife cutting deeply, the pain taking me off guard. I know I deserve them, know she has every right to say them, but I don’t like hearing them. “Who were you thinking of?”
She angles her chin defiantly. “Jake.”
I hear the slightest hesitation in her voice and know beyond any doubt that she is lying. Whether she is hoping to hurt me or salvage her pride, it doesn’t matter. I will give her back what I can.
“Then he’s a damn lucky man,” I say, surprised by the roughness in my voice.
She drops her gaze to her bare feet. “Anyway, there’s no reason for you to sleep out here. The barn is probably still damp.”
Even now, after I have hurt her, she is still more worried about me than herself. “Sleep doesn’t come easy for me.”
“For me either.” She admits.
I tilt up her face, and with my thumb, I wipe a glistening tear from the corner of her eye. “We’re a fine pair, aren’t we?”
She gives me a hesitant smile and nods. I cup her cheek and lower my mouth to hers, imparting with my kiss the apology she wouldn’t accept in words. She sways toward me and wraps her arms around my neck.
I trail my lips along her throat until I reach the curve of her shoulder. “Lillian, know that I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know.” She whispers.
I slip my arm beneath her knees and lift her into my arms. Cradling her close, I carry her into the house. With my foot, I close the door behind me and walk into the bedroom.
Carefully, I lay her on the bed. She curls on her side, and I drape the blanket over her. I walk to the other side of the bed. Without removing my trousers, I lie on top of the covers and wrap my arm around her.
She stiffens. I press my lips to the top of her head. “I’m just going to hold you, Lillian. Believe it or not, that’s all I had intended to do when I came into the house looking for you earlier.”
I hear her muffled sob and tighten my arms around her. Another sob comes. Gingerly, I turn her toward me. “Come here, Sugar.”
She rolls into the circle of my arms and presses her face against my chest. Her warm tears dampen my flesh.
“I’m sorry, Lillian. I’m so sorry.”
Her sobs grow louder, her tears flow more freely, and I can do little more than hold her closely, knowing I am the cause of her heartache.
- Writer
