The broken she-wolf - Healed by innocence

A gift

*Blaise*

Waiting has never been my strong suit. I thought the prison guards had beaten patience into me, but now that I'm once again my own man, no longer a slave of the state, impatience has become my companion.

I have spent three days walking the streets, talking to people in saloons. The seedier the saloon, the more hopeful I am that I will glean some information. Although Rowan Windscar appeared upstanding to many in the community, he possessed a darker side that curdles my gut. I have to admit that it doesn’t bother me that the man came to an untimely end. My only regret is that I was the one to pay for it.

I hoped by now that I would have had a glimmer of information. I walk past the post office and approach the Kreydenweiss stables. I need to ride fast and hard over the hills, to feel Black Thunder’s hooves pounding the ground beneath me, taking me away from an elusive quest toward... an unknown future.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a slight movement and shift my gaze. A boy no older than seven is pulling a wooden wagon along the boardwalk. A sign hangs over the side of the wagon.

PUPPIES 4 SALE

2 BITS

I change directions, amble across the street, and easily catch up with the boy. “What you got here?” I ask.

The boy grinds to a halt and furrows his brow. “Don’t you read?”

I smile. “Yeah, I do. What kind of dogs are these?”

Confusion fills the boy’s brown eyes as he swipes his nose with his sleeve. “The kind that’s got four legs and a tail.”

Smothering a grin, I hunker down beside the wagon. The boy obviously doesn’t know a lot about breeding. I peer at the two puppies tumbling over each other. The tiny brown and white one catches my fancy. I scoop it up and study it from all angles.

“That one’s a boy,” the child tells me.

“Yeah, I can see that. How big was his mama?”

The boy holds his hand level with his waist. “’Bout this big.”

“Think he will be a good hunting dog?”

The boy nods his head briskly. I figure he doesn’t know if the dog will be good at hunting, but he needs to get rid of him. The puppy squirms, yips, and gnaws on my thumb. A fighter. I like that. “I’ll take this one.”

“The other one’s better,” the boy says.

“Why is that?”

“On account of the other one’s a girl. If you git her, some day you can git more dogs that won’t cost you nothing.”

Grinning, I unfold my body and reach into my pocket for a quarter. “I only need one.”

I hand the silver coin to the boy. “Don’t spend it all in one place,” I say, tucking the dog beneath my arm.

Feeling more content than I have in days, I amble to the livery and have one of the workers saddle Black Thunder. I mount the horse and settle the dog into the crook of my thigh. Then I turn the stallion west and prod him into an easy lope.

I reach my destination just as the sun begins to paint its farewell across the sky. It's been a long time since I have thought of the sunset as anything but the sun going down, yet I almost imagine I hear the fiery ball announcing the end of its daily journey.

My heart pounds as the weathered house comes into view, and I bring Black Thunder to a walk. I see Lillian sitting on the porch, her elbows on her knees, her chin cradled in her palms as she gazes into the distance. Her braid is draped over her shoulder, curling near her waist. As though sensing my presence, she straightens and looks in my direction. Slowly, she rises to her feet, a tentative smile playing across her lips. "Hello."

My heart feels as though someone has just closed a meaty fist around it. I draw the horse to a halt near the porch. "Howdy."

She crosses one bare foot over the other and puts her hands behind her back, causing the worn material of her dress to stretch taut across her breasts. My mouth goes as dry as the West Texas wind in August.

"Did you find the man you were looking for?" she asks.

"No." I admit.

She peers around Black Thunder, obvious curiosity furrowing her delicate brow. "What are you holding?"

I glance at my thigh. "Dog."

Dismounting, I remember a time when I could have spoken more than one word without my throat closing off. She had urged me not to return, and I had been leery of the welcome she would bestow upon me. I wouldn't have blamed her for leveling her rifle at me and pulling the trigger this time. Cradling the animal in my palm, I extend it toward her. "It's for you."

Tears well in her eyes, and her smile falters before returning brighter than before. She takes the puppy and rubs it against her cheek. "He's beautiful."

She drops to the porch and sets the dog on her lap, running her small hands over the brown and white fur, and I know a pang of envy.

She leans close to the dog. "Do you have a name?"

His pink tongue snakes out and licks her chin, her nose. Lillian laughs and I feel a shaft of pure joy pierce my soul. She looks up at me. "Does he have a name?"

I ease down to the porch, keeping a respectful distance, knowing it's ludicrous to even worry about respectability after all we have shared. "Between town and here, I was calling him Two-bits. That's what he cost me."

"Two-bits," she repeats as she scratches behind the dog's short ears. The dog's body visibly quivers, and it releases a little sound deep in its throat that has me shifting my butt on the porch, wondering what it would take to get Lillian to rub her hands over me.

She peers at me. "Thank you."

"My pleasure." It truly is my pleasure to see her eyes shining like gold touched by the sun, and I wish I had more to offer her. She turns her attention back to the dog, and I shift my gaze to the sunset, realizing why I have come here. In town, surrounded by people, the loneliness had sharpened and grown. But here on this porch, sitting beside this she-wolf, the loneliness eases away.

"Were you and Olivia engaged?"

I snap my head around and meet her hesitant gaze. She licks her lips. “I was just curious. I always thought I would know everything there was to know about a man before I… ”

Even in the fading light, I see the embarrassment flaming her cheeks. I watch her swallow.

“It just seems to me that we… we got ahead of ourselves,” she says softly.

She struggles to hold my gaze, and my heart goes out to her. I owe her. More than I could ever pay. Leaning forward, I plant my elbows on my thighs and clasp my hands tightly together. “No, we weren’t engaged. We had talked about getting married, but we never announced it. Guess I thought the talking about it etched it in stone, and that wasn’t the way of it.”

“Did you know the man she married?” She asks.

“He was my best friend.”

Sympathy fills her eyes. “That must have been so hard to lose Olivia and your best friend.”

I shrug. “I always told Riley that he needed to take care of Olivia if I couldn’t. Reckon he took my instructions to heart.” I work my jaw back and forth, knowing I should stop there, but this she-wolf has a way about her that makes me want to continue. “They’ve got a son. That hurt, seeing him for the first time. Until then, I thought… ”

She leans toward me. “What did you think?”

My mouth grows dry, and I stare at the scuffed toes of my boots. “That maybe she wasn’t lying in Riley’s arms at night.” I unclasp my hands, afraid the tension radiating through me would snap a bone.

“Do you think she is happy?” She asks.

I wipe my sweating hands on my thighs. “I hope she is.” Peering over at her, I give her a sad smile. “Truly I hope she is.”

Reaching out, she threads her fingers through mine. “I imagine she wishes the same for you.”

Strangely, I think she is probably right. I close my fingers gently around hers and rub the thumb of my free hand back and forth across her knuckles. “So tell me about Jake.”

She draws her brows together. “Jake?”

Unwarranted joy shoots through me, and I have to fight like the devil to keep the smile buried deep within my chest, to keep my face serious. I’d suspected that there had been no Jake in her life. “Yeah, Jake. Remember? You were thinking about him.”

Her eyes widen. “Oh, Jake.”

She tries to pull her hand from mine, but I tighten my grip. “So tell me about him.”

The dog tumbles out of her lap, hits the ground with a yip, and pounces after a bug. Lillian stops struggling and lowers her gaze to her bare toes. “There is no Jake.”

I slip my finger beneath her chin and tilt her face back until her gaze meets mine. “I suspected as much.”

“Why? Because I’m so plain?” She mumbles.

“You’re not plain, Lillian. There’s something about you… a sweetness that just bubbles up from deep inside you. It touches your eyes, your lips. Once a man had gained your affections, hewould be a fool to leave you.” I graze my thumb over her full lower lip. “I have been known to be a fool.”

“You say that as though you had gained my affections. If you believe that, you assume too much. I don’t even know you. I was hurting and needed comfort. You offered, and as wrong as it was, I took. That’s all.”

“Was it wrong, Lillian?”

In the encroaching darkness, I still see the tears welling in her eyes as she nods briskly.

“Why did you have to say her name?” she rasps. “Now, I can’t even pretend you wanted me. I know you were thinking of someone else.” She shoots off the porch like a bullet fired from a rifle. She waves her hand dismissively in the air. “It doesn’t matter. You used me. I used you.” She scoops up the dog and hugs it close against her breast. “You don’t owe me anything.”

But it does matter, and I do owe her because I don’t think Lillian Greenmedow could use someone if her life depended on it. I come slowly to my feet, my gaze never leaving hers. “Maybe I owe me something.”

“What does that mean?” she asks.

“I’m not sure.” I mount Black Thunder and touch my finger to the brim of my hat. “Take care, Miss Greenmedow.”

I set my heels to my horse’s sides and send him into a lope. I have spent five years thinking about an auburn-haired, blue-eyed beauty. I don’t intend to spend the rest of my life thinking about a golden-eyed, blond-haired she-wolf who has touched me one night and sent all my common sense to perdition.

I have given her the damn dog. I have nothing else to offer her. And she’s right. Even my heart isn’t free.