The broken she-wolf - Healed by innocence

A sad farewell

*Lillian*

By nightfall, I'm exhausted but feel a measure of peace. Over half the barn lies in smoldering ashes.

I lay in my bed, curled beneath the covers, listening as Blaise moves around in the front room. After supper, he dragged in the bathtub and helped me fill it with hot water. While he tended to his horse and drenched the ashes once more, I enjoyed the luxurious warmth of the water and pampered myself by using some French soap I had hoarded away in my hope chest.

After I dried off and threw on a clean nightgown, I opened the door to discover him sitting on the steps.

"Would you mind if I took a bath?" he asked quietly, and I couldn't ignore that plea in his eyes imploring me to trust him any more than I could ignore the sun rising over the horizon.

So now he's bathing, and all I can think about is the water gliding over a chest that I've touched. I imagine him shaving, combing his hair, and slipping on his britches.

I wonder where he will bed down tonight, and continually ask myself where I want him to sleep. I hear several bumps followed by a scrape and know that he's emptying the tub and taking it outside. I hold my breath, waiting, listening, wondering.

The house grows silent. Rolling over, I press my face to the pillow in an effort to hide my disappointment. He has left me alone.

*Blaise*

I walk around the house numerous times, searching for the ever elusive sleep. I know from experience it will be long after midnight before I find it.

Besides, I need to air out. Lillian used some fancy smelling bath salts, and although they smell sweet on her, they reek to high heaven on me. Dear Goddess, if my brothers caught a whiff of me now, I would never hear the end of it.

That thought has me turning northwest, staring at a part of Texas that rests beyond my vision. I wonder what my brothers are doing. No doubt, whatever it is, they're doing it with their mates. I don’t begrudge them the love they have in their lives, but I do envy that they have the joy of sleeping with a she-wolf every night… simply sleeping with her.

I have never slept with a she-wolf through the night until last night. I found it incredibly comforting to listen to Lillian’s soft even breathing once her tears had subsided.

I wish I had never caused the tears. I look at the silhouette of the remaining barn. At least I can repay her by taking away some of her painful memories… memories I wish she had never possessed.

With a deep sigh, I head for the porch where I had stored my gear earlier before I began tearing down the barn. I think about laying my pallet out beneath the stars, but prison taught me to appreciate fine moments when they come along. And it has been a long time since I’ve known anything finer than Lillian Greenmedow.

*Lillian*

I hear the door open and hold my breath. I had long ago given up on Blaise joining me and had extinguished the flame in the lamp. Now only pale moonlight spills into the room. I listen to the soft tread of his bare feet growing nearer. I feel the bed dip beneath his weight.

He lies on top of the covers as he did last night. His arm comes around me, firm and heavy. I feel his bare chest warming my back through my nightgown. He presses his cheek against the top of my head. I hear what I think is a quiet sigh of contentment followed by a soft snore.

For a man who claims sleep doesn’t come easily, he has fallen asleep incredibly quickly. Content, I close my eyes and drift into sleep.

*Blaise*

I wake near dawn. Sometime during the night, Lillian has rolled over. Her cheek is pressed against my chest, her hand curled over my side. Her warm breath fans over my skin. This morning her face isn't splotchy from crying and her nose isn't red. The temptation to awaken her with a kiss and make love to her is almost more than I can resist.

But I have hurt her once. I won't risk doing it again. She deserves a man whose heart isn't tethered to the past.

She will never find a man like that if she continues to live here alone. What had the bastard who murdered her family done to her? I know he hadn't r***d her but he had made her do something that haunted her. Callie had been right when she told me that not all prisons come with walls. I deeply wish I possessed the key that would set Lillian free from the past.

She sighs and snuggles closer against me. I am tempted to stay here all day, just holding her, listening to the little noises she makes, enjoying the scent of flowers that is part of her, but I know myself well enough to know my resistance is weakening.

And if I made love to her again, I would have to stay. The first time, a shared need for comfort had propelled us. The guilt still gnaws at me, but in some strange way, I can justify walking away. But if my needs alone drove me to bury myself deeply inside her...

I press my lips to her temple. I need to be gone by nightfall.

*Lillian*

I watch Blaise work as though the hounds of hell nipped at his heels. The planks of wood fall to the ground with a steady rhythm. And with each thud, I know he is that much closer to leaving.

Near dusk, we stand and watch the glowing embers slowly die. I wrap my arms around my middle. "I should have done this a long time ago." I turn and meet his gaze. "Thank you."

He touches my cheek. Smiling wryly, he drops his hand to his side. "You had a bit of soot on your cheek. Thought I could clean it off, but I just made it worse. Seems to be a habit of mine where you're concerned."

"Guess a bath is in order then." I mumble.

He taps his hat against his thigh. "Not for me. Not tonight."

He strides past me to the porch. My heart tightens as he lifts his saddle and with long sure strides, approaches the stallion.

"Surely, you will want to eat before you leave," I say even though I know the longer he stays, the harder it will be to watch him go.

"I will get something in town." He says.

I wring my hands together. "It will be midnight before you get there."

"I will find something." He cinches the saddle and drops the stirrup. He slings the saddlebags over the horse's rump.

"Promise me you will have a doctor look at your back." I say.

He stills. "I'm not worth your worry, Lillian."

"Promise me," I repeat obstinately.

He glances over his shoulder and smiles, the first genuine smile I have seen cross his face, and it very nearly steals my breath away. I wish he had given it to me at noon instead of in the fading twilight where it would be nothing but a shadowed memory.

"I promise," he says.

"You keep your promises, don't you?" I mumble.

He nods, "Every one I've ever made."

"Then promise me that you will take care of yourself as well." I demand.

"Only if you promise to do the same." He says.

I nod, my throat constricting with all that remained unsaid. How could I have been intimate with a man and not know how to tell him everything that I want him to know?

"Think about moving to town," he says quietly.

"I can't." I tell him.

He sighs, "A she-wolf like you deserves more than memories in her life."

"You need to get going before it gets much darker," I whisper, the tears stinging the backs of my eyes.

"When I'm finished with my business in Blaise, I could stop back by here?" He says softly.

"No." I shake my head emphatically. "It would be best if you didn't."

"I'm going to worry about you, Sugar," he says in a low voice as though he isn't comfortable admitting his concern.

"I'll be fine," I assure him.

He gives a brusque nod and, with one lithe movement, swings up into his saddle. "If you need to get in touch with me for any reason, I will be staying at the Driskill Hotel."

"That's a fancy hotel." I mumble.

"So I hear."

He touches the tip of his finger to the brim of his hat. "Miss Greenmedow, you are without a doubt, the sweetest she-wolf I have ever known."

He sends his black stallion into a gallop.

I watch until he disappears in the fading twilight. Then I drop to my knees and weep. He is wrong. A she-wolf like me doesn't deserve more than memories in her life.

I deserve to hang.