The Edge of Creation

Painful Memories

    "Please Am.G... I'm so sorry.. I never meant to hurt you." 

There is was. That annoying squeaky sound that follows me around everyday. I was awaiting its arrival. Can't a girl eat her lunch in peace? Oh yeah. No. Not this girl. Not me. 

    "Go away Derrick. She obviously doesn't want to speak to you much less have to look at your unnerving face while she attempts to eat this trash the school calls food." My best friend Kyla half yells and half.. well.. yeah no she pretty much just yelled that with no filter or care in the world about the hundreds of other students in the cafeteria who were now staring intently towards our table. 

    "You can't always speak for her Kyla! She's her own person with her own mind and her own voice to talk with... a beautiful voice... I miss her voice.. Oh gosh! Please talk to me Amelia! I don't know how much longer I can go before I lose my mind!" Does he ever stop? Nope. I know for a fact that when he wants something he doesn't give in until he gets it. Or at least gets something better. I guess for the better part of two years that was the only thing I really knew about him. 

*Sigh* Maybe if he looses his mind he'll forget all about bugging me and move on! Yeah I really need to cut down on the wishful thinking. Its like a karma for me. The opposite of what I want is always what I get. Ugh. I guess I can't avoid him forever. I stand up and look to him, then turn around and head straight for the back door of the caf. I know he knows where I'm going because we used to sneak out and go to this same spot during our study hall. I didn't need to glance behind me to know he was right on my heels and Kyla was rolling her eyes. We reach the small round wooden table with chipped paint and old chewed up gum on it. This was our spot. We would come here with some cheap paint and draw pictures of the most interesting thing we had saw that day so far. Then we would tell each other about how our day was going and how much we loved each other. When it was time to part ways we would take some gum, chew it up, and make a wish about what we want our days to be like the next day and then we would stick it on the table. And if our wish came true then we would take the gum off and throw it away. Sounds gross I know. But it was a precious thing to us. 

    "Say what you need to say Derrick. I'll sit here and bare with you for the next five minuets then I'm walking back inside and going back to pretending you don't exist." I said each word calmly and anger free. Because I'm not really angry. I'm disappointed. 

    "Okay... So I know I messed up.. I should have told you and talked with you about it. I promise I only did it a couple times. And each time I felt like s**t. I regretted it immediately afterwards and I wanted so bad to take it back.." He sounds like a dog begging for food. How pitiful. 

    "Derrick, I talked to Ty. He told me you would go over almost every weekend and do it with him. At least he has the guts to be honest with me about it. And its not about the fact that you didn't tell me or talk to me about it. It's the fact that you did it to begin with. That you put yourself in that situation. You knew how I would feel. Better yet you knew how dangerous and addictive those drugs can be! How it could f**k you up so bad you cant even remember your own name! The more you do them the worse you get and next thing you know your dea.... It doesn't matter. I don't even know who you are anymore. Your not the sweet and kind boy I fell in love with before. Your a petty liar who doesn't give a s**t about anybody other than himself." I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks as I looked away from him and walked passed him. Screw this. It's embarrassing enough everybody knows about it but I wont let them see me cry. I reach the back parking lot instead of the front entrance to the school and get in my car. I sit there for a couple minuets recalling old, painful memories.. not of Derrick. But of my father.. I wish I could go back and change the past.. Shaking away the thoughts I start my car and begin to drive home. Pretending I didn't just see a figure of a man watching me through the trees. Its probably Derrick still trying to come up with a way for me to forgive him.