The Third Person (English)

Part 13

I follow Melati’s advice to help her prepare for Adi’s needs. Like she said that night, she will help make Adi love me. I don’t know if this will work, I am not sure about this plan. But there is no harm in trying, right?

This morning, I preparedprepare breakfast for us: seafood fried rice and carrot juice. At five o’clock in the morning after praying, I was already struggling in the kitchen preparing the ingredients for today’s dish. Melati comes down while I am sautéing the spices.

“It smells so good, Anye. So, you’re making fried rice?” she asks as she stands beside me.

“Yeah, I am confused about what to cook, actually,” I reply, still busy stirring the spices so they don’t burn.

“What can I do for you?” Melati offers.

“No need, thanks. I’ll do it,” I refuse. “Is Adi awake?” I ask back.

“Yeah, taking a shower.”

I catch a glimpse of Melati’s appearance. Ah, her hair is damp. That means something happened with them last night. And there it is again, a tingle of pain that creeps into my heart.

You can’t be jealous, Anyelir.

I return to focus on my cooking. I add the shrimps while keep stirring.

“How many chilies did you add, Nye?” asks Melati.

“Ah, I only add five.”

“Oh, thank God. Adi doesn’t really like spicy things.”

I nod in understanding. Having lived a few months of my life with him — even though with the lingering distance between us — I am not completely clueless about my husband.

“Well, if there’s nothing I can do to help, I’ll leave then. The laundry is piling up.”

Melati steps back as soon as I reply. I’m busy with my cooking which is almost done. I putI’ve put the rice a few minutes ago, added soy sauce, a little tomato sauce, and salt. I just need a few more minutes until the spices are absorbed perfectly.

After cooking, I move to peel carrots, putting them into the juicer after adding milk, and then I blend them. The blender whirrs loudly, filling the silence of this pastel-dominated kitchen, making me unaware of Adi’s arrival beside me. Adi looks neat in a denim shirt and cream-colored chinos. His hair is wet as I thought earlier when I saw Melati’s hair was wet as well. They have... yeah, that is.

Adi pours himself a glass of water from the teapot, brings it to the dining table, and then sits there. I keep watching him with the tail of my eye.

The juice I’m making is already well mixed. I turn off the blender then immediately pour it into the three glasses that I have prepared before. I turn around to find Adi playing with his phone.

Aware of being watched, Adi looks up from his phone. Our gazes then meet. Adi offers me his charming smile, while I – who is awkward for being in the same room with him, alone, though not for the first time – can only smile thinly, especially after I shunned him and Melati a few days ago. It makes me feel even more awkward now. Adi might find me selfish or something, but I loathe Adi’s excessive fondness for Melati.

“Are you done cooking?” asks Adi then.

“Yes.”

“Can I have a taste?”

The smile on my face breaks even wider, hearing Adi’s words. In the next breath, the anger that has burnt my chest these days now vanishes with no trace, replaced with a hope that Adi will love me.

I get fried rice and drinks ready for the three of us. After serving it on the table, I sit on the left side.

“It looks delicious,” says Adi.

I don’t answer. My eyes are locked upon the stairs, waiting for Melati to appear. But still, there’s no sign of her coming down.

Is she still doing the laundry in the back?

Adi coughs on the first try. I immediately hand him a glass of water which he gulps down quickly.

“How many chilies did you put, Nye?” Adi looks annoyed. Her white face is now flushed red from the burning taste, making me feel guilty at once.

My body suddenly falters. The first day of trying to get Adi’s attention has undoubtedly failed after all this time I’ve been trying to ignore it. I want to cry, but I don’t want to look weepy in front of him.

“You know it, don’t you know that I can’t eat anything too spicy!” Adi raises his voice a little. His eyes are sharp on me.

“What’s the fuss.” Melati appears from the back of the house. I thought she headed back to her room. Melati looks at us in turns with high curiosity. “Honey, what’s wrong?” she asks softly. Her right-hand moves to stroke Adi’s arm. I know Melati intends to calm down his annoyance.

“Sit down and taste it.” Adi hands him the plate of fried rice. His face, which had flushed earlier, has gradually gone down. However, his irritation doesn’t seem to have gone away.

Melati calmly obeys. She sits gracefully on Adi’s right side. Adi slides the plate closer to her then she slowly tastes my cooking.

“It’s delicious,” she comments.

Adi snorts. “Now you also forget that I can’t eat spicy food!” Only this time I see Adi raiseraises his voice at his favorite wife.

“Honey.” Melati softens her voice even more. “Anyelir has cooked for us. Appreciate it. Maybe she forgot that you couldn’t eat spicy food. Just add soy sauce to tone it down.” Melati’s gaze turns to me. “Next time, don’t add too much chili, okay.”

I can only nod in resignation. Feelings of disappointment mixed with sadness hit me again for the umpteenth time. Adi says he would change his attitude towards me, his indifference and ignorance. But... Oh God, I try as hard as I can not to shed a single tear. Just because of the spicy fried rice, he yelled at me. Can’t he appreciate my efforts just a bit?

“Mel, I just want bread for breakfast. Can you pass me the peanut butter?” Adi asks Melati.

“Di, don’t waste the fried rice.”

“You eat it then.”

Melati exhales. “Alright.” The woman gives up, then smiles at me. I’m sure Melati feels bad for me. Her face tells it so.

I have lost my appetite. Moving out of my chair, ignoring Melati’s question, I take the lunchbox and put my breakfast into it. I decide to have breakfast at work.

*****

This morning incident successfully ruined my mood until noon. I even entered the wrong data several times because I lack focus. And many times, too, Marta asked me about the problem befalling me this time that makes me like a living corpse today. I purposely turn on my “speech saving mode” and spend more time drowned in my reverie.

As the recess bells echo across the building, people rush out to fill their stomachs. I instead slump my face on the table, resting on my folded hands.

I feel so tired of everything I’m going through right now. I want to disappear, go as far as possible from Jakarta or Bandung, but I don’t have anyone left outside the two cities. Nor do I dare risk living alone in an unfamiliar place, with no relatives to lean on. Avoiding Adi is indeed the best solution because to be apart from him is not as easy as I imagined.

“Anyelir.” Marta’s soft voice calls.

“Just go take a break, Ta. I’m not hungry,” I say while maintaining my position.

“Still don’t want to tell me?”

“Later, when I’m ready. I want to be alone now, Ta.”

“Alright.” Marta gives up, although I am sure that before returning home later, she will drag me somewhere for interrogation.

The afternoon seems to visit early even though I go through the day with no enthusiasm. Marta and I walk together as usual to the parking lot where my motorbike is parked. Yes, this morning Adi didn’t drop me at the office because of the fried rice incident.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna go somewhere before going home?” Marta’s words stifle me as I’m about to wear my helmet.

I look at her. Marta is already staring at me with a look of pity. I don’t want her to be, honestly, but what can I do. When I’m having a problem, or something happens and makes me sad, angry, and disappointed, I can’t hide it becausecauses it shows clearly on my face.

“Sorry, Ta...”

“You don’t need to apologize for not telling me,” Marta interrupts. “I won’t force you either, as long as you don’t drag yourself into agony. I hate to see it.”

I can’t help smiling, even though I’m sure my smile looks weird. I am grateful to have a friend as kind and caring as Marta.

“That’s it, smile. I’ve had enough with your sulking face since morning.”

“Forgive me.”

“No more apologies. No need. You don’t owe me any.” Marta rubs my arm lightly. “Later, when you’re ready to tell the story, I’m ready to be a good listener. The door to my shared housesharehouse is open for you 24 hours. My phone is always on.”

I just nod at that. After that, we part ways at the main gate of the factory and return to our homes in different directions.

*****

Once I get home, Adi’s car seems to have been parked in the garage. I take a deep long breath, then sigh slowly, preparing for the worst possibilities I may face once I step inside. Mayhaps Adi will disfavor me even more. Or, I don’t know, I am confused by Adi’s drastic change of attitude. He’s just like a chameleon to me.

Entering the living room, I feel the atmosphere of the house is so quiet. Only the sound of the clock ticking, breaking the silence of this house. I rush my steps further inside, passing the living room. Still, only silence is welcoming me. Adi is not there. The TV is not turned on either.

A feeling of relief washes me, thinking that I don’t have to face Adi right now.

I opt to go to the kitchen first to get a drink before going to my room. After that, I will shut myself up to avoid Adi. Not that I’m afraid. I’m just too lazy to deal with his cold attitude towards meto me. Again.

While pouring water from the teapot into the glass, I hear someone’s footsteps approaching me. Without having to turn around, I know who is now standing behind me. I already recognized it from the scent. The perfume that smells like cinnamon, or like orange, but I don’t know for sure.

“Already home?” he simply asks, as if he had made no mistake this morning and yesterday about the ring.

“Yes,” I reply without turning around.

Now I’m conflicting, whether to stay here to face him or run away to my room. If I stay in this kitchen any longer, that means I have to get ready to face Adi with all his unpredictable attitudes.

Finally, I turn around and face Adi while keeping a distance. I see him, neatly dressed in a semi-formal shirt on his sturdy body. I don’t miss his leather watch. Adi gets ready to go out again, I assume.

“Tonight, you don’t need to cook.” I look at him, waiting for the next words. “I’m going with Melati to her best friend’s party,” he explains, which immediately makes me think of the night they celebrated Melati’s birthday without my knowing.

Can’t I be suspicious of the two of them, that they’re going to have another romantic dinner, but lying to me again saying they’re going to someone’s party?

By Allah, if it happens again, I don’t know how my heart can take it. Shattered, broken beyond repair, never to be fixed again. Or maybe it’ll go numb, unable to stand the pain of being treated unfairly.

“Her best friend’s party or whatever, I don’t care. After all, even if you both go out for dinner AGAIN,” I purposely emphasize that word. “I have no right to know because I am nobody in this house,” I cynically finish my sentence.

Adi’s jaws tighten. I piss him off on purpose and I don’t care. After all, he doesn’t care about my feelings, either. For once, he promised to act fairly, but in fact...

“Oh, someone’s bringing up that problem, I see.” Adi smiles derisively. “Or someone is jealous for not being invited?” he scoffs.

His words strike me right in the heart. Obviously, the answer is yes, I am jealous. But can’t he just stop his mouth from mocking me? I still stare at him closely, trying not to be provoked by the sentence. Still, the pain that is throbbing inside my heart is responded by the brain, and orders my eyes to produce tears. I hold back the tears, still not wanting to look weak in front of him.

“Not at all,” I argue.

Adi raises an eyebrow. One of his lips is now drawn upwards, forming a smile of disdain.

“Good.”

“Now, I know, you are just the same. You’re both great liars. “

“What do you mean?” Adi glares at me sharply.

I smile bitterly. “You said you would be fair to us. But in fact? You still give Melati more attention. And Melati... she said she would help me win your attention. But in fact, she is monopolizing you. Like tonight, you both lie to me for your own sake. You said you were going to someone’s party, even though you’re going out for dinner together.”

Continued.