Shooting Stars

Chapter 3

Chapter 3Jasper walks into the bedroom, intending to keep walking and force Ryan to stare at him naked all night, except there’s a suit bag hanging on the mirror that steals his attention. On the front of the bag is a sticky note saying, wear me. Jasper unzips the bag and touches the dark blue velvet suit.

“Let me get dressed first, and then I need you to keep yourself busy for a while,” Ryan says, walking out of the bathroom in black suit pants, buttoning up his white dress-shirt. The sight of him alone is a challenge to Jasper’s self-control.

“Can I sit at the piano and practice some songs, or do you need me to hang out in here getting into Twitter fights because I’m bored?” Jasper asks, thinking he might be able to distract himself from thirsting over Ryan if he can throw himself into some music.

“That depends.”

“On?”

Ryan grins over at Jasper. “Whether you have the self-control to be sitting out there minding your own business.”

Jasper’s pretty sure Ryan has him under some kind of spell right now, because everything he says and does manages to come across alluring. Jasper turns back to the suit, unable to even look at his boyfriend.

Truthfully, though Jasper likes the idea of stringing Ryan along by flaunting himself in front of him, he hopes Ryan will put them both out of the pain of this new game of resistance Jasper has decided to play.

* * * *

It is a challenge to sit at the piano, looking out at the city, ignoring the temptation to sneak a glance over his shoulder at what Ryan is doing. Blake had texted a few times, though he wasn’t helping keep Jasper distracted. The first message was teasing him again for having s*x. After Jasper didn’t reply, he received a more heartfelt text.

Blake: For real though, dude. I’m happy for you and you can talk about it with me.

Given Ryan already assumes Jasper tells Blake everything, Jasper feels inclined to at least make it a full day without reporting on their s*x life to his best friend.

For a while, Jasper watches his fingers on the piano, but the promise ring keeps breaking his concentration. Especially because he’s now wondering if what Ryan is preparing is a proposal of his own. Every time he gets caught up in wondering what he’ll do if Ryan does propose an official engagement, it causes him to mess up and he ends up frustrated. At one point, Ryan even comes over to ask if he’s okay, because he’s made a mistake for the umpteenth time and rage played a bunch of keys while groaning, before finishing the cacophony by dropping his head down and letting the resounding hum of mashed noise shut his brain up.

He’s not even sure it matters if Ryan proposes. On one hand, Jasper’s interest in marriage is so minimal he’s indifferent to the idea of accepting an engagement. On the other, Ryan deserves more than his indifference. Ryan deserves excitement and a tearful, confident, “nothing on the planet would please me more,” type of yes. The thought of faking enthusiasm to avoid letting Ryan down has his stomach in knots.

Jasper hoped the promise rings would be enough to satisfy Ryan’s need for commitment. There’s not an ounce of doubt in his mind and heart that he wants to spend a lifetime loving Ryan, but they still have a lot to work out. They’ve moved on from the problems that tore them apart before his return, but it doesn’t mean those problems aren’t still here. Damien hasn’t come up in conversation yet. They can’t avoid talking about him forever, but Jasper doesn’t know how he’ll react if it turns out Ryan’s not shut his ex out for good. Then, of course, Jasper ambushed Damien and demanded he leave them alone, and found out details about his and Ryan’s break-up that he knows he should tell Ryan about.

Jasper closes his eyes, trying to force Ryan’s ex out of his head before this love song turns bitter. He’s so deep in thought that when he finally finishes drafting the melody, he finds Ryan standing by the piano with a soft smile on his face, holding two glasses of champagne.

Ryan passes Jasper a glass. “That was beautiful. What’s the song about?”

“I don’t know yet.” Jasper takes a sip and sighs. “The lyrics haven’t come to me.” It’s a lie, the lyrics are just a mess in his head. There’s a mixture of well thought out and sweet lines about making love, and vulgar descriptors he’s yet to think of better ways to word. He’s not even sure he’ll get away with a song about s*x, and he’s not sure he even wants to share such personal feelings with the world. This might be a song he sings only in his heart. Maybe one day he’ll share it with Ryan.

He gets up from the piano and Ryan takes his hand, leading him over to the dinner table where lit candles reveal the delicious-smelling meal set out before them. Ryan pulls out a chair and though Jasper can’t deny he adores this treatment, it’s all making him suspicious.

The moment Ryan sits, Jasper can tell something is going on. Luckily, Ryan doesn’t keep him waiting in suspense for too long, but he starts the conversation by giving Jasper a near heart attack.

“I have some news.”

“Good news or bad news?” Jasper twirls the ring on his finger, unable to stop his thoughts from spiraling that his world is about to fall apart. That he’s vulnerable enough in the depth of his love for Ryan that he’d be destroyed if he lost him now. That insecurity makes him want to shut down. Put up every wall. Change himself into whoever he has to be to keep him.

Ryan sighs, seeming unsure how to get started. “When Kelsey and I didn’t get through to the finals of Dancers and Dreamers, someone approached us and sort of made us an offer? Well, I suppose it was more of an invitation. They invited us to audition for Chicago on Broadway.”

Jasper’s momentary anxiety evaporates. “Oh my God, Ry. Broadway? That’s incredible. You’ve gotta audition.” Jasper pauses, reining in his excitement a bit. “I mean, you want to audition, don’t you?”

Ryan runs his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. I was dancing shirtless and serving drinks in a gay bar, and at bachelorette parties a few years ago. I never expected to get out of that. Broadway was never an option I even considered. I never dreamed that big, you know?”

Jasper gives an encouraging smile. “Okay, but you’ve had time to think about it now. Is Broadway something you’d like to do? Because to me it sounds like an amazing opportunity for you.”

A smile covers Ryan’s face, and the nervous excitement in it is beyond gorgeous. “I do love musicals,” is all he says but the way his face has lit up seems like a definitive answer.

“So…?”

“But I feel bad about the band. I mean, I just got back. And everyone has been patient and supporting me, while I’ve been stuffing them around and letting everyone down.”

Jasper reaches across the table and rests his hand on Ryan’s. “No, Ry. Trust me. It’s a band, not a cult. You don’t owe us your eternal commitment. We are in the band because singing is our passion. We like performing for our fans. For me and Blake, we thrive on the drama of it all and it’s fulfilling our unhealthy need for constant attention and admiration. Simon and Luke, not so much, but they deal with it because it comes with doing the thing they love. It’s fine that it’s not your thing. They’ll understand. I’m pretty sure at this point we’re all aware the band isn’t right for you. Nobody is gonna begrudge you for wanting to follow your passion. Besides, you’ve gotta live for yourself. If this is something you wanna do, then don’t let anything stop you.”

“I don’t even know if I’ll get cast.” Ryan shakes his head, though he’s still smiling. “I don’t know. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but also…I think I’d enjoy it. Performing a character, rather than having to be whatever version of me appeals most to the fans.”

Jasper stares at Ryan, picturing this alternative career path and how it’ll look for them as a couple. They would be busy. It’d mean more time apart. Coordinating schedules to spend time together. He’ll also have to sit through live musicals.

“What are you thinking? You look deep in thought.” Ryan interrupts his little daydream.

“Ry, I don’t know how to tell you this,” Jasper sighs and looks away a little embarrassed. “I’ve never watched a musical in my life.”

“What?”

Ryan’s stunned, bordering on horrified expression makes Jasper Laugh. “I know. Don’t hate me. I’m looking forward to watching you perform in the first ever musical I see, though.”

“You’ve never watched a single one?”

“Between my very restrictive upbringing, and my short-lived time with Blake as my biggest influence, I don’t think you should be too surprised,” Jasper jokes.

“True.” Ryan nods. “But I am reconsidering this relationship now.”

Jasper laughs again. “That’s it? That’s the line?”

“That’s the line. I’m sorry, I can’t date someone who has never watched a musical.”

“Ry, is it The Ring or The Grudge demon that does the death rattle sound?” Jasper asks. “It’s a deal breaker question, don’t tell me you don’t watch horror movies?”

“Okay, let’s agree not to break-up over movie preferences, but as a gay man, you shouldn’t go around telling people you’ve not seen any musicals, lest you be thrown out of the community and labeled a fake.” Ryan takes a sip of champagne.

Jasper gives an amused scoff. “Considering the number of gay things I’ve done today I doubt my lack of musical knowledge is gonna be enough to disqualify me.”

Ryan turns away, spluttering on his drink.

Jasper tries not to laugh or make a joke about choking as Ryan composes himself and has another sip. “Is that what this special dinner is all about? We’re celebrating your big career move?”

“Not only that.” Ryan sets his sweet brown eyes on Jasper. “I really wasn’t expecting you to make the romantic gesture you did this afternoon. This was all I had planned for my romantic gesture.”

“It’s not a competition, Ry.”

“If it were, you’d be winning,” Ryan says with a wink.

“If you’re sucking up to me just to see if I’ll let you win the s*x competition, you’re wrong. I Intend to—”

“You won that the moment I saw you in that suit.”

“Ha. Bet you’re regretting making me wear it.”

“Not at all.”

The soft loving way Ryan is looking at him is doing things to Jasper. No matter how used to being the center of attention before a plethora of fans he is, the way Ryan’s attention is sinking into his soul is intimate in ways Jasper never knew a stare could be. He doesn’t feel like the center of attention. He feels like the center of the entire universe.

Jasper clears his throat and looks down at his meal, but he can’t concentrate on anything but his burning need to kiss Ryan right now. The day has had way too many emotions packed into one and for no reason that he’s willing to unpack, he finds himself overwhelmed by it all. Painfully aware of why he’d been so worried at the start of this conversation. He has the happiness he never thought he’d find. The love he thought he couldn’t feel in a relationship. Everything he accepted he’d never experience has encompassed him in something he now fears losing.