The Air I Breathe (Student x Teacher)

Chapter Two: Winter and Summer.

James Alexander was a broken man, and Ruby tried desperately to put him back together.

"Santiago." She crooned, her sweet voice filled with compassion as she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders. She hadn't known what came over her, but as soon as she saw his tears run freely, she pulled him to her and cocooned him in the safety of her arms.

Sometimes, all one needed was to be embraced.

"Thank you." He croaked, letting his cheek rest against the top of her head as his tears dripped over her already wet hair.

The man was way too tall for her to give him the comfort he needed, and so she pulled away gently and looked up into his tearful eyes. She gave a sad smile as she gazed at the man, and she wished she could relieve the anguish that consumed him; perhaps she couldn't feel for herself, but that didn't take away her empathy.

"Sit with me." She said comfortingly, pulling him towards a bench whilst grabbing the umbrella from his hands. She placed it besides her before turning to the man who had sat just inches away from her, and she watched as he buried his face into his hands and tried to stop his crying.

Her hand came upon his shoulder, "Don't hold it in, it's okay."

James picked his head up, shaking it and looking up at the ceiling as if it held all the answers. He wiped away his tears and tried to become strong again, but was failing, since all he felt was weak. He felt as if he let himself break, he'd lose his mind, crying made his emotions and the situation he was in all the more real.

He couldn't for the life of him process what was happening, it didn't make sense for his best friend- his sister, to not walk on the same earth that he did. He was alone, it terrified him to return to an empty house, one that was filled with memories of her.

If it weren't for the stranger besides him, he would have already lost it.

"I'm alone." He whispered, and he relaxed when Ruby rubbed his back gently before resting her head against his shoulder, listening to everything he had to say. It's what he needed, for someone to listen, because not a single person knew what he was going through.

He had no family, no friends, nothing.

Then, Ruby said something that filled his heart and broke it all over again.

"Not right now you aren't, I'm right here with you." She said, and he turned to look down at the small girl, who had eyes unlike anything he'd ever seen before. They were like a pot of melted gold, swirling with different shades of emotions, and he knew then that she knew exactly how he felt.

She'd been through this before, hadn't she?

"You're safe with me, I promise."

James stared at her for five solid seconds, trying to figure out this stranger who was so willing to help him. She didn't have any other intentions, not like most of Ana's friends did at her funeral, he could tell by the kindness and compassion in her eyes.

If the eyes were truly the windows to the soul, then Ruby Mendes had the most beautiful soul he'd ever come across. He was the one that was six-foot five and made of pure muscle, but sitting next to this girl who couldn't be more than five feet tall... he felt like the small and weak one, safe and protected by someone much stronger than he.

He felt secure enough to open up, which was something he never did.

"Ana died in a car crash two days ago."

"It's my fault she's gone." He admitted, gauging her reaction, and there was nothing but understanding. It was as if she knew this wasn't true but it would be no use to fight him on it, and for that, he was thankful. "I should've gotten home earlier like I said I would, then she wouldn't have had to pick up the food instead of me. I was supposed to get it on my way home from work, i-if I'd just left twenty minutes earlier, then she would still be here."

"I lost her over something so f*****g stupid, and it's all my fault."

"I can tell you a million times over that it's not your fault, and you still won't believe me." Ruby whispered, because no matter how many times someone told her that it wasn't her fault, she still blamed herself for the death of someone she loved dearly. "But I'll be the first to tell you that it wasn't, if it were... then you can blame whatever it was that made you stay at work longer, too."

"The rain, the traffic, your boss."

James released a bitter chuckle, releasing a hmph sound.

"Can you see how toxic it is to blame yourself for circumstances that you couldn't control? It won't take the guilt away, but realizing that there was nothing you could have done can be the first step to healing your broken heart." She said, looking out into the falling rain, and even though her mouth was moving and words were coming out of it... she didn't know if she was saying the right thing.

But it was something she wished someone would have said to her.

"It's easier to have someone to blame, it's easier to direct all those emotions into self-blame so you can have something to hate." She continued, and she spoke from experience, because she'd lived most of her life hating herself. "It's easier to hate yourself than to forgive yourself because sometimes... you just can't."

"But you should try, even if it's just for Ana."

They were silent for a minute, and then James began to speak.

"Ana was... she was pulled out of the car and transported to the hospital, where I was waiting for her after the cops called me." He croaked, a single tear falling down his cheek once again. "She knew how I was, and the last thing she told me was... she said it wasn't my fault, that she knew I'd live the rest of my life blaming myself."

"Because that's how I am, a destructive i***t who's always hated himself and needed another reason to." He chuckled bitterly, finally giving a smile, remembering how his sister had scolded him even while she was on her death bed. His eyes met Ruby's again, "Thank you for telling me in kinder words what my sister had, I needed to be reminded."

Ruby smiled, "Of course."

They sat there for awhile, James opening up to her like a freshly blooming flower, showing a mere stranger the darkest parts of him. She only listened, sometimes putting in her two cents, and he wondered how someone who looked so young could be so wise.

She was older than most adults he knew, it was as if she'd lived a thousand lives in such a short time. Perhaps the fact that they didn't know each other was what opened him up, it was safer to confide in a stranger who didn't know him enough to judge.

As they spoke, she suddenly knew him better than anyone.

"I'm sorry that you've had to spend the better part of an hour comforting a stranger who shamelessly chatted your ear off." James said quietly, mustering up a smile that he directed at Ruby. "I'm a drag, aren't I?"

"What are you talking about? I'm having the time of my life." Ruby joked, squeezing his shoulder and giving him a playful smile. "I'm dwelling in someone else's disaster rather than my own, and have been feeling up the sexiest man I've ever come across for the better part of an hour."

"And the best part? He didn't even notice!"

In his twenty-four and some years of living, James had never blushed when a women offered him a compliment; it was something that happened everyday, and he was quite used to. But when Ruby said those words, it felt like a hot iron had been pressed against his cheeks and to the tips of his ears. The sensation wasn't something he was familiar with, he felt like a kindergartner who had just been told that the prettiest girl in class fancied him.

And Ruby, she was the prettiest little thing he'd ever seen.

"God," He groaned, pressing his hands to his cheeks in order to cool them down. "You're something else."

The girl began to giggle, "Are you blushing, Santiago?"

"Yes, I didn't know my face could do this." He chuckled, finally pulling his hands away and feeling a sense of mischievousness come over him. He decided he wanted to make her blush as hard as him so he wouldn't be alone in his embarrassment, "Did you think I also didn't enjoy a pretty lady being handsy with me?"

Her jaw dropped, and he smirked when her cheeks turned a blazing red.

Then he made her blush even deeper without meaning to, because right now, he took the chance to really look at her. She wasn't anyone you could compare her to, he'd never seen anyone like her, she looked like a child of nature who seemed to belong in a field of wild flowers. Her hair was like a lion's mane, long and curly, and he couldn't help but marvel at it every few minutes- he felt he'd give into the urge to run his hand through it at any moment.

He lost after another second of fighting himself, his fingers raking through it gingerly. 

It was soft despite its unruly appearance, silky despite its thickness. 

Just as he'd imagined. 

The girl smiled bashfully, everything from her neck to her cheeks turning red, and a nervous giggle escaped her lips as he continued to observe her. She was unbelievably adorable, causing his heart to clench with cute aggression, she reminded him of a bunny rabbit that he wanted to squeeze the life out of.

Her skin was a cinnamon color, which seemed to bring out her cat-like eyes even more. 

James had been with many women, some models and others actresses, who were the type of women everyone wanted to either be or be with. But he had never been so taken by them like he was by Ruby, who was no model or actress, but better.

There was something very real and grounding about her; where as his beauty came from the moon and stars, hers came from the earth below and everything in it.

"I'd bet a million dollars that you have the best head of hair on this planet." He joked, in order to break whatever was going on between them; it wasn't normal, he was taking a liking to her at an alarming rate and he could tell it went both ways. 

How could it be that he'd just met her?

Ruby giggled again, "Do you have a million dollars to bet?" 

He grinned as he pulled away after one final touch, "I'm not telling you that." 

"What the hell? You're rich, too? Is that your real face or did you buy it?" She asked, reaching out to poke his cheek whilst inspecting his facial features. "Ah, this makes sense! You don't smile much because you literally can't, it's all the botox your money has bought you!"

"Recommend me your surgeon, he did a fantastic job." 

"What the hell would you need a surgeon for?" James asked, throwing his head back in laughter at her ridiculous words, and suddenly he felt wrong. His sister just passed away not even seventy-eight hours ago and here he was, laughing and smiling with a stranger he hardly even knew. 

He felt he didn't deserve to laugh, not after everything. 

It was like he was disrespecting his sister.

"And my face is real, thank you very much." 

They laughed and bickered some more, and James forgot all about his guilt, solely focused on the girl besides him. She made him realize why all his past relationships had failed, it had been his fault in a way, he had never been interested in them the way he was interested in Ruby; he'd never even asked them their favorite color, he never cared. 

And so why was he asking to know everything about this girl? 

He now knew many minuscule things about her, he knew her favorite color was yellow, which was his least favorite color. The moment she told him yellow with a huge smile on her face, he disliked it a little less, because yellow would remind him of her and the smile that made his heart feel full for the briefest of moments. 

One day, it'd be his favorite color. 

"Are you cold?" He asked when he realized the girl was trembling, taking off his suit jacket immediately and offering it to her. He'd been too distracted by their conversation to notice, "You're shaking."

"I'm okay, don't worry about me." She replied, pushing it away politely, right before a strong gust of wind blew past them which caused her skin to explode with goosebumps. It didn't take her more than a second to take it from him after that, "Never mind."

When she put it on, they both started to laugh, since she was completely swallowed up by it. She was swimming in the black fabric which splayed out around her, the sleeves hanging long past her hands. She hadn't noticed that she was shaking either, immersing herself instead in the warmth that James made her feel on the inside. 

He was very good at making her feel okay, like she wasn't empty.

That's when his scent hit her and she breathed it in, it was one of the most comforting scents she'd ever came across. It was of chai and sugar cookies, it reminded her of what Christmas would be to a happy child, and again- he didn't smell like what she thought he would.

She'd expected musk and aftershave, she got something more, and whoever this man ended up with was going to be a lucky woman. The scent could easily lull anyone to sleep, it was warm and cozy, she bet it could even put her insomniac self to bed.

"Dude, you smell amazing." She blurted out, wrapping the jacket around her, which still held his heat; she swore he was like a furnace, it felt like it had been tossed in a dryer before it was given to her. "You work at a bakery or something?"

He cracked a smile, "Put two caps of vanilla extract in the oven for an hour, it'll make your house smell like heaven for days. I also make myself lots of chai lattes, so that's probably what you're smelling."

"You are a lot softer than you look." Ruby laughed, eyeing the man. "I thought you'd murder me when I first saw you, but now I think you'd take me out for ice-cream on a first date."

"Child, I am way too old for you, I can already tell by your babyface." James replied, shaking his head, feeling a disappointment he'd never felt before settle in his chest. He'd never struggled with getting a partner or anyone he wanted, but Ruby— he could tell she was young, much too young and innocent for him, and he wasn't going to be the one to taint her.

If he knew nothing would come of this, why was he letting himself feel what he did?

"How old are you?"

"Um, can I lie and say I'm twenty-two?" She asked, giving him a flirty smile which caused him to shake his head despite his grin. Ruby truly didn't know how she flirted with him so easily, since someone like him wouldn't give her the time of day when it came to that aspect. He belonged with a supermodel, and still, that seemed too little for him— he belonged with a goddess. "I turn nineteen on February twenty-second."

James froze, since that was the date his mother had passed.

Ruby was way younger than he'd thought, he'd been giving himself the benefit of the doubt that she was older than she looked, simply because of how she spoke. It felt odd to sit here with a teenage girl, liking her more than he'd ever liked anyone, and it made him feel all types of wrong. 

"And I'm twenty-four, much too old for you, so I'll have to humbly reject the idea of a date." He chuckled after recovering, but he could tell by the look on her face that she'd noticed his reaction. "My birthday is on December twenty-first."

"Makes sense, you look like winter and that's the first day of winter." Ruby hummed, pulling her knee to her chest and resting her chin on it. Then she shot him a little grin, "We've just met and you're already breaking my heart, Santiago."

Looking at Ruby was like looking at someone who was the complete opposite of him: he the moon and she the sun, he was winter whilst she was summer, he was silver and she was gold. He'd always been cold and had grown accustomed to its sting, but being there with her, he realized he could quickly get used to the heat she provided.

Perhaps it was a false warmth, because her eyes were empty.

"Can't break something that's already broken." He said, watching her, and he wanted her to give him more than the superficial answers she'd been giving him. When he asked her what her favorite color was, he really wanted to ask why she was broken enough to end up in a rehabilitation center. He wanted to ask why she didn't let herself cry,  why she didn't let herself feel any deeper than surface emotions, he wanted to ask how she managed to be full of light even when she was wading through darkness. 

"I bared my heart out to you, but something tells me you won't give me even a glimpse of yours."

"I'm gonna have a smoke." He breathed, about to stand and walk towards the opposite end of the gazebo. Ruby quickly grabbed his wrist, and he turned to look at her in surprise as she gently pulled him back down besides her.

Without saying a word, he offered her a cigarette.

"Thank you." She whispered, taking the cigarette and placing it between her lips. He held out his lighter to her before sparking the flame, which was instantly blown out by the wind.

Both of their hands came up, blocking the wind as he sparked the lighter again, his large hands hovering over hers. Ruby could feel his heat on her freezing hands, much stronger than the one that radiated from the flame, and the feel of them distracted her from the fact that her cigarette had lit long ago.

But neither of them moved, even as their eyes locked.

Ruby's heart accelerated in that moment, because every time their eyes met, it was like someone wrapped their fist around her heart and squeezed it. He could see how broken she was, and it wasn't something she wanted to reveal, thinking that finally someone would see her as anything other than the walking wounded.

She was wrong, because even a stranger could see how f****d up she was without her having to say a word. It caused a sudden wave of pure sadness to hit her, and it was the most real emotion she'd experienced in what felt like an eternity. It yanked at her soul and then crushed it, causing a lump to form in her throat, and all she could think was:

Don't cry, don't cry, don't you dare f*****g cry.

"It's okay to cry." He murmured softly, taking her hand gently as he offered her a reassuring smile. "Why don't you give yourself the same kindness that you've shown me? You can come back from that point you've reached, where you don't feel a thing, and I'll be here to catch you."

"Like you were there to catch me."