Calculated Love

I wish ice cream was healthy

On Monday my whole body was sore as I struggled to walk down the stairs. I looked at my mother who was wincing every time she had to sit down and pull out the cupcakes from the oven under the slab.

Hiking always did that. But truthfully, we had fun. We both manage to scare others with our singing and at a point mom was drunk and she started reminiscing about her good days with dad. She still missed him and it made me sad how he never even called. Never even texted for that matter.

We both winced at the same time and laughed out loud.

“Next time it’s movie night.” She said and I nodded.

“With fudgy brownie,” I said and she narrowed her eyes at me.

“Ok, just popcorn then.”

If matters were in her hand, I would be the Next top model. My mom herself was a healthy person and in my age, she was slender and pretty. I on the other hand was not too lucky. My parents' divorce caused stress that led to weirdly hormonal imbalance causing weight gain and other repercussions with it.

Every night I would watch pretty girl on screen and promise myself to work out the very next day. And yet every morning I would choose sleep over anything and then just gave lame excuses as to why the other times were not right to work out.

I hated that I was lazy.

“What are you doing after class today? I might get off from work earlier. Should we go to the mall and get you some new clothes?” My mom asked looking at me oversized tee with slight disapproval.

“Maybe later, I am helping out a poor kid with Math,” I said getting down swinging the bag over my shoulder in a hurry to escape her who are you teaching question.

I waved her goodbye and rushed inside the school to find Thea leaning on the lockers, her eyes glued on a book with pastel shades and sappy romantic couple on covers.

“Here,” I said lightly hitting her shoulder with a notebook.

“Essays?” She asked looking up from the book.

“Yes, few of the samples.”

“I couldn’t sleep last night. Mom and dad ended up arguing about a new kitchen cabinet which was not needed but my mom bought it.”

“I think your mom is a little bit of spender,” I said with a sheepish smile.

“A little?” She chuckled lightly.

“Are you nervous about teaching him?” She said and suddenly her eyes were on the boy who seemed to be laughing with Bethany, the Beyoncé of our class.  Since there was no news of Helena crying her eyes out, she was still his girlfriend.

I was not judging but he was insensitive to feelings of human, female humans especially.

“No, I guess not that much,” I said feeling anxious all of a sudden.

Not because he was good looking or because he was that guy everyone wanted to be friends with but maybe because I hated talking to strangers and felt self-conscious, I was anxious that I might just choke up and become a dumb person. Or maybe he will be disgusted to be around me and my math-loving self.

“I am not having lunch with you today; I have to rush to complete that painting of doll I was assigned.” She said and ditching me for art again.

Art was her passion unlike me who didn’t excel at something other than Math I guess but I liked it but I had no idea what my dream was or what I wanted to be. Thea wanted to be an art curator.

I hated having lunch alone. When Thea was not around, I would eat my lunch with our librarian in the little table and chair right outside the library. She would share her worries of the day at first since I barely spoke. But she took pity on the fat kid I suppose and eventually got me talking.

Due to my mom’s nagging and my permanent depressive state, I did lose some weight and went down from my previous size fourteen which was even worse. That phase was bad, frightening. I would throw up after I ate anything afraid that I would gain my lost weight and that made my digestion week and gave be acid influx and finally severe ulcer symptoms.

Anyway, I survived that phase, my mom gave up forcing me to lose weight and Thea pulled me out of the silent girl state. She adopted me in school.

Now there was no librarian and I knew only one place I could eat and that was the sports field. No one would be stupid enough to be there in the mid-day sun. And even if there was, there were countless stairs away from the ground, I don’t think it would matter.

I sighed in relief when I found the field empty and the sun blaring in the sky. Counting fifteen stairs in my head for no apparent reason and sat down facing the large green field in front of me divided into several courts for games.

A race track was made like a border around the circular field. I have been to games before because Thea tried different things to get me out of the house during my bad times and coming to school game was indeed a good idea. The adrenaline and excitement are infectious even though you have no idea what’s happening, you just cheer for school pride and hot guys.

I munched on my sandwich peacefully even though I was burning up under the sun at that moment. But going inside and sitting alone without Thea for so long might cause anxiety so I decided to sit in the sun till the bell rang for the next class.

As I slurped last of my litchi juice, I saw a tall someone walk in on the field. Immediate panic hit me and I got up almost falling down but then I realized he was not even looking in my direction and was not aware of my presence.

Slowly I sat down looking at the tall guy from a distance. It took me seconds to read the alphabets on the back of his shirt, WATSON, with a number 12. He had a quicker over his shoulder and his stance was angry with large determined steps.

He picked up the bow and pulled out an arrow and angrily shot at the aim. Known for his bullseye’s perfection, he missed and the arrow landed far from the mark, where exactly I couldn’t deduct from the distance.

He shot another and then another and then yelled out loud like he was annoyed and using archery as his relieving point. I sat there as a silent audience feeling guilty for trespassing on his private moment. But then again, this was the school field, so I was doing nothing wrong.

And then he threw the bow away and walked out of the field while I remain thankfully unnoticed.

This was the first time I saw the popular boy lose temper, he was known for calm and cool nature and yet here he was shooting arrows on the target like he wanted to hit someone.

The bell rang and I realized for once this lunch was not boring.

---

As soon as the last class ended, Thea sighed in relief, exhaustion, and lack of sleep evident on her face. It was partially because of her parents and partially due to her love for the binge-watching series.

“Call me as soon as your tutor session is done or even in the middle if any help is needed.” She said not very appreciative of this whole deal.

To her, Micah Watson was a corrupted rich brat who would also try to corrupt me. But I knew it was highly unlikely because I was not the kind of crowd he would like to hang around with.

I nodded and she left with a dramatic huff.

For the next twenty minutes, I waited by his locker as Helena texted me but no one came. Some did raise an eye on why someone like me was standing near Micah’s locker. But I avoided all noise and looks and scrolled on my phone keeping my mind and eyes busy and stay calm.

“Math whiz.” A male voice made me look and I sighed in relief that I didn’t have to wait anymore or I was not stood up like a fool.

The stares on us intensified since most of the people were passing the hallway to reach the exit.

“Umm, hi. Do you still need tutoring?” I confirmed just in case he was still in a bad mood and didn’t want to look at complex numbers.

“Do you I still want to live, yes.” He said with a tinge of sarcasm and shocker, a smile.

And for the first time, I saw Micah smile up-close and it made me realize, it was such a fake smile like he was mocking me or just keeping up pretenses.

“Ok, then let’s go to the library,” I said in a shamefully small voice.

“How about studying in the café nearby,” He asked in a kind tone.

“Sure, wherever is good for you,” I said knowing too well we would be going to Expresso.

There was time I had the desire to work part-time and earn money to help mom but that was before AP classes tried to murder me and I had fewer burdens of college applications and forms etc. Being a barista was doing no good for applications. During my time there, Micah and some close friends, sometimes dates would end up at Expresso.

Since it was merely a walking distance, Micah left the car in school parking and we walked. And in that short distance, I felt so awkward that I didn’t know where to look, how to love my hands, or even how to properly coordinate body functions.

Thankfully he got a call from Jose and he said about something I couldn’t hear because I was walking behind up.

I walked a little faster to catch up with him realizing he was busy with the call and I didn’t have to deal with small talk. He opened the café gate and it took me by surprise and he held it for me. It was not that it mattered much and it showed on his part that even busy on a call he didn’t just close the gate on my face, he held it for me.

It was stupid, this small gesture made me smile a little.

“What would you have?” He asked finally cutting the call off.

“I am fine, you go ahead,” I said praying for an apocalypse to happen that very moment and end my misery.

I needed Thea here or my mom. What was I doing out with a boy with my conversation skills?

“Come on, you don’t want to be here anymore than I do after school. We all want to rest, right?” He said his tone friendlier than the first time we met.

“Cold Coffee,” And I added in the smallest of voice, “With Ice cream.”

I heard him chuckle and make an order.

He got himself an iced latte.

We found ourselves a nice seat with almost zero disturbance. He took out his notebooks surprising me that he was serious about this.

“Ok, so let’s start from this section.” He said probably aiming to study what was in for upcoming midterms.

“Sure,” I said drinking the cold coffee and try not to be a total fool in front of him.

I was the teacher here; I should be more confident.

“Start by solving this first and I will see what all you need to understand.”

He nodded not mocking me or anything and started solving the question. It gave me time to eat my ice cream with a spoon and then take a sip of cold coffee and also to observe him. To be that handsome was unfair.

Because trust me, good looking people always have an easier path of life. They are preferred for everything and anything. Even friendship and love come to them and they get to choose.

Just like don’t judge a book by its cover is a lie, looks don’t matter is a lie too. Someone average like me is just wallflowers.

His silver-blonde hair was not even styled, they just rested messily on his forehead, one long hair bothering his eye. To pair with that he had a beautiful eye color of grey with flecks of blue, well-defined bone structure and a small dimple near his lips on the left side when he pressed his lips together while he was thinking.

“Here done.” He said rolling back the sleeve of his long sleeve white tee.

I checked it and it was slightly a disaster.

“Ah, you don’t like Geometry very much.”

“Like Helena said I need tutoring.” He said with a light shrug and a small smile.

His smile bothered me a little too much. It was unreal, nice but not genuine.

For the next two hours, I tried my best to make him understand as much as possible. He was a little slow to catch up but he was a hard worker. So, we managed to solve the 3 questions successfully.

“Umm…well done, I guess,” I said keeping my books back in place.

“You are a good teacher.” He praised me and I thought this went well, “They call you a math whiz for genius.”

“Who are they?” I asked a little surprised at my courage.

“People.”

I was almost about to compliment his efforts today but he jinxed it all in one go.

“So, do you always wear these?” He asked looking at my loose khaki shade cotton trousers paired with a short mustard tee.

“What? “I asked in an unintentional defensive tone.

“Baggy clothes?” He confirmed my fear.

Like I was not insecure enough.

“Why? Is something wrong?” I asked in a small tone.

“Umm… honestly, you need better clothing for you…stature I guess.”

Which in other words meant, you are fat and this does not look good on you. Meanwhile, if the same thing was worn by a thin girl, she would look cool. Because it did look cool on sss’s model. Hearing this from a guy and that too Micah was humiliating but I didn’t let it show.

“It’s comfortable. And its summer, I can’t wear soul-sucking jeans.” I said a little too harshly.

“I didn’t mean that…what’s your name again..ah, Anne something?” He said and I didn’t have the patience in me to correct him.

At least he remembered my middle name.

“Anne, you can wear dresses or shorts.” He suggested.

What was he, fashion police?

And had he seen my thunderous thighs, me and shorts were not compatible.

Thankfully before I either burst in tears or yelled at him, later one highly unlikely my mom called.

“I am the mart, what ice cream flavor do you want, cookies and cream or mint Choco.”

Seeing that I was busy in a call he waved and left. I gave him a stiff smile.

“Cookies and cream, I guess.”

“Okay, see you later hon.”

I sighed wishing that ice cream was healthy but just like every other good looking and delicious looking thing, it was dangerous.

And so was Micah Watson.