Clerical

Chapter Ten

At the back of the DLR train carriage, Barry sits with his head slumped in his hands. It's the middle of the day and the train is pretty much empty aside from a few tourists and some truant kids making noise at the front.

Barry lets out an exasperated noise while shaking his head. The last person he expected to see this week was Mandy. The memories brought back that involve her only strengthen his conviction that he's not worth all the trouble Gabriel's going too. He really, really messed up with Mandy back in the day and it's haunting him. Right now he simply wants to drown himself in gin and bury himself in fried chicken wings.

He leans back into his seat to regain his composure but is nearly knocked off it by the sudden appearance of Gabriel sitting next to him reading a newspaper.

Barry lets out a girly shriek which attracts the turning heads of their fellow passengers.

"Now then." Gabriel says while reading.

"You're a c**k, you know that? You cock." Barry exclaims, his hands shaking with shock and fury. "Why can't you just approach me like a normal person?!"

Gabriel very deliberately turns a page of his newspaper very slowly and loudly.

"Well lad, I'm not a 'normal person' am I?" Gabriel uses his hands to air quote.

"No, you're a 'Proper t**t'." Barry uses his air quotes back. "I did that thing you wanted me too. Now what?"

Gabriel folds up his newspaper and places it on the seat next to him, crosses his legs, and takes out a pre-packaged sausage roll from his jacket pocket.

"Well. We've got to do something big, because times running out. Some sort of act of charity should do it." Gabriel takes a big bite of his juicy sausage roll. He moans in pleasure as he eats. "I know you've got some sort of odd gripe with charity, and that's your business, so I thought maybe you can think of something more personal. Something a bit more- Jesus this is tasty – a bit more unconventional."

Barry scoffs. "Like what?"

"I can't do all the work for you. There must be something YOU want to do that also fills the box of doing something charitable. It's a loose definition anyway, anything that's going out of your way to do will suffice."

Barry thinks hard. He searches every deep recess of his mind for something or someone he can help.

"I've got it." He says, snapping his fingers with pride at his thought. "We've gotta go back and grab my car."

*****

Barry's banged up 2003 red Nissan Micra rattles down a pebbled driveway in southern Kent. Their destination is right in front of them: a very decent looking care home for the elderly. It's fairly small for a care home, but is built with beautiful sandstone walls, and surrounded by an obviously well taken care of garden full of flowers and pristine lawns.

Barry's car is severely out of place; It's rusty, squeaky, and generally just a massive death trap.

The car, with Barry at the wheel and Gabriel squashed into the front passenger seat, comes to a stop in the parking area at the front of the building. The engine whine breaks the tranquillity the planners of this home had in mind for their residents.

Barry and Gabriel get out of the car. Barry stretches out his legs and twists his back after the fairly long drive.

They're here to see Barry's Grandad, who's been a resident in here for quite some time. Out of all the people in his life, his Grandad is one of only a few he actually likes. His memories of the man who raised him are nearly all good, but for whatever reason, he hasn't visited him in a significant amount of time.

Barry starts towards the entrance but Is forced to turn around as Gabriel calls his name.

"Explain to me again how exactly this is charity?" Gabriel asks.

"He likes seeing me, innit. I'm sure he gets pretty lonely in this place. I've seen the panorama episode, these places are proper shitholes."

Gabriel produces a high-pitched moan.

"What's the problem?"

"Well, it's not really charity is it? It's more common decency." Gabriel counters.

"I'm not wiping up s**t or anything like that. I'll play some chess with him or something. Chuck a bit of time into sitting with them."

"You've got to do something bigger."

Barry flicks his hands at Gabriel in a 'yeah, yeah' fashion and continues his path to the front entrance.

*****

The main communal room is pretty basic, but with all the amenities and comforts these folks would want. Various comfy looking sofas and armchairs surround the big screen television the corner of the room. For those who are not wanting to watch TV there is a separate seating area which allows a place to read or chat with friends and family. It's a very quiet place, even with the hall nearly at max capacity; the only noises of note are the staff bringing and serving the tea and biscuits.

Everyone looks relaxed, if perhaps a little spaced out.

Barry walks into the room, and visually scans the area for his Grandad. He spots him in the reading area on the other side of the room, alone, and staring into space.

He gestures to Gabriel to follow him, and the pair make their way over to the old man.

His grandad fits the bill of a typical old fellow. Wispy white hair graces his head; The thinness of the hair allows his aged liver spots to shine through like chocolate stains in a sheepskin rug. He's incredibly well dressed, and clearly takes pride in how he looks every morning.

Grandads face lights up when he spots Barry walking towards him. A smile ear-to-ear showing his absolute delight in seeing his grandson for the first time in quite some time.

Barry's smile is much more subdued. Not from a lack of love for his grandad, or an unwillingness to visit him, but from his general lack of ability to feel comfortable in these sorts of situations.

Grandad gets up on his feet like he was 20 years younger, and gives his Grandson a big hug as Barry finally reaches him, squeezing him good and tight. Barry chuckles awkwardly as his grandad struggles to contain his happiness but gives him a good and loving smile when he is finally released from the bear-like grip.

Barry takes a seat next to his grandad, who painstakingly lowers himself back into his chair.

"Alright old fella?" Barry asks.

His grandad nods and smiles.

"Not so bad, son, not so bad." He says with his croaky voice before noticing Gabriel, who is standing quietly behind Barry. "Who's your friend?"

Barry turns to Gabriel, who gives a little salute to the old fellow.

"That's Gabriel. Mate of mine. Just came for the ride."

"Pleased to meet you, Gabriel." He looks back and forth between the pair. "Just friends are ya?"

Barry, embarrassed, closes his eyes. "Yes, Grandad, I've been over this with you before."

"Alright, alright. Just asking. Never seen you bring any ladies with you is all. When you take the time to actually visit that is." Grandad pauses for a moment and has a sip of his tea. "It's alright if you are you know."

"I know it is!" Barry snaps. "It's the 21st f*****g century. If I was, I'd tell you, but I'm not. So f*****g drop it."

"Language! It's nice to see you regardless, lad."

Barry shakes his head. Gabriel interjects.

"Barry's actually come here to help out." He says.

"Really? Why on earth would you want to do that?" Grandads eyes dart to the care worker standing across the room. "We've got everything we need here. Very well looked after."

Barry senses something amiss but quickly brushes it off.

"Alright, just thought you might get a bit lonely and what not."

Grandad laughs nervously. "No, no. Not lonely."

Barry taps his legs. He's already running out of things to say and knows full well he's got to come up with something to satisfy Gabriel. He really doesn't want to do anything involving bodily fluid.

Meanwhile, an emergency buzzer starts blaring, and the care worker in the corner of the room dashes off down a hallway to deal with it. Grandad spots his moment, grabs Barry by his shirt, and pulls him very close to his face.

"You've got to get me out of this place. It's driving me f*****g crackers, son." Grandad says quietly yet incredibly forcefully.

"What?!" Barry replies. His confusion in the situation evident by his gormless expression.

"This place. It's a shithole. I hate it. I just need to escape for a little bit, just a week then I'll come back. Frankly it's alright having some poor bastard changing your sheets, but I want to live again, Barry!"

Gabriel notices the exchange and gives Barry the thumbs up. He gives Gabriel the dagger eyes.

"I can leave anytime I want, but they'll always ask for a doctor's recommendation to allow it."

"Then get one." Barry demands.

"No! He's on the take, they want to keep us in here Barry. It's a racket, Barry."

Grandads voice bleeds desperation. Barry takes a good long think. He shakes his head at the madness of it all.

"Fine." He says, giving up the fight. "How do we get you out?"

"Don't worry about that, you just get to the car, and I'll meet you outside. I've just got to get something."

Grandad gets off and slowly shuffles away rubbing his hands in excitement.

*****

Barry sits nervously in the driver's seat of his tiny car. Gabriel is in the back.

After a few moments of nervous waiting, Barry turns to Gabriel.

"What is this going to achieve?!" He asks aggressively. "How are we going to do anything with an old man stuck with us all day?"

"It's a good act of charity" Gabriel says with great positivity.

"Breaking an old man out of a care home? It's outrageous is what it is. f*****g barmy."

Barry is alerted to the sound of both male and female giggling. He checks his rear view mirror and lets out a long protracted groan of frustration.

"Oh, what the hell is this?" He says as the passenger side door opens. "Grandad? Who's this?"

Grandad is at this point attempting to shove a giggling 80-something year old woman into the back of Barry's small 2-door hatchback.

"This is Betty, my lady friend."

Gabriel nods in approval and smiles at the lady stuck between the seats.

Grandad gets a handful and laughs cheekily as he holds onto Bettys bottom. She giggles and teases him to stop, playfully.

"Grandad!"

Grandad manages to get Betty into the car, and himself climbs into the front seat. They all buckle up.

Barry doesn't move the car. He shrugs.

"Where are we going?" Barry asks.

"Well, we'd love to go to London."

"London? You want to go to London?" Barry says laughing.

Gabriel leans forward. "Excellent. You can stay at Barry's place I'm sure!"

Barry gives Gabriel the daggers again.

"Excellent idea, Gabriel." Barry says through gritted teeth.

As Barry weighs up his options, he is alerted to the sound of shouting as two uniformed care workers come running out of the building.

Grandad taps Barry frantically, yelling at him to get his foot down.

Barry throws the car into reverse, swearing under his breath as he peels out of the care home car park, and onto freedom.