Love You As You Are

3 | MILES

“Miles, you can’t beat yourself up about this,” Indra sighed, crawling up my bed to sit in front of me. “It’s not something you can help. It’s best to let it go,”

“Why do I feel bad?” I murmured. “Like I feel really bad and…I can’t get over it,”

“Because you’re a good person and this is who you are,”

“What really happened that night?” I turned to Indra. She pursed her lips, looking away. “I don’t remember. Tell me what…we were like,” I said. “How close were we?” Indra looked away, her eyes finding whatever was on my table, interesting. “Indra, tell me,”

“You guys…kissed,” I sucked in a sharp breath. “More than one time and…you seemed to be enjoying it or something. And you’re the one who suggested to take him home,”

“Oh Jesus- what have I done?” I gripped my hair.

“Miles, don’t. It doesn’t have to be bad-“

“He was crying, Indra,” I whispered. “He was crying and begging, and I did that. I led him on. He thinks we had a connection that night,” I let out a shaky breath. “I…hurt his feelings. Unknowingly. And I feel so bad. At first, I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal,”

“Miles, what’s done is done. You did what you had-“

“Yeah, but at what cost? You know, for a second,” I paused, biting my lip as my mind raced with unwanted thoughts. “I thought that maybe…maybe, I am gay, I just-“

“You’re saying that because of the guy or because it come within you?” Indra asks me. I shrugged.

“That’s the thing, I don’t know,” I folded my legs, resting my chin on my knees. “I’m so confused and…now I’m not so sure who I-“ a tear slid down my face, my voice cracking.

“Miles, you can’t force yourself to like someone,” she said. “You’ll only be torturing yourself, like you are doing now. Okay, a guy asked you out because he thinks you are attractive and…stuff happened, but you can’t regulate your emotions based on that,” she said. “Not like that, at least. It has to come from within you, not because of someone else. You have to be sure of it and…I think that it’s good that you’re not dating at the moment. You’re clearly not ready for anything like that,”

“Okay,” I said wiping my face. “What do you think?” I looked her in the eyes, wanting to catch her expression. “What do you think is happening?”

“I…think that you might be…bisexual,” she said softly. “And it’s not a bad thing. I promise it’s not. And it’s just what I think. Noah isn’t the first…male you’ve been with,” she murmured. “Yes, I watched you…lust for females more than…males, but you can’t bypass that. You have to look into it as well. Don’t…run away from it. It’s only confusing you,”

“What do I do now?”

“For now,” Indra began shifting slightly. “Talk to your therapist and let him help you, okay? Professional help can never go wrong. I could be…biased or something. And…also, you need to re-evaluate stuff and…keep an open mind,” she nodded along with her words. “And know that, either way, you are enough, and you matter. Whatever you find, embrace it. you’ve been doing really amazing, so far,” she smiled at me, brushing my knee.

“That…that really means a lot,” I said placing my hand on top of hers. “So…therapy, re-evaluate and…don’t date,” I listed off. “Is it supposed to be this confusing? I feel like I’m overexaggerating-“ Indra laughed at me, shimmying out of the bed.

“Miles, you overexaggerate just about anything,” she said standing up to put her shoes on. “That’s nothing new,” she said.

“But…what about…what’s going to happen if I have to,” I swallowed. “you know, get down with a woman? I have a v****a,”

“For now, you have a v****a,” she pointed out. “And you know, lesbians make it work. You can always scissor each other to orgasm,”

“You’re an i***t,” I said chuckling lowly.

“What? I’m just saying,” she shrugged. “Did you make dinner? I didn’t cook,”

“No, I had an early dinner at that…restaurant,” I said trying not think about what I left behind. Indra gasping successfully pulled me out.

“You went out without me?” she said. “You b***h, what am I supposed to eat now?”

“You can order in?” I suggested, earning a glare as she snatched her phone from the bed. “Can you order for me as well?” I spoke. When she gave me a look. “I didn’t finish my food,”

“Good,” she said. “You can starve to death, i***t,”

“You’re being dramatic,” I pointed out.

“Said a spade to another spade,”

*****

“Good morning, Miles,” I looked up to see the manager walking into the printing room.

“Good morning, Mr Samuel,” I greeted back.

“By any chance,” I turned back to him when he stood next to me. “Has Mr Stark said anything to you?”

“Something like what?” I asked, grabbing the last batch of documents for the afternoon meeting.

“The proposal I gave you,” he said. “You gave it to him, right?”

“Yes, I did,” I said. “I’m afraid Mr Stark has been…occupied in the past few days. I’ll make sure to remind him,” I said.

“Thanks,” he said clasping my shoulder. “You do that,”

“Sure, Mr S,”

I walked back to Mr Stark’s office, whistling to myself. Today should be a good day. Mr Stark is back at the office, and he seems like…himself. And he’s not talking much, which is to be expected. The man doesn’t talk much. This should be great.

Right.

I knocked once on the door before letting myself in. “Mr Stark, I just spoke to Mr Sam-“ I froze when my ears picked up sounds. Moaning sounds. Loud moaning sounds. I made a mistake of looking up. I wished I hadn’t.

Lying on the table, is the same blonde woman who had come in with Mr Stark in the early morning, for a meeting. Two hours later, she’s still here. Spread out on the table, with Mr Stark on top of her. “Sorry!” I shoot out the office. “I’m sorry,” I said quickly, fighting the urge to cringe. Shutting the door close, I bolted for the elevator. “Oh God, please let me unsee that,” I groaned.

“Sorry!” I yelled after running into someone on the ground floor, on my way to Indra’s workstation. I pushed the small door leading to the other side of the reception countertop. Indra turns to me with a suspicious look as she spoke to one of the workers. I plopped down on her chair, with a groan. I only get about a minute or two before she’s onto me.

“Okay, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Spill,” she turns to me, leaning against the counter.

“I wish I’d seen a ghost,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Well…” she pressed. “b***h tell me,”

I looked around, making sure no one is around or close enough to hear us. “Are there any cameras in here?” I looked around her files and small table.

“Don’t be dramatic, there’s no bugs or cameras here. Now tell me what happened,”

“I walked in on Mr Stark,” I said. When she didn’t say anything. “s*x Indra,” I hissed looking around quickly. “He was having s*x in his office,” Indra gasped, dramatically clasping her mouth in shock. Kicking my legs open, she sat herself down on my left thigh.

“You’re being serious?” she whisper shouted.

“I went to drop this file and to let him know about Mr Samuel’s proposal and I walked in to…you know,” I cringed at the images in my head. “Is there a safe way to bleach my brain. I can’t unsee that,” Indra giggled, hitting me on the shoulder.

“Does he moan?” Indra asked me. “Did he look like a s*x God while railing her? Oh, did it look like something out of a porn site? How big is h-“

“Oh my God, b***h slow down with the sluttiness,” I said my face twisting in disgust. “I’m not telling you anything. He’s our boss, remember?”

“Yes, but he’s also our hot boss and…I just want to know if he’s as good as I imagined,” she said dreamily.

“You imagine Mr Stark having s*x?”

“With me? Many times,” she said with a sigh.

“You’re gross,”

“Is he big? Is it really pierc-“

“Aah! Shut up. I’m not telling you,” I said covering my ears. “Besides, I didn’t see anything of that sort,”

“Okay, tell me the position, at least,” I glared at her. “What? I wanna know his favourite position,”

“You did not just say that,”

“And you are a party pooper. I envy your job. It’s more interesting than mine,” she said standing up with a sigh. “Like, I should be seeing that. Not you,”

“You wouldn’t last an hour as his assistant,”

“And I bet you would,” I eyed her suspiciously, the underlying tone behind her words so uncanny. “I mean, as his…assistant,” she added biting back a smile. I groaned slumping against her table.

“You disgust me,”

*****

I must have fallen asleep at the reception area.

“Wake up, your phone’s ringing,” I groaned when Indra shook me awake. I sat, stretching my arms. The man standing behind the countertop eyed me sideways. I eyed my phone before picking it up.

“Yes Mr Stark?” I answer.

“My office. Now,” was all he said before hanging up. I groaned, standing up.

“Are you still in trading jobs?” I turned to Indra who laughed at me.

“Good luck,” she said.

I knocked more than once on Mr Stark’s office and heard him grumble a low ‘come in’ before I entered. He doesn’t even look up and I’m grateful for it. I just need to be professional about it. Adults have s*x. I shouldn’t be weirded out.

“You called for me,” I spoke up.

“Get me the Roman Enterprise files. All of them,” he said his eyes glued to the computer. “Ask my mother to send you any available files she has,”

“You’re going ahead with it?” I blurted out and cringed when he glared at me. “I’ll need to call the company,” I said clearing my throat, keeping my eyes on the table.

“That’s what I expect you to do, Mr Manando,” he said.

“Yes sir,” I said turning to leave. I stopped when I remembered something. “Mr Samuel wanted to know if you’ve looked into his pro-“

“Do you work for Mr Samuel or me?”

“It’s just that he’s-“

“Do. You. Work for me or Samuel?” I gulped. I’m walking on thin ice.

“You sir,” I said. “I apologise,”

Mr Stark didn’t say another word, so I walked out faster that I intended.

“Mr Manando?” I turned back around when he called me.

“Yes sir?” I stood by the door.

“I expect you to get your passport ready,” he said. I frowned at that.

“My passport is ready, sir,” I told him. Being his assistance meant I’d have to follow him wherever he went, so I had to make sure my stuff is up to date.

“Good,” he said. “You’re coming with me to Seattle,”

*****