You are my Wild Rose

On the other side of the world

It’s almost time.

I watch as the loud ticking sound makes its way round and round from one number to another. Calm and periodical in its pace. The universal walking sound originates from this source.

The only sound in the hall.

Looking around everyone around me is a different emotion. The girl in front of me is busy twisting her ponytail and the boy, on my right, is playing pen fight himself.

The old man in a check blue shirt and wide knot tie, scrutinising everyone who is present in this grand hall. The large open windows opposite the entrance allow the sunlight to stream in.

While the shrubs on the other side, present a scenic view. The birds pecking and jumping from one branch to another.

To present a soothing scene to an agitated mind and company to a lonely soul.

Loneliness. It doesn’t necessarily come with being alone in your house, workplace or school cafeteria. Sitting alone with no friends.

But rather it comes from inside.

If you are lonely in your heart and have no one in the world to share its contents with - you feel lonely. And carry despair, longing, numbness, boredom and a deep void inside you.

A void, you can’t fill with any number of parties, booze, fast cars, a collection of shoes or girls. The things that come easily with money.

I know. I have tried it all.

The minute hand is about to meet its neighbour hand on the top of the clock when a booming loud order comes from our front desk.

"Please hand over your answer sheets on time or else you won’t be marked."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"f*****g hell, it’s over!"  An overexcited dog is proclaiming his freedom with his arms wide open towards the sky above. On the front steps of our school.

"You look like a fool."

"I just got out of prison."

"Stop enacting that scene from Shawshank Redemption."

"Of course I would." Here he goes again.

"We all have become prisoners of this capitalist ideology. A system of torturing innocent teenagers with due permission from their naive parents. Only to wear the same dress code every day, inhibiting our freedom of self-expression. And harsh punishments on promoting love for humanity in open space."

He’s fast and catching up with my already fast pace and is holding his question paper as a roll to his lips.

Like a big cigar, he would just love to burn. I’m sure he would do that too. With the lighter in the glove compartment of his car. Next,  clicking cool pictures and posting them on social media. This would make everyone go mad from his parents to the faculty.

The only reason he would do anything.

"You were making out with Sasha with your hands under her skirt. In front of the staffroom to aggravate his father, Mr Hardin, our maths professor." Pulling out the mirror of truth in front of this fucker is my least favourite task.

"Don’t call my love low-names. I would die for my beloved." Now he’s become a Romeo.

Before I could remark on his usage of Elizabethan words,  a trio stops us.

Three girls in blonde, black and brown ponytails now standing on my way to the car.

The girl in the middle already has her smooth fair hand on my chest with long shiny nails. Is this how girls prepare for mid-term exams?

"Hello, Jay. And Tom you too." She sure is fast. I didn’t even notice her small hand on my uniform toying with the button.

What would Vinny say about her agility?

"You should thank the man above that she doesn't have a dagger in hand."

"Hey there, Angelina. We’re just wondering when we would cross paths with the school's famous bi-witchy cat. You sure are fast in those heels."

Tom, as usual, loves her more than he does cricket.

Angelina ignores her as usual and is rather laser-focused on me.

Fixed on looking into my eyes. This girl has always been bold. I have to give her that much credit.

"Tom, I find your attempt at the sense of humour lost." The black one interjects. "Like your personality and academic marks."

"Tom is just fooling around. Don’t mind him, girls." My intervention seems necessary and time-saving.

"I’m heading for home. Does anyone want a lift?" That slipped out.

Shit. What if they agree?

I look directly at Angelina while removing her hand from my arm. Now to prove that I have to be somewhere already. She looks like the leader of the trio also.

"That’s too sad. We were hoping to take you guys out for lunch and celebrate the end of mid-semester." Angelina does her usual pout. Does she do this to everyone or just me?

"That’s our good-godly bad luck. But hey, ask anyone from the soccer team, and they’ll even arrange chauffeurs for you." I hide my smile with my hand. Tom is never going to let go of teasing obnoxious girls. He is damn persistent.

"No thanks, we will just continue on our own. If Jay is not there then no one else will be."

She directs this at me, stepping too much closer. I can smell the ten layers of her fruity perfume. Wait, all three are wearing the same fragrance. Strange, wonder what else they share.

My train headed towards the gutter is pulled from tracks by Alex. He slaps us on the back in greeting.  Robbing everyone’s attention from me.

Thank the lord.

"Hey, you all party tonight at mine. Don’t be late and bring some booze boys and girls-". Alex has a reputation in girls, despite being a non-athlete and trying to score grass all day. "- bring only yourself."

Mr and Mrs Shaw must be on vacation again, leaving their only son behind.

He completes his cheesy lines while leaning towards the trio and dropping his voice. All three of them blush at the same time.

Some talent since middle school.

Alex turns towards me and I already hate his next words. "Jay, you better be their man! You are a female magnet my friend and I’ll be needing your powers tonight."

He’s gonna create some trouble tonight for sure.

Tom can’t hold back his curiosity as his liquor. "Why bro. What's special?" The trio has already stepped in close and is busy tucking hair behind their ears.

Synchronisation is better than an orchestra.

"I am turning legal tonight and it’s going to be all forbidden stuff. The other school is also invited, plus our crazy seniors." Alex and Tom both jump in excitement.

Alex plans on getting the whole batch wasted. It is already working because not only people here are excited, but around us too. There is an exciting buzz in the parking lot now.

The Reason? Party tonight. Because Alex does it like no one else.

Except me. The excitement is aloof to me.

Actually the opposite. I’m feeling the opposite.

At the mention of a birthday celebration, my heart dropped in my stomach.

I can’t breathe anymore.

The numbness takes over me so quickly that I wonder if everybody has gone silent.

But watching those around me fine and with their lips moving and eyes shining. Pushes me into the realisation.

That I’m losing control.

"Jay, you have to be there, please. It’s a question of our school's pride and dignity of hotness." If I don’t make it out of here, these are soon going to be on their knees like puppies asking for cookies.

"No, I have to be somewhere." I somehow form the words and they escape my throat.

I swing my backpack on my shoulder and press my car key, getting a beep in response.

"But what could be so important? The exams are already over." A question in unison asked by both male and female in different words, but the same intent comes from behind.

I won't dignify it with an answer, rather get in the car and leave.

I haven’t forgotten what month it is.

It comes every year. But I try not to confront the dark, deep well of memories that digs deep into my brain and the uneasy feeling in my chest.

I should have run when I was stopped by those girls. And now Alex has robbed me of my sanity and peace which was already slipping away.

Loneliness - it arrived before its time.

It’s already here now.

And the pain never left.