Unexpected Coversation
1020 Words
I feel so nervous and my hands keep on trembling after school when Amelia and I are heading home. Every time I look at her, the scenario between her and Dad earlier bugs my mind. And thinking that I also disobeyed them is giving me total creeps.
I wanted too bad to tell Amelia about this because I know we have the same situation and issue but I also can't take risks. She hates me.
I sighed heavily and she turned to me with confusion. "What's wrong with you?"
I shook my head continuously. "N-nothing."
Her forehead furrowed before looking back at the window. I exhaled without a sound. This is so much pressure.
But this is what I want. Even once...I just want to do what I want to do.
"Say it if you're going to say something," Amelia suddenly uttered.
My eyes widened. I can only see her back. Does she feel that I am trembling here?
I glanced at our driver, who seemed not to care about anything.
"O-oh, it's nothing. Really. J-just..."
"Just what?"
"Y-your conversation with D-dad."
"What about it?"
I sighed and rested my back on the chair. How can I say that we have the same burden?
There is only one thing that is running in my mind.
Will she understand me?
"You want to take the law," I uttered.
"Hmm?"
"It's cool..."
She turned to me. "What do you want to say?"
"It must be uncomfortable. You want something but they...they don't."
"Why? Do you want to study law, too?"
"No!" I shook my head. "It's not that."
"Then what is it?"
I giggled uncomfortably. "Well, you know them. They want what they think is the best."
"But they are not telling you anything yet."
I nodded. "Yeah. Why is that?"
It's true. Amelia wants to be a lawyer but they want her to be a model. I want to be a singer but they want me...not to be a singer. I don't know yet.
"Give them time. They will eventually agree with it."
"You think so?"
"Patience. That is what we need when we belong to that kind of family."
Silence filled the car. I was uncomfortable, but having this little talk with her made it easy. I didn't know we will get to have this kind of conversation. All we do is fight. All she did was hate me.
"What is it that you want?" she asked.
When I turned to her, she was not looking at me anymore. Her gaze was outside the car window.
Shady and sunny are fighting. If you look at it, it looks wonderful. Feels like negativity and positivity combined. But as a person, you will understand what it feels like. It's no fun.
"Still..."
I couldn't finish it.
Dad and especially Mom know that I badly want to sing. They know I write songs and they hated it. Surely, Amelia knows it too. I mean, how can she not know, right?
"Sing?" she said bluntly.
I couldn't look at her either. Not that I feel ashamed, but I feel sorry for myself. I am so determined even though I really don't have the support of the people that I need. It's...pathetic.
"I never heard you sing, though."
I turned to her.
"You never let me talk, either."
Her brow shot up. "Oh, that? I get annoyed easily, that's why."
"Are you saying that I'm annoying?" My eyebrows met.
"Sometimes." She shrugged.
I bit my lower lip and looked at her ridiculously. I was about to talk when the car stopped.
"We're here," says our driver.
Making faces, I walked out of the car behind my older sister. I kept on making fun behind her back, but when I saw our dark house, nervousness filled my whole body.
I just got news that it could kill my butterflies, but how could I tell them that?
I faked my signature. I eventually did on my own. But why do I have the feeling that they still need to know? Because if they don't, something horrible will really happen.
"What?" I stopped when I almost bumped Amelia.
She stopped from walking and I didn't even realize it so it shocked me.
"H-huh?"
"What's wrong with you? You look so scared."
"W-what? I'm not."
"Stop it," she said and walked away.
I sighed heavily before following her. We both headed to the dining room where our servant told us to go since Mom and Dad are there.
"How's school?" Mom asked.
It was a quiet yet pressuring environment inside the dining room. Maybe because Amelia and Dad's argument isn't healed yet.
"Good. I passed our exam," Amelia answered.
Mom nodded and gracefully ate her food. "Good."
I gulped so hard and dry that I needed to drink a lot of water. I know I will be the next one to be asked. My palms are sweating and my heart is tumbling so wild that I want to puke.
I got in the registration. We will do the audition and I have a full trust in myself. They don't know a thing about it so what will happen to me?
"Emily?"
It was the sudden realization that hit me.
"Y-yeah?"
Mom stared at me. "How was school?"
Her stare was as if she knew that I did something they wouldn't like. I exhaled deeply and think carefully of the words that I will say.
Because if not...I'm doomed.
"It's great. Everything went smoothly."
"Teachers don't coerce you anymore to that singing thing?"
My hand shakes.
"N-no."
"Good. Don't ever think of joining in despicable kinds of event."
I sighed heavily and looked down at my trembling hands. I expected this. But I keep on expecting that I will also get hurt countless times. I just want to try it until I can't anymore.
I believe in myself and in the passion that I want. I will never pity myself for choosing this path that I badly wanted to take in the fort place. One thing I didn't want to lose was my hope.
And now I totally lost it.
- Writer
