I Can’t Breathe In This Life
1046 Words
Chapter 4
The next morning came quietly. No loud noises. No screaming voices. Just sunlight pushing through the hotel curtains like it didn’t care about the storm inside me.
I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at my fingers. The wedding ring Jacob gave me didn’t sparkle. It was plain. Cold. Light on my hand, but heavy on my chest.
He was already up. I could hear the sound of water running in the bathroom, followed by silence, then the door opening.
Jacob stepped out wearing a clean white shirt. His sleeves rolled up just enough to show his watch and that tattoo on his wrist I hadn’t noticed before. A small symbol, nothing fancy… but it made me wonder.
Who was this man I married?
“Morning,” he said, his voice still low, still calm.
“Morning,” I replied, barely loud enough.
He sat across from me at the tiny hotel table and picked up a pen. Then he glanced at me like he was about to say something but changed his mind.
“You don’t talk much,” he said after a moment.
“I used to,” I whispered. “But lately, every time I do… people leave.”
Jacob nodded like he understood. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn’t.
“I need to go to the office later,” he said. “You can stay here, or I can take you to get new clothes.”
I blinked. “Clothes?”
“You don’t have any. I noticed. You came with nothing.”
I swallowed hard. That part was true. I ran away from my old life with a broken heart and two things: my phone and pain.
“I don’t want to be a burden,” I said.
“You’re not,” he answered quickly. “This marriage might’ve started as a deal, but I take care of what’s mine.”
That word—mine—it made my stomach twist.
I didn’t want to belong to anyone. Not like before.
But I nodded anyway.
We went to a quiet boutique across town. Not a flashy mall, just a small place with soft music and kind workers. Jacob waited outside while I tried on a few things.
I looked at myself in the mirror.
I didn’t look like a wife.
I looked like a scared girl pretending to be strong.
When we got back to the hotel, the sky turned grey. Rain tapped lightly on the window like it wanted to come in.
Jacob sat by the window, watching it.
“I hate the sound of rain,” I said without thinking.
He looked over. “Why?”
“It reminds me of crying.”
He didn’t laugh. He didn’t ask stupid questions. He just nodded, like he knew what that meant.
“I don’t hate it,” he said. “But I don’t like storms. They remind me of home.”
I didn’t ask what that meant either.
We were two strangers sitting in a room, married by papers but tied by silence.
That night, I lay on one side of the bed, he on the other.
We didn’t touch. We didn’t talk much. But when I turned away from him, I heard his voice again.
“Liana?”
“Yes?”
“Whatever happens next… don’t run without telling me.”
I held my breath.
“I don’t want to be left like that again,” he said, softer now.
My heart cracked a little.
“Okay,” I whispered. “I won’t run.”
But in my head… I already knew I might.
Because something still didn’t feel right. Something was coming. Something that would push me to do the one thing I promised I wouldn’t.
After Jacob’s words, I couldn’t sleep.
I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling, listening to the rain. It wasn’t heavy, just enough to make the night feel slower… sadder.
I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. Maybe I had cried too much already. Maybe my heart was too numb now.
I turned to face him in the dark. His eyes were closed, but I could tell he wasn’t sleeping either. His breathing wasn’t steady. It was shallow, like he had something trapped inside him too.
I didn’t know why, but I whispered, “Jacob… are you okay?”
He didn’t open his eyes.
“No,” he said.
The word felt like a quiet truth we both shared. Neither of us was okay. But we were here. Together. In this strange marriage that didn’t feel like a marriage at all.
“I don’t know how to be someone’s wife,” I said, not expecting an answer.
He opened his eyes then, and they found mine in the dark.
“I don’t know how to be someone’s husband either,” he replied.
I gave a small smile, even if it didn’t last.
“I was supposed to get married yesterday,” I said, voice soft like a secret. “White dress. Flowers. Music. But the man I loved never showed up. He left me waiting… like I was nothing.”
Jacob didn’t speak. He just listened.
“And now I’m here… in this room… with you,” I added. “And I don’t even know who you really are.”
Jacob looked away for a moment before whispering, “Maybe that’s better. Maybe knowing me would make you run faster.”
That made me pause. My heart sank a little.
“What are you hiding?” I asked, barely breathing.
He looked at me again. His eyes weren’t angry. They were tired. Deep. Like they carried too much weight.
“More than I should,” he said.
We both went quiet again.
There were no kisses. No touches. Just the truth sitting heavy between us.
And somewhere in that silence, I realized something—
We were both broken.
But sometimes… broken people understand each other better than anyone else.
As the rain kept falling outside, I moved a little closer—not too close, just enough that he could feel I was there.
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t need to.
And for the first time since everything went wrong…
I didn’t feel completely alone.
- Writer
