When The Rain Falls

CHAPTER 15

When Jules arrived, he let himself through the door. As he approached the dining room, he heard whimpering cries he did not recognize as Amelia, but something worse. Holding his breath as he went towards the noise, he blew it hard through his nose when he saw a familiar blond Scottish woman sitting down, and not the multi-colored hair of his American girl. Feeling a sense of anger he hadn't anticipated, he stomped over to Arya and slammed a fist on the table, glaring down at her.

"The f**k ye doin' here girl?" He growled at her. "Ready ta ruin another of his lives?"

Arya looked up at him, her defiance reflecting in her tear-stained face. "I want my husband and children back Jules."

"Why? Because he's happy now?" Jules sat down in a chair adjacent to her, aghast. "Arya, how could ye do this ta him? Ta the girls? Where are they?"

Arya sniffled. "Ainslee took them both to her room. She's... she's not adjusting well."

"O'course she isn't. She's losing the only woman who hasn't abandoned her." He rubbed his forehead. "Such a headache ye are, Arya. Ye don't think of anyone but ye'self. Did ye forget this is Ainslee's birthday? And ye come in and f**k it up like this, good Lord."

"Jules, stop, please!" Arya begged. "I just want my family back. I know it'll hurt Amelia, and I know Ainslee isn't happy. Fiona barely knows me. I need to change it, I-"

"All about you, Arya." Jules growled. "As always."

Heavy footsteps from the stairs welcomed Callen's reappearance. His face was cold, but his eyes portrayed his true feelings. When he looked up, he saw Jules and stopped in his tracks.

"Well, if it isn't our other player in the game. How ye been Callen?" Jules asked brightly. "Or better yet, how's me girl? The one I trusted ye with? The one I said explicitly not to fuckin' hurt?"

Shame crept into his face, turning his pale pallor a light shade of crimson. "Did she ask you to pick her up? Is she going back to a hostel? Which one?"

"Where she's going is none of your concern, Callen." Jules stood from his seat.

"I'll need to know where she'll be, Jules." Callen pressed him.

Jules gave him a look that made him shrink back. "I told you, young man. She will never be of concern to you again. Now quit yer fuckin' askin'."

Callen nodded quietly. Staring blankly at the floor, he shoved his hands in his pockets and muttered "I tried to get her to stay. Even for just an adjustment period. She won't do it."

"O'Course not Callen." Jules rolled his eyes and pointed towards Arya. "Amelia fuckin' fell for you, an' yer requestin' her to watch as ye turn out yer ex-wife? Why don' ya ask Jason ta rail Arya for a bit on th' table an' see what it feels like?"

Callen bared his teeth. "That's enough, old man!" He shouted, then pulled himself back. Becoming rigid again, he stood tall, his face a blank emotional palette. "I have to get her pay. I'll be right back. Please don't let her leave before I can say good bye."

"Make haste, son."

Callen walked towards the bedrooms, leaving Jules alone with Arya. They sat in scathing silence until Jules heard Amelia's door open, and her luggage clunking down the stairs. He stood up immediately and grabbed her heaviest suitcase, and she smiled gratefully.

"Thanks for coming Jules." She said, her voice low. "I don't know what else I could have done."

"You'd have figured out that I was here and still I'd have dropped everything for you." He lifted her case. "Is this all of it?"

"Mhm." Amelia avoided Arya's gaze. When the other woman attempted to speak, Jules snapped a look at her that made her mouth close. "I'm ready when you are."

"Callen's off ta git yer pay-"

"Like I told him already." She growled. "I'm not a whore."

Amelia walked passed him to the door, successfully avoiding Callen when he returned. He came back into view just as the door closed behind her, and he stared at the metal and wood frame for far too long. Jules snapped his fingers, bringing him back to reality.

"I'll send ye her schedule." He said low. "Do not show yer f*****g face while she's working."

Callen nodded solemnly, and handed Jules an envelope. "What... what I owe her. It's her cheque."

Jules took it from him, and opened the top. His eyebrows shot up in surprise before he closed it again. "No matter the amount Callen, you will always owe her."

Callen hung his head. "I know, old man." He said softly, staring at the door again. "I know."

"Did ye girls say g'bye yet?" Jules asked. "They'd be pissed eff'n they missed her."

Callen shook his head quickly, and looked back towards the bedrooms. "No, they don't know she's leaving.”

Jules tsk’d his tongue and snapped “Well get them, ya daft eejit. Y’gonna deny ‘em a chance t’say goodbye? Stupid.”

He went towards the back halls and called for Ainsley and Fiona to come back out. When they appeared, Fiona looked around, and Ainsley scowled. Jules looked at the girls and gave them a pleasant smile before speaking. “Girls, Amelia is by me car. Need y’t’say ya farewells.”

Fiona opened her mouth and screamed. Yanking her hand away from her sister, she ran towards the door. Ainsley cursed and followed her, along with Callen and Jules. The younger girl was desperately trying to open the door, and only succeeded when Ainsley helped her. She ran down the steps while Ainsley slammed the door behind her, almost hitting her father in the face. Callen looked back at Jules, who rolled his eyes and grabbed the handle and turned it.

“It works like that, son.” He said, bitterness in his tone.

Callen glared at him and walked out the door. He saw Amelia’s bags in Jules’ car, and her kneeling by the passenger side door. Ainsley had wrapped her arms around her neck, while his youngest gripped her knees, wailing. All of them were crying, with Amelia’s make-up becoming streaks of black mascara on her cheeks, and it tore him apart to see it. Nothing hurt more than when his girls were in pain, and he couldn’t stop it.

His girls. All three of them, he realized. All three of them.

“Don’t go, please don’t go.” Ainsley sobbed into her shoulder. “I can make her go away. I can do it. You can’t leave us.”

Amelia gently removed Ainsley’s death grip on her neck, and wrapped an arm around Fiona’s back. She brought the younger child to her side, and held her close. “I’m not leaving you. I’m not leaving you at all. I’m leaving your father. You guys, I’ll never leave you guys.”

Fiona howled, and the sound broke his heart. Callen ran down the stone steps and picked her up, pulling her arms off Amelia’s waist. “Fiona, please,” he begged her, pulling her close as her arms reached back. “Your mum is inside, she’s here.”

“Only until she leaves again!” Ainsley shouted. “She’s a shite human being, Father! Don’t you understand?!”

Callen began bouncing Fiona, attempting to calm her down. “Ainsley, you need to understand-”

“That you’re a f*****g eejit!” Ainsley screamed. “You only care about yourself, f**k what’s good for Fiona and I!”

“Ainsley, don’t talk to your father like that.” Amelia said, her voice stern. She stood up and pulled Ainsley close again. “Please don’t be disrespectful. He loves you, and this is what is best for you guys, okay?”

Ainsley shook her head, and bit down on her lip. “You’re what’s best for us. I don’t want to go to the cafe just to see you, I want you here. Can’t you stay just a little while? Please?”

Amelia swallowed the rock in her throat, and slowly shook her head. “I’m sorry Ainsley, I’m so sorry. Your mom and dad need time to be together. I can’t be here interrupting that. It’s not fair to them-.”

“I asked Amelia to stay for two more weeks,” Callen said loudly. Fiona’s arms wrapped around his neck and squeezed hard enough he had to slightly disengage them. “At the very least. She refused. Maybe if you ask, Ainsley, she will reconsider.”

Ainsley wrapped her arms around Amelia’s shoulders again, and buried her face in her hair. She begged and pleaded, her voice muffled. Amelia stared up at Callen, with a look in her eye that, for the first time since meeting her, caused a chill to walk down his spine. Her face seethed with a mixture of confusion, hatred, and betrayal. Carefully she withdrew from Ainsley and gave her a soft smile, sniffling, trying to hide the disdain she held for the girl's father.

“Two weeks.” She told her, brushing Ainsley’s hair off her face. “I can give it another two weeks, okay? But after that I need to leave. We'll spend loads of time together, and we'll work out when you can come over. I’ll let you know where I am. Do me a favor and take Fiona and give her some food. She hasn’t eaten anything in a few hours, and you know she’ll get cranky.”

With a nod, Ainsley reached for Fiona and snatched her from her father's arms. “I’ll figure out how to make this right.” she whispered, giving Amelia a wan smile. Looking back at Callen, she snarled “I’ll fix this, since you can't be bothered to,” and marched back into the house.

Callen watched her go, desperately trying to calm his breathing. He waited until Ainsley had closed the door behind her before he turned back to Amelia, a thankful smile perched on his lips.

He was met with a closed fist swing that made his teeth chatter and his ears ring. The sudden impact made him bite his cheek, and he leaned over, covering his face while he coughed and spat out blood. He turned to her with a rage he hadn’t felt in ages, and was shocked to see his own emotion mirrored in her own face.

“You f*****g piece of shit.” Amelia snapped at him. She shoved his shoulder hard, and he stumbled backwards. He still stared at her in shock and she screamed in frustration. “How could you do that to me? Bring the girls into this? The girls?!”

Taking a deep breath, he slowed his heartbeat and calmed his voice down. “You were leaving. Me girls were upset. It was the only thing I could do.”

“No, you could have just fessed up to f*****g up, and done what I f*****g asked you to do.” Amelia snarled. When he looked at her, she narrowed her eyes and clicked her tongue, glaring at him with an unadulterated fury. “To leave me alone, Callen! But instead, you used your kids to hurt me? To get your own way? You’re worse than your own father, at least he never used you to get what the f**k he wanted!”

The last thread of composure that Callen held finally snapped. Stalking towards her, he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her to the car, her back slamming into the side door. With a thumb in her throat and his fingers wrapped around the nape of her neck, he brought his face close to her, and he stared down into her cat like eyes. Her body shook under his, and he saw out of the corner of his eye her struggling to find something to attack him back with. He pushed her harder into the car, and leaned down closer to her, face to face, so that when he spoke she could feel his breath on her lips. “I am nothing like him, Amelia,” he spoke through gritted teeth. “And you will never speak of him to me again.”

He pulled away slowly, and opened the back door of Jules’ car, yanking out one of her suitcases. She didn’t look at him, but he could see the fear in her eyes. “Two weeks, Amelia. I ask for two weeks, in which you will be paid very handsomely. You will help me transition Arya back into their lives. You will help me make sure they are adjusting to the fact you and I are no longer together.”

“And what if I don’t?” Amelia said, the shock still relevant in her voice. “What if I don’t help?”

He scoffed, and shook his head. “Oh, you will.” He gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You love them more than you hate me.” Grabbing her other bag he threw it over his shoulder, staring coldly at her. “I may have been your first, Amelia. But I was not destined to be your last. We had a good thing, it was fun. It helped us when it did. But I never promised you forever, Amelia. I promised that to Arya.”

Glaring at him with disdain, Amelia shook with anger. Her fingers clawed into her fists, almost drawing blood. “Two weeks. But I’ll only be there for the kids.”

“That’s all I ask for, Amelia.”

“Okay then.” She stalked past him, as he carried his bags behind her. “Just for the kids.”

Yanking open the front door, she caught Arya’s gaze and returned it coldly before stalking up the stairs. Callen followed her, ignoring Arya’s cries for him, until she stood up from her chair and came to his side. She grabbed his free arm and pulled him to a stop, her eyes moving from him to Amelia’s retreating form.

“Wait, is she staying?” Arya asked.

Jules came up behind her, looking from Amelia to Callen. “Callen, me boy, what’s goin’ on?”

“Amelia is staying so she can take care of the children while we figure ourselves out,” Callen said, his voice low. “Please do not interfere.”

Arya let go of his arm and took a step back, shaking her head. “I-I don’t believe that’s a good idea, Callen. I can find a place for her, pay the rent for a year so she can-”

“No.” Callen snapped at her. “The girls requested she stay and assist in the transition of you coming back here. It will be for two weeks. That’s all she’ll give me.”

“All she’ll give you, or ye girls?” Jules interrupted. He reached for Amelia’s bags. “I’ll take ‘em up t’her-”

“I’ll do it.” Callen pulled the bags out of his reach. “We need to talk more about ground rules and boundaries.”

He didn’t wait for their response. Instead, he walked up the stairs and looked at the door. She had already entered her room, and left the door slightly ajar. Stepping inside, he searched for the key to the door as he set the luggage down. Amelia was inside the bathroom, the water on, and he walked around the corner to see the key on the counter, and her wiping the mascara streaks from her cheeks. She had already taken out the earrings and the facial piercings, and her glasses were set next to the sink. Seeing her this vulnerable, with out her caked on mask, wrenched his insides. Clearing his throat to get her attention, he realized she was blatantly ignoring him and his existence in the same room as her. Letting a breath out, he leaned against the door frame and folded his arms over his chest.

“You can ignore me all you wish, Amelia,” he said softly. “But y’need to hear me. I’m sorry for how I reacted outside. I’m sorry for usin’ Ainsley’s emotions to get you to stay. For putting me hands on you. It was wrong of me. On all parts.”

“Huh.” Amelia pulled her eyelids open and pulled out her contact lens. “Seems like you’ve been sorry about a lot of things lately, Officer.”

“Back to Officer now?” He said. Tilting his head he murmured “I figured we were on a more intimate level than that.”

“We were.” She picked up her glasses, and slid them on, then turned to face him. “You do realize what that means, right?” Callen stared at her, his eyes softening with confusion. Amelia pressed her lips together, and gave him a cold look. “We have to show the girls that there is nothing between us anymore. That what we had is over. Meaning I’ll be here for the girls. But not for you.”

“We’ve established that-”

“Arya’s going to be here, isn’t she?” Amelia said softly. “For dinner, for breakfast, spending the night, all those things. Isn’t she?”

“Yes, she is,” Callen replied softly. “We’re moving in together, albeit slowly. The girls need to get used to her presence again.

Amelia looked down at the bathroom counter. “Then we need to establish our own boundaries. Callen, I will stay here for two weeks. Maybe even three if I need to. I’ll even do it for free.” She brought her gaze back to his, and took note of the storm clouds he had in his eyes. “But only for the girls. Only.”

“Of course.”

“Then, tonight, I’m going out.” She said. Her arms dropped to her sides, and she looked up at him. “And I’m going to enjoy myself. I’m going to enjoy others. And I’m not going to think of you while I do it.”

Callen’s face turned red, and his jaw tightened. “Wait. You’re going to what?”

Amelia gave him a hard look. “I’m not going to think of you anymore, Callen. I’m going to think of myself. Of my wants. Of what I desire. There are going to be nights when I’m not coming home, and I want you to know, I’ll be doing exactly what you think I’m doing.”

He stared at her, his face becoming pale. “What will you be doing, Amelia?”

“Remember what you thought of me when you first met me? When I came home from the date with Kenny? When you first f****d me?” She spat the last sentence out so viciously, he flinched. “Start there. And I swear to whatever f*****g God you worship, Callen Fraser, if you try and stop me, I’ll make damn sure you know just what a w***e I can be.”

Amelia grabbed the key to the door, and stomped past his frozen form. She pointed to the open door, and bared her teeth at him. “Now get the f**k out.”

The rage, agony, and defeat on his face didn't satisfy her as much as she had thought it would. Angrily he stomped out of the room, not trusting himself to speak. Slamming the door hard enough the frame could have splintered, Amelia lay on the bed and stared at the wall. It took another hour before she found the courage to cry.

-----

Life is such a f****d up, beautiful thing.

I didn’t actually go out that night. Instead, I stayed in. I read to Fiona, helped Ainsley with some project she forgot was due in three days but had a month to handle, and explained the situation to Jules over the phone. He was afraid for me, as he warned me of Callen’s temper and ability to wound you with his words, but I assured him it would be okay. If it came down to being horrifying, of course, I’d cut the time short, and made it known to the happy couple that I had no problems leaving early.

For almost a week, I avoided Callen and Arya. She was there every day, he didn’t have to go back to work for another four days, and I slowly but surely closed down my heart to him and opened it further for the kids. They did their day thing, lunch dates, sitting together, talking through their issues, hashing out ideas of what to do when Arya officially moved back in, and I took the girls out to ease them into our break-up, and their make-up. I gave them full warning that at the least, two weeks, the most, three weeks, and I'd have to move out. Ainsley was slowly understanding it, and accepting it with all the wonderful moodiness of a teenager, but Fiona refused to take it. Whenever I brought it up to her, she’d scream and shake her head, and could only be calmed down by her sister or her father. She refused to acknowledge Arya, and no lie, I was kinda pleased with that. You can’t just walk out on a kid and expect it to be okay to waltz back in.

It hit me the hardest when I came home with the groceries, hauling in the stupid organic crap that Arya requested, and they were in the kitchen. He was pouring himself a drink, and she had her back to me with her head on his shoulder, her hand in his back pocket. Her eyes were closed, and she was breathing in his scent deeply, and I knew what she was smelling. His mix of some expensive cologne, his only vice, was reminiscent of cedar, sandalwood, and vanilla with a touch of citrus. I bought him a collection of it for his birthday a month or so ago, and he was flabbergasted at the cost, telling me that my presence was enough of a gift. But he still used it anyway. His eyes were staring down at his drink, soft murmurs between the both of them in such an elegant, intimate conversation of two people in love with no knowledge of them being watched.

They looked so f*****g beautiful and perfect together. Arya isn’t short. She’s at least five foot ten barefoot, and she towered over me. I barely scraped the five foot six mark with my heels. With him being a tree himself, they just, I don’t know. Fit. They fit perfectly.

And I hated it.

When he leaned his head down to hers and kissed her as deeply as he used to do to me, it was then I made myself known.

By dropping the groceries.

And choking down a breath that seemed to stay in my throat while my heart broke.

His head shot up quickly, and he stared in my direction, but I was already heading up the stairs to my room. I overheard Arya saying she would follow and talk to me, but he stopped her, instead opted to pick up the groceries I left behind. He told her to let me be, that what I was feeling was expected, and she would only make it worse. I was thankful he convinced her to leave me alone. I was already preparing the balcony to throw them both over it if I needed to.

I laid back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I was all cried out. I just felt numb. Was this what heartbreak felt like?

Callen’s words were coming to me full throttle. ‘I may have been your first, but I am not destined to be your last.’ How f****d up was that? I thought if you ever opened yourself up like that, the possibility of having a future was there. He wanted to see where we went. He wanted me to stay on, probably not to just take care of the kids. It was his idea to keep us going.

I was angry at first, and then, well, hurt. He was one of the only people I trusted in this God-forsaken country, and within seconds he threw it away. I thought there was a future where I didn’t have to run. Where I didn’t have to worry.

I rolled over on my stomach and pulled out my phone. I hadn’t texted Daniela in a bit, and I avoided her weekly call. I didn’t want to hear about how she was right about not getting close. About not falling for him. About just using him for a good time, then ride it out the door. She didn’t bet on me falling in love with him.

I frowned at that. Was I in love with Callen? Or was it just infatuation? Did I love him, or did I love him for the kids?

I swallowed the emotion down my throat. One way to find out.

I pulled out my phone and pulled out the appstore. I typed in dating apps, then deleted it, instead, typing in Hook up apps. Geezus, there were a lot of them. Tinder, Bumble, Pure, DOWN. I rolled my eyes and thought f**k it, and got them all. I thought it was kind of funny. I was never one of those type of girls, just looking for a one time thing. But now I want to be. I wanted to be out there. I wanted to throw myself to the wolves. I just wanted to see what was out there, and if it hurt as much as this did.

I threw in some information, no pictures, and just started swiping. Looking around. I almost laughed when I saw Kenny on there, but immediately did a pass. Mostly guys my age, with big smiles, all wanting to just hang out and ‘see if it goes somewhere’. I’d been wallowing in my own lack of self worth, avoiding the happily newly reunited couple for almost a week now. And now, having a feeling for what I could only feel was the most important relationship I've had, I wanted more. In a perfect world, it would have been with Callen. In a Utopia, it would have involved the kids becoming mine over some time.

But I don’t live in a perfect world.

I don’t even live in a world where my name is mine.

I sat up on my bed and mussed my hair a bit, and unbuttoned my blouse. I threw my boobs out there, and snapped a photo, trying to give the best smile I could.

Fine, Callen Fraser. You do you, honey. I’ll do me.