His Weapon

XVII

("My heart is a forest, your words, an axe" - Jaydev Patel)

Zayn's POV

I remained absolutely silent after I foolishly let words that I never wanted out of my lips to slip out. Already I could tell she thought I was acting strange.

Back in the car, as my hands caressed her soft thighs, it's felt refreshing. The look on her face as her lips parted whiles I got closer and closer to where I desperately wanted to be scared me instantly. She looked devilishly beautiful and extremely sexy that I couldn't stand not having her, on a deeper level. My need for her quickly turned my admiration into anger, hating the fact that she had soo much power over me and in that moment I detested her.

I can't control myself, one moment I try to block her out and the next, all my walls get broken and I fall back into the aura of her beauty. I regretted it immediately I spoke to her in such a manner, I could almost feel her sadness but for some reason my heart even hardened more like it used to in the past.

I was sat in my study trying to get some work done but I kept thinking about her. She's so selfless, she barely knows Nany but was already worrying as to how she would feel if our 'fake' affair came to an end, little did she know Nany already knows.

A soft knock interrupted my thoughts. I had a feeling it was Nany because Muna would never disturb me when I'm working so I remained silent, hoping she'd go away but it's Nany, she didn't. She peaked in to check if I was actually there and when she saw me staring back at her she chuckled and let herself in, closing the door behind her.

"I got her situated into her room, she's fine" she said, taking a seat before me and I just nodded.

"Maybe I should go get you coffee or something?" She asked, examining me. I shook my head no and she sighed dramatically. "What did you do this time?" She asked sternly, leaving no room for whether I wanted to tell her or not, or whether I was the one at fault or not. It was my turn to sigh dramatically which caused her to roll her eyes at my imitation of her.

"I f****d up" I ran my fingers over my face. I tried soo hard and stayed up several nights thinking of how I could get her back into my life one way or another and now that I finally succeeded, I forgot how hard I tried. I practically belittled her and now she's immersed in an act that was practically killing me slowly. Being all submissive and distant, obviously putting up an act. When she said she was only here for the money, I felt my heart tighten in my chest but I deserved it for the way I disrespected her. Although I knew those were just words, because she did tell me why she was here and in her words it was 'anything to be closer to you'

When I hugged her tightly on the barstool and she didn't hug me back, I was relieved for a while until I begun to crave her touch. Praying she would dare to touch me, to feel her soft hands on my body without me having to tell her to do it and give away the fact that I love her touch. Ever since that night I f****d up and let her touch me, I crave it and that alone is a warning, a damn red flag but my heart has a way of disrespecting me. Everything after that night lead to me making up my mind about letting her go and immediately she stepped out my door I wanted to chase her, which was more reason to push her further away.

"What exactly did you do?" Nany's voice snapped me back into reality. It wasn't going to be awkward telling her, I tell her every f*****g thing except for the fact that I'm a dominant and I bondage f**k the woman I make sign my contracts.

"So my hands were on her thighs, and I have no idea what it was but I just felt a strong need for her, you know what I mean, no scratch that! It's not what you think. It was an alien feeling- can't explain it" I said the last words quickly and she gave me a knowing smile that made me sigh.

"I begun to caress her and she sat there, her eyes screwed shut and lips parted. She just looked... she looked, ugh I don't know" I ran my fingers over my face yet again as Nany stared at me patiently. I took a deep breath.

"She looked like everything and it scared me Nany. I actually felt disgusted at the thoughts I was having and suddenly felt hatred towards her, like a wave" she shook her head, already dreading where it was heading as I stretched out my hands to show just how big the wave was. This isn't me, I feel silly.

"So I went off on her, I told her to f*****g sit like a lady, a lady, Nany. Which indicated I thought she wasn't and I didn't stop there, I made her call me sir, I f*****g made her call me sir. f**k the word even leaves a sour taste in my mouth. She was hurt, I could tell and what killed me more was that I could tell she wish she didn't sign the damn contract." I rambled on like a lost and confused puppy but most of all, I felt extremely stupid.

"Stop fighting it Zayn" she said softly, staring at me almost broken-heartedly.

"Stop fighting what?" I asked with furrow brows, genuinely confused as to what she meant. Based on everything I told her and that's all she had to say? I needed more than that.

"You like her, like really really like her" she concluded, her eyes glued on me and I scoffed. Just what I f*****g needed, it caused me to almost choke on my saliva. There was no f*****g way I liked her romantically. I mean s*x with her is great, amazing even and everyone knows what s*x can do to a man. I just crave her sexually and nothing more. She can never be more than a sub to me, the ghost of her would never allow it.

"I don't and you know it Nany" I cried out frustratedly, hating the fact that she was trying to put things into my head.

"I know nothing. How do I explain the fact that you kept me up all night raging on about how you saw her with Nicholas and wanted to kill him and that made you realize you still wanted her? Get your s**t together Zayn. Even a blind man could see it. You didn't stop until you got her here today, you've never been this fascinated over a woman ever since..." she trailed of due to the hard glare I was sending her way. She sighed, throwing her hands up in surrender.

"Just don't f**k it up Zayn, be careful but most of all thoughtful, not just with your mind but your heart also" she said as she stood to her feet and made her way towards the door.

Just as she was about to slip out she stopped and turned around. "I like her, I never got to meet the others but I can tell she's different. It wouldn't hurt having her around" with that she walked out leaving me to drown in her words. Do I like Muna? I mean, I do feel a strong s****l attraction towards her but I would never call it like. I like her as a person if that clarifies anything but definitely not romantically. Wanting to be buried deep inside of her 24/7 doesn't qualify as anything beyond s*x, more like a s****l obsession I have with her. And understandably, it's normal to at least like the person you f**k.

I groaned and stood to my feet as they carried me to the room I told Nany to give her. On my way there, my phone rang several times and they were calls from Lilja, it was almost like they never stopped. She kept calling every f*****g day to beg me to take her back and it was beginning to get on my damn nerves.

I was about to knock when I heard her speak.

"I told you I can't come back to work Nick, yes... uhhh he's been calling but I always miss his calls and forget to call back but honestly I don't really want to speak to him" she laughed at something he said and my heart tightened. What the f**k? She was seated in my house, knowing I'm a few doors away and talking to Nicholas right under my nose? That made me soo f*****g angry.

"No, don't! I'm not home, don't bother stopping by" she said and paused. I wish I could hear what he was telling her. I f*****g spoke to him and told him I was dating her and that we were just on a break and he was still calling her? Un-f*****g-believable.

"I... I miss you too... no, I really do. I haven't laughed in ages and was almost tempted into coming to see you" she giggled. I couldn't take it anymore, I banged on her door furiously. She wasn't talking anymore.

"I have to go, call you later... bye" she said and shortly after I heard her voice. "Cominggg" she flung the door open only to reveal her slender body dressed in one of the many pajamas I had bought for Lilja. She looked extremely sexy except for the fact that I was more angry than aroused.

"Hey" she greeted but I couldn't control my anger.

"Who the f**k were you talking to?" I asked as though I had no idea, wanting to see if she'd tell me the truth. Before I never really cared about who she talked to, I barely cared if my subs had secret boyfriends even though I state in the contract that they couldn't but with Muna, just the thought of her talking to any other man kills me and much less Nicholas. Why does it always have to be him?

Fear took over her face probably because of the deadly glare that was on mine, I was f*****g furious and enraged, practically seeing red. She licked her bottom lip and lied to my f*****g face.

"Cheryl" she said. She f*****g lied, she lied through her damn teeth and all I did was scoff. I chuckled bitterly, shaking my head as I walked pass her into her room. Normally I would punish her for lying and misbehaving but all I felt was betrayal.

"Don't f*****g lie to me" I warned, giving her a chance to come clean. I hate liars. She was a liar, she lied her way into my heart and tore me into shreds. Lies can break a man, can change everything, a simple lie.

"It... was C..heryl" she stuttered which caused me to chuckle angrily.

"Get on your knees" I growled, my back facing her but I heard her gasp. My wrath got the best of me, I wanted to punish her, to make her feel exactly how I was feeling, like trash, and I could tell I was achieving that.

I turned to find her still standing, glaring at me, a warning that I was taking things too far but I was beyond angry.

"Get on your f*****g knees Muna!" I shouted and she immediately obliged. Shaking her head unbelievably in what seemed like a bitter laugh. Tears were set in her eyes but I could tell she was trying so hard not to let them fall, she was trying to save her dignity, her glare turned soft as she watched me. Absolutely no trace of anger like I had seen earlier. She was expressionless.

Somehow I still couldn't stop myself.

"Who were you talking to?" I asked one last time, internally praying for an honest answer because I'm known for letting my anger get the best of me and losing control. This time she sighed and looked me directly in the eyes.

"Nicholas" she said . "It was Nicholas" this angered me more even though I somehow thought her answering truthfully would make things better, it didn't. She said it like she was hoping to get back at me, like she was hoping to gain victory by seeing me come undone. Call me insensitive but women are smart, in a cruel way sometimes.

"You're not supposed to see or talk to Nicholas, it's included in the f*****g contract that you didn't bother to take your damn time to read" I shouted down at her and I saw her flinching.

"Okay Sir, I wouldn't" her voice shook and I couldn't stomach the thought that it was over not being able to talk to Nicholas. Was it?

"Don't ever lie to me again! You know how much I hate lies, next time I will punish hell out of you" with that I barged pass her and slammed the door behind me. However, I didn't walk away, I couldn't. I heard her sob and I almost felt bad but I was too angry to feel anything apart from anger. As I walked away I saw Nany stepping out of her room, attempting to ask me what had happened but I didn't stop, I ignored her and walked away, something I've never ever done to her before.

Strangely, somehow, when I saw her at the coffee shop for the first time ever, I knew she'd be trouble and that I should stay away but I didn't. I thought with my f*****g d**k and now here I am, seated at the edge of my bed as I drowned in anger. She makes me soo angry it hurts and I wonder why I'm not dead from anger already.

She misses him and was f*****g thinking of going to see him so he could make her laugh? What a f*****g joke. Whiles I was sat in my study, unfocused and thinking of ways I could make it up to her for my rudeness earlier, she was in her room flirting with one of my best friends. I almost hate Nicholas all over again. I groaned, standing to my feet and literally tearing my t-shirt off my skin, making my way to the bathroom.

I took a quick shower to clear my thoughts but it didn't help much. Of all people, why did fate have to put her in the path of Nicholas? I wore my boxers and laid in bed. It felt like forever as I kept thinking about my actions. They were a bit extreme, the way I treated her. I shouldn't have and now that I've calmed down my anger got replaced with fear. What if she decides to call things off with me? It's barely been twenty-four hours and I've already started treating her like a property. As much as I want to touch her and feel her skin now, I wouldn't. When she told me she felt like a prostitute that night, it made me lose it. Maybe, just maybe, I gave her a reason to feel that way and the last thing I want is to have her thinking it's just all about s*x for me. But isn't it? Shouldn't it be all about s*x with her?

I picked up the landline to call her, my fingers ghosted over the numbers but I couldn't bring myself to press on them. She probably detests me right now. I have a feeling Nicholas makes her happier than I've ever made her and it sickened me. She would choose him, if it ever came down to it, I know she would pick him over me.

"Ughhh" I groaned and smashed the landline to the floor angrily. I really f****d up this time. I was already making her drown in misery, how f*****g stupid of you Zayn.

Sleep took over me as I laid there drowning in regret. I couldn't be happier.

I didn't know how I was going to face her today. It look a lot of self convincing to even get out of my room. I decided not to go to the office today so I called up my secretary and made her cancel all appointments.

Nany had stepped out to go hang out with some friends and bring back groceries so all I did was sit on the barstool in the kitchen, doing absolutely nothing. I heard footsteps and immediately sat up straight, dreading the moment her eyes would fall on me. I could only imagine the resentment that would be hidden behind her blank gaze.

She walked in still in the pajamas she was wearing last night, exposing all the hickies I had left on her neck in the kitchen yesterday. All we did was look at each other for a while as she walked in further, my eyes glued to her every step.

"Good morning" she said, plastering a forced smile to her face even though I could easily tell she'd been crying.

"Good morning" I replied, my throat terribly dry. She turned away from me and reached for a glass, causing her attire to lift up. I had to quickly glance away, the mission wasn't to f**k her, but more like wanting to talk, to apologize.

She poured herself some water and drank silently, never once glancing my way. I sighed subtly.

"Muna" I called and she visibly stiffened.

"Sir?" There we f*****g go again with this sir thing. I wanted the ground to open up for me to bury the word itself. The word that was once my priority has turned into a word I detest coming from her lips.

"About last night I-" I began to speak but she quickly cut me off.

"- I'm soo sorry. I had no idea it was included in the contract. I shouldn't have lied but I was just so-" she paused as though her choice of words weren't well- picked. "No that's not even an excuse. I was wrong. I apologize for everything" she breathed out hastily. What the f**k? I stared at her with furrowed brows, hating myself even more seeing her rambling like a scared child. Is she scared of me? Do I frighten her?

Oh f**k.

"I should be the one apologizing Muna" I said.

She bit her bottom lip nervously, diverting her gaze from mine.

"You don't have to, if anything, I provoked you Sir" she said and this time I literally became speechless. She was justifying my actions and I hated it. I was such a d**k to her, I let the past catch up to me and took out my frustration on her, she didn't deserve that even if she was talking to Nicholas.

"Please stop calling me sir" I begged, unable to hide how frustrated I was. I wasn't sure she heard me until I looked back up and saw her walking closer to me. Without a word, she sat before me, looking intently at me.

For seconds she didnt speak, she just took in my half naked body.

"This isn't going to work Zayn" she finally spoke and my head snapped up. I furrowed my brows as my heartbeat increased rapidly.

"If we don't stop this, we might end up hating each other, I know I might."