Colliding heart 2

10

I though that as the time will pass everything will get back to normal but instead it got worse Austin started getting irritated with little things I looks as if he has lost all his patience , there was one more strange thing about his behaviour , whenever he receives a call he would get up and talk alone in a corner although it’s fine to have some privacy but he acted strange every time his phone rang . One day at night at around 12:30 , I was sleeping when I suddenly felt thirsty so I took the bottle from the side of my bed but it was also empty , so unwillingly I got up from bed and went out of the room , as soon I stepped out I could hear Austin’s voice he was speaking to someone loudly . I went to the backyard to check on him ,  I could see from the distance that he was talking on phone , he was shouting and saying something like “ I know what I am doing “ , “ why are you always disturbing me by calling me again and again “ , “ just leave me alone “ , “ you are no one to tell me what I should do “ then he hung up the phone , I hurriedly went back to the kitchen without making any sound I didn’t want him to know that I was listening while he was talking on his phone . He came inside and looked at me was quite shocked 

“ what are you doing here ? why aren’t you asleep yet ? “ he asked me calmly , 

“ I was feeling thirsty but I was out of water so I came outside to fill my bottle “ I said 

“ oh I see “

“ and what about you ? why are you not asleep yet ? “ 

“ oh I couldn’t fall asleep so I went to the backyard to have some fresh air “

“ oh okay then I will go back to my room , goodnight “

“ goodnight “

I came to my room hurriedly and shut the door Austin was definitely lying , he has never done that before what could be so secretive that he couldn’t tell me about about it ? and what was he so angry about ? there is definitely something that is bothering him but he is not telling me about it , well there were many questions and no answers I better forget about it for now and go to sleep , I trust Austin if it were something important he would have told me .

For the next few days Austin was treating me normally but now we were not so close , my confession did changed many things I should have considered this beforehand , but he was not ignoring me and was also taking care of me , which was confusing me . So from his behaviour the only conclusion I could come up is that he still likes me but maybe he still hasn’t gotten over his past and is therefore uncomfortable and hesitating to accept me . In the past , he was the one who always made the first move so as said before , this time I want to approach him first . So the next time when we went to buy groceries , I held his hand 

“ is something wrong ? “ he asked 

“ no why ? “ I said swinging our hands and hoping

“ well then why are we holding hands ? “ he said with hesitation 

“ because … I wanted to . Simple , why is there something wrong with us holding hands “

“ no , it’s fine “ he said smiling at me 

We were holding hands for the entire time , we definitely looked like a couple . After such a long time things started to feel normal , as they were before . We again started watching movies til late night together , sometimes I would put my head on his shoulder and he didn’t looked uncomfortable , we started playing basketball again , we took Cooper to the park together . One day as usual we watching a movie at night , Cooper was asleep , it was quite cold so we both were sitting on the couch , wrapped together in one blanket I was looking at Austin what is this man going through I was thinking , then I called him 

“ Austin ? “

“ yes “ he turned towards me 

“ is everything alright with you ? you don’t look fine and sometimes you are totally lost “ I said , we were facing ach other and were quite close 

“ yes everything is fine , you don’t have to worry about me “ he said smiling at me 

“ I know that it’s not and it’s absolutely ok if you don’t want to tell me , I understand and respect your decision . I just want to tell you that you are not alone , if you ever need someone I will be there for you always “ I said looking into his eyes

He didn’t said anything we were looking into each other’s eyes and slowly he tilted his head toward mine , the distance between us decreased I raised a little and soon my lips were against his , I closed my eyes and that moment it seems as if time stopped , my heart pounded in the chest , i curled my toes , I could only focus on how soft he felt . Soon Austin started to open up as his fingers curled around mine , he had his another hand on my neck . I put my arms around him and got lost in the moment , it felt amazing it felt as if we have been away from each other for a long time we both were deeply into each other . The a loud screaming voices came from the television , we were watching a horror movie so it was obvious that scream suddenly brought us back to our senses , we backed a little and were looking into each other’s eyes , now I didn’t know what to do next so I immediately got up from the bed and started looking here and there as if I was finding something 

“ well , I think we should go to sleep it’s quite late “ I said uneasily still moving about 

“ yes I also think the same . Anyway it’s quite hot here no I mean it’s getting cold , well whatever it is I am going to sleep , goodnight “ she said and ran into his room 

I also moved as quickly as I could and went to my room , I was moving to and fro in my room , it was such a awkward moment for the both of us and the way we reacted was much more embarrassing , my heart beat was still fast I sat down and tried to calm myself . then after I had calmed down completely , I did some thinking that kiss made me realized that maybe I was myself not ready yet for a relationship now , so many things have happened lately I need more time to settle down and see things clearly so lets take it slowly and go with the flow .

It was a fine sunny day , I and Cooper were on our way to the park , Austin couldn’t come with us because he had an urgent call to attend . When we reached there we were told that Cooper’s best friend won’t be coming today because his owner was out of station for few days , although Cooper had other friends to play with too but it was clear that he missed his best friend , he was lethargic and looked demotivated he played for a while then came back to me I knew that he wanted to go back so I took him back home . We entered the house , Cooper went directly to his room and I was trying to find Austin he was not inside the house probably he was at the backyard , I went there Austin was standing facing his back towards me and he was smoking I was shocked

“ Austin ? “ I said

He turned back and was obviously not happy to see me , he threw the cigarette out of his hands “ Carol why are you back so early ? “ he said fumbling a little 

“ what were you doing ? “ I couldn’t believe what I just saw Austin and I both were never in favour of smoking

“ oh it’s nothing “ he said looking down

“ nothing ? Austin you and I have always been against smoking , right ? when did you start smoking at the first place ? “

“ time teaches to many things Carol and you do things that you know are wrong “

“ no one is forcing you to do so , if something is wrong you can quite it anytime you want , so stop making excuses . It’s ok it’s never too late from today we will try to help you quite smoking , ok ? “

“ it’s not as easy as it sounds it’s an addiction and anyways what’s the big deal about smoking ? many people do it “ he said 

“ if many people are doing it that doesn’t mean it’s not wrong , I don’t care about anyone else I care about you . You know it’s not good for health “ I said and left . I was too angry to say anything else to him . For the next few days I lectured him and forced him to stop smoking , he would listen to me silently and agree with everything I say but I knew that he still smoked behind my back . I tried to hide his packet of cigarette but then he would buy another I even bought nicotine gums but those also proved to be of no use Austin was completely addicted to it but still I would not give up I will try everything to make him quite it . One day Austin and Cooper were playing in the garden it hasn’t been 5 mins and Austin was already tired he sat down on the ground and started breathing heavily he was looking pathetic , I went up to him and started rubbing his back 

“ are you ok Austin ? “ I asked 

“ yes I am fine I just don’t understand nowadays I have been having a little problem breathing and I start panting after a little physical work “ he said with great efforts 

what ? you were having breathing problems before too ?  why didn’t you tell me before ? “

“ I am fine there is nothing to worry about “

“ no ! you are coming with me to the hospital , what if it’s something serious “

He kept denying but I still took him to the hospital , he had some tests there and then after sometime the doctor called us in 

“ so you are the patient and name is Austin right ? “

“ yes doctor , he is having difficulty while breathing “ I said 

“ I see , you smoke right ? “ he asked , Austin wasn’t saying anything so I replied on his behalf

“ yes sir he does “ 

“ your smoking is the reason of your illness your lungs are affected very badly , if you continue with your habit you will have severe chronic bronchitis so try to quite smoking as soon as possible “ he said and prescribed some medicines and inhalers in case he is short of breath again .

We went  home , I was so angry that I was neither talking to him or looking at him I directly went into my room and shut the door behind me , I don’t know why but I suddenly realized that I was scared I was scared of loosing him so I decided that I will help him quite no matter what I calmed down my anger and went out “ do you still want to continue with your smoking habits or are you willing to give up ? “ I asked him straight away he was a bit startled but replied “ I want to and I have been trying to but it’s not easy “ , “ well nothing is easy but that doesn’t mean that you can quite and if you have tried it before then try harder now “ I said .

From the next day I made a schedule for Austin and I followed it with him everyday to support him . Exercise has been proven an effective way to quite smoking it keeps you motivated and busy so we started the morning walk at 6:30 , next we have to exclude meat from our diet and include more of things like cheese , vegetables and fruits because meat is found to make cigarette more satisfying , we also had to avoid frizzy drinks , alcohol , cola , tea and coffee so now we were left with just water and juices . I stayed with Austin all the time in case he wants to smoke again I should be there to prevent him from doing so , we also did exercise in the evening when Cooper played in the park . It was difficult in the starting but he was making good progress I got some gum , tablets , nasal spray and inhalators which helped a lot . Austin was eventually getting better but I still thought that something was missing , I wanted to motivate him but couldn’t find a way to do it . One day I was going through my social media when something caught my eyes , a basketball competition was going to be held in our city next week , this was a perfect opportunity to motivate Austin although we played basketball everyday but a professional match will have a greater impact on him , so without giving it a second though I bought 2 tickets I didn’t tell Austin about it , it was surprise for him . I stayed awake at night till Austin doesn’t sleep to ensure that he doesn’t smoke when I am asleep , I also woke up before him ( although it was tiring but it will be all worth it if Austin could quite smoking ) .

The next week I asked Austin to get dressed but didn’t tell him where we were going , we got into the car and I was driving 

“ could you please tell me now what is it ? “ he asked 

“ you will know when we get there . It’s a surprise “ I said 

“ you are really unbreakable “ he sighs

I drove for half an hour and then finally we in front of the stadium , I could see that he was surprised I know he loves basketball . I parked the car in the parking area and we came out 

“ are we here to see a match ? “ he asked with excitement 

“ of course we are , here I have two tickets “ I said taking out the tickets from my pocket 

“ this was totally unexpected , I don’t know what to say “

“ you don’t have to say anything , let’s go inside the match is about to start “ I said

We both went inside and took our seats , the stadium was full there was no space left there it was packed with people of all ages there were children , there were teenagers , there were adults , there were old people but what I liked the most there that everyone was enthusiastic , they were full of life they were smiling and cheering . Soon the match started and with every ball that went into the basket the people were shouting and the stadium filled up with sounds of people cheering their respective teams . Eventually Austin also opened up he was cheerful , he was enthusiastic and I haven’t seen him this happy after we came back from that trip , the match carried on we enjoyed it to our fullest now it was about time and the team we were supporting had the ball and then the ball went into the basket . All of us stood from our seats and were yelling and cheering when Austin suddenly pulled me towards him and hugged me tightly “ Carol we won ! we won Carol “ he said still hugging me “ yes Austin we did “ I said hugging him back we stayed like that for a moment and then we came out of the stadium .

“ so did you enjoyed it ? “ I asked 

“ are you kidding me , it was amazing “ he said with excitement

“ I am glad you liked it “ I said 

We went back home and directly went to bed but I had something in mind and I couldn’t fall asleep . Austin’s actions were confusing me , he cared for me , he understands me and we get along quite well but still he was reluctant when I confessed to him . I am confident that I still love him but this time I won’t make any confession , I have already tried everything I initiated everything and yet he is still not acknowledging my feelings from now on I won’t be taking initiatives it is quite clear that he still have feelings for me so why can’t he confess , thinking about all of these I fell asleep .

For the next few days , everything was normal between us and I restrained myself I also have some self respect why should I have to look like a clingy person whose efforts aren’t being reciprocated , but every time I see him , something gets over me I want to spend more time with him . I controlled myself for some days and I ran away whenever we got a little close so one day Austin came to me and said , 

“ Carol is something wrong ? are you angry with me ? “ 

“ no I am not , why ? “ I said looking away

“ it is quite clear that you are avoiding me , see now also you are not even looking at me “

“ you are overthinking , nothing is wrong . why should I look at you ? “ I said and left