THE WIND OF FATE

strawberries and cigarettes

"Open your mouth for me baby, "Phil's heart quickened. Was it all a dream or is he trying to cover up for his affair but was he cheating on him with the girl or was he cheating on the girl with his marriage. The question had been eating him up ever since he realised that the girl was there before him but those marriage hold more importance? How did the girl take the news? "babe...."Josh brought him out of his thoughts. He slightly opened it to give him access. He felt Josh's tongue f**k his mouth, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the bliss of the love he felt for the man he barely knew. Was it wrong to fall inlove in an arranged marriage?would he regret it? When Josh started sucking his lips he moaned and pulled him closer.

A bell ring from down stairs interrupted them, when they ignored it a knock followed. Another one followed until they got up and Phil put on his gown to see who it was at the time of the night. "coming!gosh..."he heard Joshua say on his way down. When the door opened they saw a female figure standing and Phil couldn't help but know it was the affair.

Mareddeth: "really!these is why you broke up with me?" she asked in-between sobs. Looking at the man in a white gown. "You were never gay Josh, is it your father? talk to me love let's work this out " she prayed approaching Joshua.

Joshua: "What are you doing here?"he asked her as his anger began to surface.

Mareddeth: "shame on you!"she screamed holding tightly to her chest as if it was about to explode, looking at the blue eyed man who stole everything away from her in a flash.

He could only look from Joshua to the woman with messed up hair and red swollen eyes. Was it his fault, the woman was hurting he noticed that but he had no idea she existed until hours ago. Phil dropped his eyes to look at the floor wondering if he became a home wrecker just because of a business deal.His life was summed up in the most embarrassing way, could he let him go after being with him for some minutes upstairs, he was beginning to plan his future with him. Joshua was a heartstopper, he was tall and muscular. His broad shoulders made him intimidating and his model face was breath taking. Falling inlove with him wasn't hard, Philip realised. Not to mention his amber eyes that burned with fire in his stare but nevertheless Philip felt insecure. The woman was beautiful too, her curves were visible on the trouser she was wearing. He can't compete with a woman, he'd loose.

strawberries and cigarettes, that's what his lips tasted like. It was intoxicating. He thought of how he ordered him around, he liked being submissive to the guy. Lord, this is gonna take me down, he thought with an aching heart. The woman scream took him out of his thoughts only to see Joshua pulling her towards the gate.

Mareddeth: "No!" she screamed, "you home wrecker, you f***t. I will be back for you, shame on you trying to make a straight men a f**ken f***t like you." "How do you sleep at night knowing you are with another person's boyfriend?" The neighbours were already lighting their houses and standing outside to watch the drama. "God will punish you!" were the last words he heard and the door shut closed.

Philip crumbled to the floor, his legs could not hold him anymore. He felt sick and dirty. The woman's words burned in his mind and he cringed at the thought of being a home wrecker.He couldn't stop the tears streaming down his cheeks. He cried. And cried. until he was fighting to grasp his breath but the guilt did not subside. Strawberries and cigarettes is what he is paying for, how does he even begin to rewind time to when he wasn't married to strawberries and cigarettes.

This wasn't the worst that had ever happened to him but it was an addition to why he believed he was never blessed with love. He falls inlove too quickly and trust quickly. His nightmares resurfaced quicker than he thought. How many scares has he need to have until people realised it was enough. He is human after all the is only so much he can bear.

He felt a hand touch him but he brushed it off and walked off to lock himself in the room he shared with Joshua. Hugging his knees on the floor he wondered if he could ever step outside again, if the neighbours were going to spread the rumours of his shame. Was there someone who would make it stop, the pain,the guilt and the nightmares that tackled him down. He cried. Seeking comfort in his tears, he had only himself to pity. Dreading being beaten up by a crowd again, only a faint cry escaped from his lips as he threw in the towel and drifted to slumber.

"No! no! please it's enough I've learnt my lesson. " he screamed in his sleep "enough please, somebody tell them to stop. I didn't know he was married," his voice was faint filled with fear and pain as his past continued to devour him."Father please!" was his last struggle against the nightmares. Sweating profusely he woke up and pushed himself to the bathroom shower to cry more under the streaming down water. The incident took place two years ago and he thought he was over it until now. His father had always been inconsiderate towards him, business deal after business deal he was put in uncomfortable places. Probably the repercussions of not having a mother. It was said he killed her during birth, maybe it was the reason behind his father's cruelty to him. He once said he looked more like his mother, he was punished for his girly features all the time but this time he wasn't going to recover. No, he was already drowning.