The Last Of Us

Chapter 4 : Dedication

          I shift back to my human form, only this time with a little less pain endured. I put my clothes back on and walked back to Dani and Jacob who seemed to be having a little bit of fun in the snow. They’re pups after all. Everything shouldn’t always be about survival. Not at their age. I leaned over the porch rail as I watched them play around.

         “Snowball fight!” yells Jacob, and in that instant, I’m sure Dani knew that Jacob was ready. In seconds of the warning the air is thick with snowballs so compacted that several look solid and icy. The ones from the fresh fallen flakes burst open on impact, showering crystalline fragments that glint in the wintry light. Seconds later Dani is behind some near tree, gloved hands in the snow, frantically making a stockpile to retaliate with. From the lull in the action she knew Jacob was doing the same to replenish what he already used.

          An out of breath Dani lets out a tiny giggle as she disappears from the tree. Jacob looks around for her, unable to spot the little body. Seconds go by before, she paces on Jacob sending both of them to the ground. I smile as I walk over to the two giggling in the snow. 

        “Come on, you two. Time to go inside,” I said as I picked up both of them in my arms. As we go inside, I put them down by the fireplace and start to make a fire. The fireplace is our tiny sun for the evening, casting long shadows over the rug. The flames curl and sway, flicking this way and that, crackling as they burn the dry wood. It's so good to feel their warmth at last, even if it is from only one direction. We watch in hypnotized joy, holding our hands out to get just a little more of the gentle heat. Dani and Jacob place their little heads on my thighs. Then they both yawn in perfect sync. As they fall asleep, I remove myself from under their little heads. I go to explore the environment as it seems like we might be here for a little bit. I step outside to catch a breath of fresh air.

        The old cabin had an upstairs that has yet to be explored. They were slapped against the clipboard wallpaper as if they were an afterthought. They fell too close to the entrance and were uncommonly narrow. The rail was simply a plank of wood supported by three mean spindles. It looked for all the world that it would come crashing down with even the weight of a child, yet it must have been here maybe thirty years. It was hard to tell the original colour of the wood, likely it was once a light brown but now it was closer to a rusty, muddy slate. 

        Upstairs wasn’t any more exciting than downstairs. It was just as damaged. Maybe more. I danced up the mud rusted stairs and explored the unknown. To my left was a small room, debris covered the floor boards, the wallpaper peeled off the walls. Nothing special about this place as it was now, but it could imagine the livelihood it once housed. The children running around the house. The sky blue walls. The light brown wooden floor. Nights by the fireplace. A once perfect home to ruin. I creeped into one of the rooms, it looked like someone's study. Somehow in somewhat perfect condition, laid a book on the floor near a broken shelf opened to a page entitled “Dedication” and it read:

There is no such thing as love anymore, 

the kind that is so strong, 

that you can feel it in your bones. 

You know that we used to feel that emotion 

when we looked into the faces of our mothers,

fathers, sisters, brothers, family and friends. 

There is no such thing as love anymore. 

at least not the deep satisfying kind

that shits on your heart and influences every 

decision and action we take throughout each day. 

There is no reason to celebrate anymore.

Just empty actions and empty reactions, 

calculated gestures and financial arrangements.

There is no such thing as love anymore . . . 

And in this moment the one thing I could think of was my love for my family. The strong desire to keep them safe.., at least the ones who are still left of it. But was it love I was feeling? Or was it a fabrication? Was it a fragmented sense of loyalty? Or did I truly understand love only after losing the ones who loved me? Everything changed in a split second. In this world, nothing is more important than family and power. Keeping your family safe is one thing for a pack. But having the most power is another thing. It's like a balance. If you lose power, you risk losing that protection the power held over your family, leaving them vulnerable. If one collapses then all balance is destroyed. So why did my pack fall? What happened? There was a puzzle piece that was still missing but, sure enough I was bound to find out sooner or later.