CHAPTER 3

905 Words
I remember thinking about my shoes. That sounds strange, I know. But that’s what my mind was . The sole was peeling slightly at the heel, and I made a note to myself that I would need to glue it before my next shift. I was tired in the way that sinks into your bones , the kind of tired that makes your thoughts slow and your body feel heavier than it should . The street was quieter than usual. Not empty. Just hollow. Like the city stopped breathing for a while I wrapped my coat tighter around myself and walked faster. My second job had ended late, and I hated being out at that hour. My father always worried, even when he pretended he didn’t . I could already picture him sitting in the dark, waiting for the me to open the door. Just a few more blocks, I whispered to myself. Then I heard them. Laughter. At first I didn’t turn around. I didn’t want to give it meaning . Men laughed. People drank. This was New York. I had learned to keep my head down and mined my business. But the laughter got louder. Closer. Something in my tightened, a warning I had learned to listen to but often ignored because fear was inconvenient . I tried to ignore it again. I shouldn’t have. “Hey.” I kept walking. “Hey, wait.” My heart started pounding so hard I could feel it in my throat. My steps quickened.I could hear more than one set of footsteps now . Uneven. Sloppy . Drunk. I told myself not to panic. Then someone grabbed my arm. Not gently. Not accidentally. My body reacted before my mind did. I jerked away and turned around , my breath coming sharp and uneven “Don’t touch me,” I said. My voice didn’t sound like my own. It sounded thin. Small They laughed. That was the moment I knew something was wrong, not just wrong , but dangerous. There was something about the way they looked at me. Like my fear entertained them. Like it made me less human in their eyes. I tried to step past them. A hand blocked me. ‘Relax,” one of them said. “We’re just talking.” “I don’t want to talk,” I said. “Please.” Please. I hated that word as it left my mouth. Someone shoved me. My back hit the wall behind me hard enough to knock the breath out of my lungs. For a second , everything went white. My ears rang. I tasted something metallic. ‘No,” I said. “No,no,no , please.” My hands were shaking so badly I couldn’t control them . I tried to push , to hit to move, but there were too many of them. Arms everywhere . Too close . No space to breathe. Then he stepped forward. I didn’t know his name. I didn’t know who he was, never seen his face before but the look in his eyes was cold , amused , decided. I remember thinking, this cant be happening to me. I remember thinking about my father. I remember thinking about unfair it was. When he forced himself on me, something inside me broke, not loudly,not dramatically. Quietly, like a thread snapping. I screamed at first. Or maybe I thought I screamed. I don’t know. The sound felt far away , like it belonged to someone else. I begged . I cried. I said no over and over until the world lost its meaning. And then my mind left. That’s the only way I can explain it. I was there , but I wasn’t there . I stared at the wall beside me and focused on a c***k running through he paint . I counted my breaths . I counted the seconds as he thrust in and out of me. I told myself to survive. Just survive. My body felt heavy. Not mine. Like it had turned into something I no longer controlled. I felt pain. I felt humiliation . I felt myself didsappering. I remember the laughter more than anything else. When it finally stopped , I didn’t understand right away. Then was sudden emptiness. Space where bodies had been . Cold rushing in back. Their footsteps fading. Someone said something I don’t remember what I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the ground. I couldn’t move. I stared at my hands. They wee shaking , but they didn’t feel feel connected to me.My clothes were torn. My skin burned. I felt exposed in a way that had something to do with my body. I wanted to disappear. Eventually, I stood up. I don’t remember deciding to. I just did. The walk home felt unreal, like I was moving through water. Cars passed. People laughed in the distance. They city living . completely unaware that something inside me had died. When I reached our apartment door, my legs finally out. My father opened door. The look on his face, broke me. I collapsed into his arms, and everything I had been holding back spilled out. The fear. The shame. The pain . The words I didn’t want to say. And as he held , shaking and bleeding and broken , I knew one thing with terrifying clarity My life would never be the same again.
Free reading for new users
Scan code to download app
Facebookexpand_more
  • author-avatar
    Writer
  • chap_listContents
  • likeADD