F*ck!
1147 Words
"Well, don't be. I'm not a little girl," Lari shot back.
"You seemed pretty little while you were curled up in my bed," his reply came through instantly, like he’d been waiting for her response.
Of course. He probably thinks that’s clever. And somehow, a small part of me cares that he does.
She stared at the screen. She could reply. Or she could throw the phone across the room and pretend it didn’t exist. Neither option felt particularly satisfying.
So, u hanging with Blondie all summer?
Typical. She should ignore him. But ignoring him felt like admitting she wanted to care.
"Nah. Next week she’s going on vacation. I’ll have to go home."
Back to nothing. Just me and the same quiet that always follows.
You should stay at my place then. I know you won’t come to my next party without her otherwise.
He says it like it’s an offer. It feels more like a challenge.
"Mm, well, I’d rather watch paint dry than go to another party anytime soon anyway. Thanks tho."
She smirked, a small twitch at the corner of her lips. Funny how loneliness can pretend to be confidence if you type it fast enough.
"Who you talking to?" Josh noticed her smile.
"Ah, just some i***t," she mumbled, cheeks warming.
"Be careful, those idiots often end up ruining your life. I’ve heard Millie complain about it enough," he teased as he headed to the kitchen.
I’ll add that to my list of things to worry about while trying not to die of boredom.
Lari rolled her eyes and headed back to Millie’s bedroom. She flopped onto the bed and opened i********: again, finding another message from Ezra.
lmk if you change ur mind then ;)
I won’t. I’ll stay here. Anywhere but home. Anywhere but…
She pulled a book from her duffel bag, pretending to read, though her thoughts drifted elsewhere.
At one in the morning, Millie tumbled into the bedroom, collapsing onto her bed with a soft sigh.
"So, how was it?" Lari asked, trying to keep her voice casual.
"It was amazing," Millie whispered, lying beside her, both staring at the ceiling.
"Amazing?" Lari raised an eyebrow. Millie usually gave more detail than that. She turned to see her friend’s ruffled blonde hair and smudged makeup. She wasn’t wearing the shirt she’d left with; instead, she had a men’s sports jersey on.
"Millie!" Lari gasped, realisation hitting.
"What?" Millie bit her lip. She knew Lari could read her like an open book.
"You did it," Lari said softly.
"Yeah," Millie grinned, almost glowing.
They turned to face each other.
"You have to tell me everything," Lari said, eyes wide, clasping Millie’s hands.
"After the movies, we went to his place—he lives alone—and he made me dessert."
"What did he make?"
"Brownies and ice cream. While we were eating, he put some ice cream on my face so I had to lick it off."
"No!" Lari giggled.
"Yes. And he’s such a good kisser, I didn’t want to stop. He got excited and accidentally ripped my top."
"Ooo, spicy," Lari teased, though her laugh was soft.
"He carried me to the bedroom and kissed me the whole way there."
"And then?"
"Well, he touched me first. It was… incredible. No one has ever made me feel that way before."
I’ll never know that. Not yet. Maybe never. Lari’s chest tightened.
"Did he make you come?" she asked quietly.
"So many times," Millie said, smiling at the memory.
"Then, when I thought nothing could get better, he pulled out a condom."
"He didn’t ask?" Lari’s stomach twisted.
"He did when he saw my reaction. I told him I was a virgin. He said no pressure. I said yes."
"And?"
"It hurt a bit at first, but he already had me so wet… I can’t even explain." Millie looked at her. "One day, you’ll understand."
Yeah. One day. Maybe. Maybe never. I just want… someone to care enough to try.
"It’s not gonna be anytime soon, though," Lari said, the weight of longing pressing down.
"It’ll be sooner than you think, Lari," Millie said with a soft smile.
The week blurred past—poolside laughter, late-night talks about Jacob, cooking together.
When Lari left, Lauren handed her three Tupperware containers filled with cookies, cakes, and savoury pastries.
Her father worked minimal hours. Lari was left to manage alone far too often.
"Thank you for having me," she said, hugging Lauren, then Millie. "Message me every day."
"I will," Millie promised.
Walking up the apartment complex steps, the cold concrete felt harsher than usual. I shouldn’t feel ashamed… but I do. Always.
Even after ten years of friendship, Millie had never stayed the night at her place. Occasionally she visited, but after Millie learned about Lari’s father, the visits stopped. The invitations had become more frequent lately—but still, walking back now felt like stepping into a cage.
"I hate how they think they’re so much better than us," Matt slurred from his couch, beer in one hand.
"They don’t," she said lightly.
"Then why don’t they ever come up? I see them dropping you off, driving away like this place is diseased."
"Dad, I don’t ask them to come up. Politeness goes both ways."
He glared. "So you’re thinking you’re better than me too?"
"Whatever." Lari went to her room, shutting the door and curling under her blanket. Perfect. Safe in my little shell until bedtime. Until tomorrow.
Her phone buzzed: U still rather watch paint dry?
No. I’d rather do anything else but be here. She didn’t reply. She opened her laptop, choosing the first movie Josh had downloaded: Shrek.
By the third film, a knock rattled the front door.
Great. Uncle Ian. Just what I needed.
But the voice that followed wasn’t what she expected. Her father opened the door, muttering, and a young male voice answered. Through the thin walls, she couldn’t tell who it was.
"Alara!" Matt hollered, slamming the door.
Lari jumped up, dread curling in her stomach.
"Yes?"
"You and your little friend Millie been whoring around?"
"What?" Lari froze. Who is even here?
"You’re not going back there! You slut!"
"I haven’t been with anyone!" she protested.
"Tell that to the little douche who showed up and said he knew you from a party last weekend."
Her heart hammered. Ezra? or Silas?
"Get your arse in your room. Now!"
She obeyed, silent tears streaking her face. Safe in here, at least. Safe from him. Safe from the world. But not from the longing that never leaves.
A tapping on her window startled her. She turned to see Ezra clinging to the fire escape ladder.
Of course. Of course it’s him.
Lari slid open the rusty window silently, careful with the hinges.
"What the f**k are you doing here?" she hissed.
- Writer
