first entry

Chapter 1 - Masks

I've witnessed the different types of the faces of fear yesterday, they're quite entertaining I can say.

Today, every single person in my University are wearing facemasks, students that were not wearing one are not allowed to enter the campus. This mask is undeniably irritating, but it gives me comfort, knowing not everyone will easily recognize me "hey, the mask suits you" I heard Jacob behind me trying to catch his breath, "of course, except you." I said rolling my eyes, "except me? the mask doesn't look good on me?" he said with a funny tone, Jacob has been my friend since I started attending high school, he's an outcast when I first met him, Jacob was always picked because of his color. I don't know how we got into this level of "friendship" he even followed me in this University. "No, I mean, I thought no one would recognize me." "No one? are you serious? with your 6'4" height, signature black overall fashion style, you think no one would recognize you, you curly-headed boy." I just smirked at everything he said, not to be mistaken as bromance but we're like brothers, I have no idea if how to cope if he's not with me ever since, he's like the one that has always been saving my a*s from being perceived as antisocial freak. I owe that to him. As we continue to walk through the hallway, the other students are just staring at me while some are murmuring next to each other, but I have no tolerance to everyone's bullshit. I've entered my first period classroom and took a seat, my seatmate, I don't even know his name, stood and took another seat. What's wrong with that i***t? I saw Jacob walking towards my direction and told me something hilariously unbelievable, because it's lame "That's stupid." I replied. Our first period teacher knocked at the door and proceeded to the teacher's desk, "Okay class, before we start, Mr. Villin, Mr. Collins wishes to talk to you, come by his office today before your lunch break." my classmates looked at me but looked away when I looked back at them, except for Jacob, I can see the smile in his eyes, he touched his stomach like he's trying to mimic a laugh, that bastard. While our teacher is discussing our lesson, I found myself zoning out on every seconds possible, what my mom said before moving here in Ohio has been hunting me, she said "when me and my then boyfriend started living together, at first, everything's great, he's responsible, he never gave me a hard time, and never failed to make me laugh, to keep me happy, then we decided to get married and start a family. We've successfully conceived a child, but unfortunately I had a miscarriage, which made him a bit depressed. We tried and tried for how many times I can remember, but it didn't worked out. We finally consulted a physician, and we learned that I'm bail, that I will never have a chance of having my own baby for the rest of my life. Everything has changed after that, he went from a very loving husband to a cold stranger, and oftentimes going home late or even drunk. I've come to the point where I joked about me and him having the privilege of not using any protection or pills, but it didn't pleased him. So I decided to inquire to an orphanage and arranged some paperworks for processing an adoption, that's when I found you, you are a really well-behaved kid, so I thought maybe he will like you, but as soon as I've shown him the papers, he left me with an annulment papers. I've tried convincing him but he's already determined to continue the annulment process. So, I had no choice but to sign the papers, I've still adopted you because I've felt really lonely at those times, so I'm sorry that I've been selfish and didn't even thought that I would just pull you in this situation with me. I've tried my best doing what every good mom should have done, but maybe my best wasn't enough. You distracted me from my depression while raising you, but now I am once again in great distress because I'm witnessing how bad of a mother I am, I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry, James." why would she have to be overly emotional about those facts? All I can see was self-pity. She should not have chosen me then, because I honestly think that I will turn out like I am now no matter which family I've grew up on. I'm not letting anything or anyone influence me the way I express myself to my environment. Nevermind, she's just depressed. And it's actually a good thing that she decided to move into another state, I wouldn't have to deal with bad reputation, and I wasn't accepted to any Universities there because of my bad record.

I'm heading to my last period for the first half of the day, history, a very boring history class. Like my first classes, I've spent the whole class zoning out. After my history class, I made my way to Mr. Collins , Jacob came running at me and gave me a light punch on my left arm "good luck, bro, I'll be waiting for you at the cafeteria" then left. I'm now in front of the principal's office, as I was about to enter the room, a guy covered with bruises on his face burst out from the door, the sight was so funny I can't contain my laughter, good thing I have a mask on, I got into the room and a girl bumped on my right arm, it felt like she did it on purpose, I looked back but she's already left the room. Mr. Collins saw me then invited me to take a seat, he started talking about the incident yesterday, he said "Mr. Villin, a rumour has been spreading about you, they said that you were the one held responsible for causing fear in this campus, the prank is unacceptable, and I'm hoping that you're aware of the consequences of those kind of action. We're all thankful that it was just a smoking grenade and not a real hazardous gas. That's a sick joke, and it's not funny at all," he stopped and looked at me, seems like he's waiting for my defense but I just stared at him and kept my mouth shut, "I'm afraid that I would have to invite your mom over, since you can't engage in a proper conversation with me." "keep the face masks, or make it gas mask. I didn't cause that lame joke." with that being said, I stood up, but before leaving the room I said "Don't call my mom, she's been dealing with too much s**t, she wouldn't be able to handle one more.". I skipped lunch and went early for my next period class, I saw Jacob entered the classroom and handed me a bottled juice and a sandwich, I refused the food and took the drink, I realized I haven't drank any liquid since I woke up "thanks" I said, "So, how did the meeting go with Mr. Collins? Did he punished you?" "No, I said it wasn't me." I said shortly, "Whoa, you really are something". Our teacher entered the room and Jacob hurriedly left the room. Some of my classmates for this period are still staring at me then the guy seated next to me leaned closer to me and talked in a whisper and said "hey James, Is it real? Did you really do that?", I nodded without even looking at him, he pulled himself back wide-eyed and returned his attention to our teacher. Well, it feels good, being feared. I didn't really do it, I don't even have a clue of who's behind this lame prank, honestly, it's so lame that I myself would be embarrassed if I've done that. They could have done much better.

My last period came, I went to my last class and saw the bruised guy earlier, he's got bandage on his upper right forehead, I mean, it doesn't look bad as earlier. As soon as he took his seat, the guys around him immediately noticed his black eye, "Damn, what happened to your face?" "Yea, who did that to you?", looking raged he said "it's non of your business, bro. That sick b***h will regret what she did to me, she'll see who she dealt with." "A b***h? A girl?", "Man, I don't know but, if you've been beaten up by a girl even once in your lifetime, you're considered as one of the weakest man in the Universe." he said laughing, "shut the f**k up or I'll beat the s**t out of you." I was amused by the sight. The guy next to me was the same guy next to me earlier, he whispered-talk once again and said "I don't even know if what's happening in this school, I think I should transfer out.". I just brushed everything off that have happened this day.

I came home early and went straight into my room, my mom called me for dinner but I refused to come downstairs and eat 'till she's in her room, we're not in good terms, me and my mom. Or should I say, Ms. Villin. I have lost my self identity, I don't know who I am, and it has worsen all because of her. After I ate my dinner, I went into my room, turned on my PC and played some online games, drank some beer and dozed off.

I heard my alarm ring non-stop, it annoyed me so much - waking up. I went to the bathroom, took a quick shower and got ready for school. On my way to school I bought sandwich and drink from a convenience store nearby.

As soon as I entered my first period class, I heard my other girl classmates talking about the bruised guy yesterday, "You really did that, Lizzie?" "Oh my gosh, you're the living definition of girl power!" the other girl exclaimed, "Yes, so if any of you gets bullied or harassed by a guy, just tell me and I'll kick their a*s right away." the girl in white sweater and baggy jeans said proudly, she looked at my direction and caught me staring at her, we made an eye contact but I think she felt uncomfortable so she looked away and turned her back from me. I think it's going to be fun.