Risking Alex

Chapter 1-2

Steve sat sideways on the couch, one leg bent against the back with his foot planted in the seat, the other on the floor in front. JV sat in front of him with her legs curled to one side as she leaned against him. Looking at them, it might have looked like she was dependent on him for strength but Matt knew better. She sat on her own, choosing to lean on him for support and comfort. It was a subtle difference but one Matt could see.

“What is it?”

“Why? Why did you keep it to yourself? We would have been there for you. We would have helped you.”

She looked at the floor and took a deep breath. “The short answer is fear. Fear and shame. But it’s not that simple and it’s taken me a long time and some counseling to see that.”

“What do you mean it’s not that simple?” He watched her, waiting.

“You have to understand. I’d only recently gained my freedom. I loved being able to go somewhere and not have to ask permission or justify why, or even tell anyone if I didn’t want to. I knew if I went home and admitted what had happened, then I’d lose that. You’d all close ranks around me and I might never escape again. But it was more than that. I was ashamed that I’d let it happen. I’m a shifter. I should have been able to fight back, to get free, and I couldn’t. Even afterward when I couldn’t shift for a long time, it terrified me and shamed me. I felt like it was my punishment for not being able to fight my way free.”

He felt the hot sting of tears and didn’t fight them. Instead he looked down at his fists clenched in his lap then back up at her, letting the tears slide unhindered down his face.

“I hate that you went through it alone. I hate that you didn’t let us help you. I can’t understand why you did it now but I think it’s my own stubbornness. I keep thinking you should have, you should have and it does no good now.”

He looked back down at his hands. The short nails were digging into his palms leaving small red crescents of blood. He heard movement but didn’t look up until JV’s sweats brushed against his knees. He looked up and met her gaze. Her eyes were concerned but not terrified or even particularly sad. She knelt in front of him, took one of his hands in both hers and pulled it toward her. She forced his fingers to uncurl and looked at the palm of his hand.

“Stop this.” She looked up at his face, meeting his gaze. “Stop it right now. You are not to blame for what happened or how I chose to deal with it. It’s over and I’m healing. I’m not the same person I was before, and I’ll never be. I don’t want to be.” She looked back down at his hand and ran the tip of one finger over the quickly healing wounds still visible there. “This does no good. For anyone. We all have things we have to go through to get where we need to be. My attack was something I had to deal with to drive me to come after Steve.” She looked over to where he still sat on the couch. Her face softened and she smiled. “I can’t regret what I’ve found here. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t easy, but it’s over.” She looked him in the eye. “I need you to be okay with that.”

Matt turned his hand over and took one of her hands in his. “I’ll try. I can’t be right now but give me some time. I’ll try to be okay with it.” She squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. He was glad to see the smile reached her eyes, for a long time her smiles hadn’t. He knew, at least in part, Steve was why they did again. As much as he didn’t like the idea of JV with someone as old as he and Steve, he understood some of it now. Aside from the mating instinct that was. He’d never felt it himself, not even with Connie, who he’d loved with all his heart, but he believed in it.

His chest ached as he thought of Connie. He missed her. She’d been gone two years and he still felt her loss every day. He missed what they almost had, the family they’d almost been when the accident had killed her and their baby.

“I know that look.” JV said from where she still knelt in front of him. “It’s not me you’re thinking about anymore.” She squeezed his hand again. “I hope you find your own mate someday. Sooner rather than later would be good.”

Matt gave her a rueful smile. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

“Ready don’t have nothing to do with it,” Steve said from the sofa. “When you find her that will be all that matters. You and her.” He held one hand out towards JV. She went without a word and curled back on the sofa in front of him, letting him wrap his arms around her as she leaned up and kissed his cheek.

Seeing his sister and his best friend so happy together made him forget the anger he’d had when he’d first found out she was with him. He’d been angry at Steve for taking advantage of her, though it was nowhere near what had happened. In fact, he’d stayed away from her for a long time to keep that from happening. Matt respected that. Now, he just had to come to terms with his new knowledge. She obviously had and that was what was most important.