The Princess Who Wasn't

Chapter One: Merilla, The Unwanted Rat

Chapter One

The dirt and rocks ground into Merilla's hip and arm as she laid on her side with her arm bent underneath her head. Her bright red hair looked like rust from the dinginess of the layers of dirt. Lips cracked and burning, Merilla felt a tear run down her cheek and drip off her chin as she wondered for the millionth time what she did to deserve a life that started so horribly when she was so young. She willed herself to go to sleep, ignoring the pain and growling in her stomach. She longed for one night with no dreams of wishes and no nightmares of the truth. She wasn't sure which was harder but they both resulted in no sleep and lots of crying. Trying to empty her mind, Merilla finally succumbed to sleep.

The nightmare tonight had her crying in her sleep. It wasn't based on memories or on wishes. The nightmare was based on the scorned laughing of everyone who knew her. The people who were around her knew how she was found and they scorned her for it. She marred their perfect lives, their uneventful, mundane, cacophonous lives. They were too good to leave her by the ocean where she was found but did not want an unnamed unknown baby that even her parents obviously hadn't wanted. So, they took her from the shore and kept her at the local church. This is what her nightmare was showing her, so often she had this nightmare she couldn't even count the times.

The scene in her head started the same way as it had every other time. The grown version of her, the version that she is now was standing on the beach watching as women and men alike sneered down at the red baby with red hair. The sun was beating down as the baby lay on the sand with dried seaweed over her. So close to the water’s edge it was assumed whomever left her there was hoping for the ocean to use its high tide to caress and glide the baby into its cold unnurturing depths. However, to the dismay of the entire village she was found before that could happen. One of the onlookers scoffed and roughly picked up the baby.

"Well, we're not going to let it die." The women grunted and started walking through the crowd holding the baby under the arms and away from her.

"Where are you even taking it?" A gruff man asked.

"To the doctor, of course. I'm not keeping it." The woman replied.

Merilla was then taken to the local hospital where she was treated for severe sunburns and dehydration. Her skin was so dry and burnt it was peeling but she never cried. This made the town believe there was something wrong with her and nobody wanted a defective child that its parents didn't even love. However, they were too good to be seen was murderers. So, collectively, the town decided they would keep her in the church and take turns "caring" for her, as one would any other chore they didn't want to do but must. Every day a different family was responsible for feeding Merilla three times a day, clothing her, and keeping her clean. Nobody was responsible for loving her though. No body was responsible for holding her. No body was responsible for maintaining her red curls as they grew so they just shaved Merilla bald once every two weeks. She never screamed, never complained, never whined, but every night when that days person left and the door was locked from the outside so she couldn't leave...she cried until her eye lids slowly drooped and she was able to sleep. However, no matter how much or how little she slept it was never peaceful. Much like tonight, her sleep was often invaded by unwanted nightmares waking her to gasping breaths and tears streaming down her face.

Awaking with tears streaming down ones' face was never pretty or comfortable and it is even less so when laying in the dirt. The tears and the snot mixed in a puddle underneath Merilla's cheek and made the course dirt stick to and smear along her right cheek which had fallen off of her arm and into the small mud puddle. It wasn't just her cheek, however, that was being coated with the mixture. Merilla's unruly hair on her right side was so coated it plastered to her neck and shoulder. Sniffling, she clumsily stood up- groaning from the sore muscles and aches of the bruising. Trying to push her hair off her neck and shoulder Merilla grimaced as her finger caught in a snarl and yanked at it. She didn't have scissors or a brush so most days she tried to pull the matting apart with little to no improvement.

Slowly looking around Merilla realized that it was still really early in the morning and the trash man had yet to dump the large dumpsters that that sat outside every restraunt. Her stomach started growling at the thought of being able to find something to put in it. Even if the food was cold, old, and sometimes even dirty. Undesirable food was better than no food at all and this was something that Merilla learned two years ago when she had been kicked out of the church with only a pair of sweat pants and a dress that was four sizes too big. Neither kept her warm at night and this meant she was often ill. She was 14 and never allowed to leave the church before that so she had no money, no job, and no food.

Merilla learned quick after fainting multiple times the first week to always find food. Now, she walked dizzily toward the Pizza Plaza just a block down from where she had slept. The Pizza Plaza was always her first stop because if they had left over pizza to throw out it was always thrown out inside the box so often it was clean. Just a few hours old. Even better were the chicken wings, if chicken wings were thrown out they were left inside the sealed plastic container and sometimes, depending on how soon she got there after closing they were still some-what warm. The thought of warm garlic parmesan chicken wings made Merilla's taste buds go nuts and her stomach rumble so violently it felt as if someone had tied a slip knot around her mid-section and pulled as hard as they could. As Merilla gasped and grabbed her stomach she stopped, hunched over. After the cramp let go of her insides she slowly exhaled and continued her walk up to the dumpster behind the Pizza Plaza.

At the Pizza Plaza Merilla felt excitement course through her entire body as if someone had coated her entirely in pop rocks and splashed her with soda. Someone had left the gate open that encircles the dumpster which meant she wouldn't have to climb over the gate or scratch herself up trying to slide underneath. Sliding inside the gate, careful not to make any extra noise, Merilla tried to slide open the window on the side of the dumpster but it wouldn't budge. That’s when she noticed the thick lock keeping the door closed. A small sliver of dread settled in her chest and when she saw the second lock keeping both of the black doors on top of the dumpster closed the dread tightened in her chest with stabbing pain like someone wrapped her in barbed wire. When she turned around, she saw the note she had missed when she came in because she was so focused on being able to eat.

‘The camera's show that a large unwanted RAT was scurrying inside the trash.

We, as a town, no longer feed unwanted RAT.

All town dumpsters on business properties are off limits.

Any RATS found in the dumpsters will be taken care of permanently.’

The note said rat but Merilla knew it meant her. That was what the cruelest of the town called her, Rat. Merilla was just a church rat who deserved nothing better than any other rat- to be drowned as soon as their caught. Often, she was threatened to be "released" to the ocean. "It wouldn't be murder," the town mocked. "We would send you in a boat with a loaf of bread and thermos of water! Maybe you could find your parents and convince them to take you back!" The cruel would mock. Now they might as well for she would surely die of starvation before too long.

Merilla slowly left the fence containing the dumpster and walked around to the back side before collapsing in deep sobs. As the sobs came so did the gasps for air. Marilla could not breathe even though she tried to force her lungs to expand and absorb the oxygen. They refused, disrespecting her and willing to make her life even harder. As her body shook and her shoulders heaved the lack of oxygen finally resulted in bliss. Dark numbness enveloped all of Merilla's senses as she fainted.