Stuck Between Brothers

Chapter 13: A New Life

After telling Josh's parents that I was pregnant with his child, we started to pack up his bedroom. I was hesitant about him moving in, things felt like they were moving way too fast. My space was taken over by his things, I never got any alone time. Being with Josh wasn't what I always dreamed it to be. He never let me do anyrhing. If he saw me lifting a finger for anything, he would get on to me like I was a child. If I'm being honest, a part of me missed Lucas.

Lucas kept his distance from me. At school, he passed me in the hallways like I never existed. It's been 5 weeks since I found out I was pregnant and he never questioned it. Once he was told he wasn't the father, that was his get out of jail free card and he took it and ran with it. I always saw him with a different girl every week. It's like the few months we spent as a couple meant nothing to him.

I know, I sound like a hypocrite because I'm with his brother, but the pain is still there either way. Lucas was a love that snuck up on me when I least expected it to, and those feelings don't just go away over night. He hurt me in a way I never thought possible, but he was still my first for everything. He was my best friend and he promised to never let anything tear us apart. Yet, my whole world crashed and burned and I'm left to pick up the pieces alone. Well I have Josh, my Uncle Donnie and Tiara, but I've still never felt so alone.

Today is a somewhat big day for us. Today we get to go to the doctor's office and get an ultrasound on my daughter. They check everything from her fingers, to her toes and make sure she's developing right. My belly has gotten a little bigger, if I'm honest it looks like I ate a big sandwhich. I saw a video of someone using a ponytail to make their jeans last a little longer and I have started having to do that.

As I pull up my pants and get they secured, Josh walks in to my bedroom. He pulls out his phone and snaps a picture of me.

"Stalker alert!" I wink at him.

"You're so beautiful, I can't help myself." He came up to me and pulled me in for a kiss. The sparks just aren't there for me anymore.

"You're going to get chap stick all over you." I tell him as I pull away.

"I dont mind it, baby. Grab your bag and let's head out." He said while walking to the door. I grabbed my purse and followed him out.

"Are you excited to see our precious baby girl?" He asked while opening the car door for me.

"I am! Im surprised I havent felt her kick yet. I see a lot of moms say they feel their babies kicking by now." I tell him. I have been concerned, but I called my dr and he said sometimes the placenta can block me from feeling it. He wasn't too concerned, so I tried not to be too.

"The Dr said it can be normal. Don't stress too much about it." Reaching over, he grabbed my hand to hold it, but I grabbed my phone instead. He awkwardly placed his hand on my thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. That should be comforting, right? I really don't understand what is wrong with me.

I just gave him a quick nod and a small smile in hopes that the conversation can be done with for now.

"Jude?" Josh asks, his tone sounding more serious.

"hmmm?"

"Are we ok? You've been pulling away from me." I could hear the pain in his voice.

"We're ok. I just feel like everything is moving so fast and I havent had a chance to actually think about whats going on." I try to assure him.

"What do you mean everything is moving fast? You're pregnant and I stepped up to take responsibility for you and our baby." Every time he says our baby, it makes me cringe.

"That's the thing, this isnt 'our' baby. This is a baby I made with Lucas. We formed some elaborate lie to cover the fact that she's his, and it doesnt feel right to me." It wasnt supposed to come out as harsh as it did.

"You agreed to this, Jude. If you don't want to be with me, just tell me now. Dont let me build a bond with her just to tear her away from my life." He snapped back.

"I dont know what I want, Josh! I havent even had a chance to breathe since I found out. We didnt even date, you just moved right on in. I agreed to it because I was in shock. It never felt right. Lucas should know the truth!" This is not how this should've went down, but here we are.

"You want Lucas to know the truth? Jude he doesnt even care! He didnt wany this from the moment he found out. He doesn't care about you or that baby girl. He never asks about either of you! I care though. I'm here! Why cant you just let him go and move on! I'm not blind. I see you looking out the window trying to see him. I see you scrolling through old text messages between you and him. I know you still have feelings for him, but he doesnt love you. He will never love you like I do." Now theres tears. I dont want to cry. I'm tired of crying. Part of me knows he's right, but the other part doesn't want to believe it.

"I think we should come clean. I cant live a lie, and I don't want my daughter to grow up living a lie. My entire world was flipped upside down and nobody gave me time to grieve. I never got the chance to work out my feelings for Lucas. I feel like I can't breathe!" I yell. We pull up to the doctors office and Josh pulls around to the front.

"Get out. Ill call your uncle and have him pick you up. I need time to think." Josh says coldly. I don't even respond as I grab my purse and get out of the car. He looked really hurt. I really feel numb to it by this point. I cant handle it anymore. I can't handle the judgemental faces I see at school. Uncle Donnie is so upset over our lie, he cant look at me.

Walking in, I went to the front desk and checked in. While waiting, I went through different scenarios in my head to try and figure out what to do. I could just come clean, have Josh move out and just do this solo. It really doesnt sound like a bad idea.

"Jude?" I hear the nurse call my name. I get up and follow her to the ultrasound room.

"Hop up here on the table, lift your shirt, and unbotton your pants for me." She tells me.

She tucks the paper cloth into my pants and turns her machine on.

"This might be a little cold." She squirts the gel on my stomach and puts her wand down. I look at the screen and see my perfect baby girl.

"You see that?" She points to something but I dont really know what I'm seeing.

"What is it?" I ask.

"She's sucking her thumb." She tells me with a smile. I grin back. I watched in awe as she showed me different things. This beautiful tiny human is growing inside of me. This life I made with Lucas. Lucas. Her father is Lucas and he should know. I never should've gotten into this mess with Josh. It wasnt fair to anyone.

"All done! Everything looks perfect." The ultrasound tech tells me. She prints out a few images and hands them to me. I get up to leave with a new determination. I will fix this mess and tell Lucas the truth. Josh will move out and back in with his parents and I will raise this baby with or without Lucas' help.

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Uncle Donnie pulls up at the house. He looks a lot like a weight was lifted off his shoulders since I told him my plan. He said he was happy I made the right choice and was going to make it right. We see Josh's car parked at his parents house and part of me hopes he moved his stuff out.

Walking in to our house, I felt like I could breathe. It didnt feel so stuffy. I went to my room and sighed with relief when I saw Joshs' things werent in here anymore. I ran to my bed and dove into it and spread out. I finally had my space back to myself. Now, its time to set everything right. I pulled out my phone and decided to text Lucas that we need to talk.

I waited excitedly by my phone for him to respond. He never texted me back. I shot a text to Josh, and he also ignored me. I decided to call Lucas, and immediately realized that he blocked my number. I tried to call Josh and he blocked me too.

I went to look for Uncle Donnie and heard him whispering to someone at the front door.

"Uncle Donnie, who's at the door?" I say while walking down the hallway.

"Uhh. No one sweetie." He responds quickly and tries to shut the door.

"Oh someone is definitely here!" I hear Mrs. Bettie yell from the other side of the door.

"Mrs. Bettie! How are you doing?" I ask.

"Dont try to be all sweet now, little girl. What on earth were you thinking?" She shoved the door open and yelled at me.

"What are you talking about?" I ask confused.

"You lied to my boys. You told Josh the baby was his, and now you claim it to be Lucas'? Josh doesnt even think the baby is either of theirs." She wags her finger in my face.

"I-" I dont even know what to say. This whole plan was Josh's idea.

"I already told you, thats not how it happened." Uncle Donnie bellows.

"You think I'm going to believe some tramp and her uncle? I should've washed my hands of you when I broke my friendship with your mother." She said, turning back to me.

"You are no longer welcome in my home. I made sure to change our numbers, so dont even try to contact any of us. I am so disappointed in you Jude. I treated you like my own daughter and you repay me by trying to trap both of my sons." She walked out of the house and I just stared at her retreating figure. I looked over at my uncle and he was running his hands through his hair.

"Jude. You dont need any of them." He comes up to me and wraps his arms around me in a tight hug.

"I want to leave." I tell him. I pull back and look in to his eyes. I have no tears left to cry. I dont want to be here anymore.

"Thank you so much for taking care of me all these years. You truly are a wonderful father. I-I cant be here anymore. I cant continue to live across the street from those people. I want to go live with Grandma and Grandpa." I tell him.

"Jude, we can fix this. You dont need to leave." He tries to tell me.

"Do you know what will happen at school? How can I finish the year out with those people. They already talk. Once this gets out, I wont be able to get away from it." I tell him. I start walking to my room and pull out my bag. He follows me.

"If you're leaving, Im going with you." He tells me.

"You have a career here. You cant just leave on a whim. I cant let you uproot your life for me." I argue.

"I'm not asking, Jude. You are the only reason I stayed in this town." He tells me as he walks out of the room, I guess to go and pack his own bag.

I sit down on my bed and decide to write a letter to Lucas. No matter what, he deserves to know. I dont want them to follow me or even look for me. I decided to tell one last little white lie. I write a letter to Josh and apologize for everything. I write a letter to both of their parents separately to explain everything and let them know that i really do appreciate everything they did for me. I write the last letter to Lucas. I tell him that I still love him and always will. I tell him that I wish things were different, but that I could no longer stay there. I tell him the truth behind everything, and if he doesnt believe me. thats on him. I can no longer let him think that the baby was Joshs'. In the end, I let everyone off the hook with the end of their letters.

I lied to them. I lied to every single one of them. They dont have to worry about me and my daughter anymore. They don't have to wonder about the what ifs. Josh and his parents know I wasnt feeling the baby kick. They knew that the dr said it was normal for some people. They also know what the alternative could've meant, that I lost the baby. I decided it was best for everyone to think thats what happened. They didnt want any part of her life anyways. I'm doing this so they dont decide to get a conscience in a few years and look for us. This is the right thing to do, right?