Everything I Could Ever Ask For

Chapter Fifteen.

Ikram's POV

I woke up today with a new hope. A vibrant energy. I had no idea where they came from but I could feel it all around me. I had decided to take life a little more lightly. Yes I was married and the man I was married to doesn't seem to care about me. I just had to be a little more understanding and hopefully he'll come around. Before then,I'll be the perfect housewife. I don't care how he treats me anymore. I know it was easier said than done but I was willing to try. I just hoped that my one sided feeling was going to be enough for both of us. I won't give up on him. He had clearly been through a lot that made him the way he was and slowly I'll get through him.

Ya Allah,please make it easy for me.

I opened my side drawer and brought out my diary. I couldn't remember the last time I wrote in it. Might as well pour my heart out. I took out my pen and began to write.

15th September,2016 

Dear diary,

It's been long I wrote to you and many things had happened. Like surprise surprise I'm married. Surprising right? I know I know too early,but fate has its own ways. I'm married to Adnan,Zahra's brother that I once told you about. Yeah my crush,him. I should be happy right?but why am I not? Sometimes I feel like breaking down and shouting but what good will that do for me. It's just two days into my wedding and I assure you it's not all rainbows and unicorns. We hardly speak and I always avoid him. But do you think I should try harder? I don't even know what to do and even though it's too early,I feel like I'm starting to fall in love with him. I don't understand how I can fall in love with someone who doesn't even give me a second glance,but the heart wants what it wants. I wish he'd give us a chance and forget about whatever past that keeps haunting him. I want this to work so bad that I'm willing to try. I'll fight for us even though I'll be the one to get hurt. And one day I hope he'll feel the same way about me too. Bye diary,till I write to you again and that'll be often.

I closed the diary and kept it under my pillow and felt at ease. Sometimes I even forget how writing in my diary helped ease what ever I was going through.

I never got the chance to explore the house,so I did just that. Passing away time before it was time for the dinner at Zahra's place. I'm even looking forward to it now because on the bright side, I'm gonna spend time with my best friend. We've got a lot of catching up to do.

I was about to go down the stairs when I heard a sound coming from Adnan's room. Sounded almost like sobbing. I made my way to the direction of his room and yes he was crying.

Oh my God,what could've made him cry? I thought.

I could feel my heart constrict at the thought that he was in so much pain. I so badly wanted to go in there and hold him tight,consoling him but then I remembered his rules but damn to hell with his rules.

I opened the door and made my way inside his room. My first time in his room. The first thing that greeted me was black,everything was dark. I spotted his shadow on the bed laying down. He was sleeping and having nightmares I think. I had to wake him up. I went over and shook him but he didn't budge. Tears were streaming down his face as he was whispering "No,please No,don't leave me." I shook him harder and he finally jolted awake and startled me by pulling me and hugging me tight. I could feel my face go warm but this was not the time. I held him tightly and let him cry while I whispered soothing words in his ear. When his crying died down,I think he realized what he was doing and he immediately let go of me,I felt empty when his arms left me but I kept a straight face.

"I told you not to come into my room." He said. I felt really hurt that he had to remind of that.

"I know,I'm sorry but you were crying and I thought you were ill or something."

He looked away without replying me. "I'm sorry that someone out there made you distrust love. That they walked into your life and broke apart the most beautiful feeling there is. That now you don't trust family, don't trust friendship. That you live waiting for people to abandon you,that you leave early so they don't leave you. But please dont give up because not everybody is going to hurt you."

I didn't know where all these came from but I was glad I said them because he looked so vulnerable at that moment. He still hadn't said a word and I continued.

"I know that something happened that made you the way you are now. An arrogant and cold person. No offence. The nightmares and all but please you have to move past it. I also know that it's about a girl,I have no idea or any clue what happened,who she is or where she is and I'm not going to pry you to tell me anything. Just know that Allah doesn't burden his slaves with what they cannot bear so please try to put your past behind you and focus on the future,because if you keep letting old scars haunt you,you'll never find the inner piece which you always crave for."

Even after my long speech he didn't utter any word. Just looking at me with his bloodshot eyes. They were kinda scary at the moment. I had never seen a man cry. When guys cry,you know that things had gotten out of hand and that what ever was bothering them was getting too hard to handle.

I just hope he's going to be alright.

"Just know that I'll always be here for you. I don't care if you push me away or don't reciprocate the feelings I have for you but I'm hoping that one day you'll look at me differently." I said and stood up about to leave when he held my hand. "Please just stay for a while,until I sleep." He finally spoke his voice hoarse.

I nodded and sat next to him watching as he tried to go back to sleep. Why does he even want to sleep by this time anyway?ah I remember it was still 9:00am and I was an early riser. I watched as his rapid breathing decreased to a slow pace,till his face had a peaceful calm to it before I stood quietly and left the room closing the door silently behind him.

I sat down by his door with my hands covering my face and thinking about how much vulnerability he let down today. I was sure he never wanted me to see him this way,with his guard let down,but a part of me was glad that I did because at least I had a glimpse into how much he was suffering. I had no idea how often he gets these nightmares and my heart broke a little for him.

My determination to be there for him increased. And I was slowly and slowly learning to love him which was a good thing and also a bad thing. I don't think we can make it to the dinner,he might not want to go.

I stood up from my crouched position and went back to my room. I picked my phone and called Zahra to inform her.

***

Zahra's POV

I heard my phone ringing. Who the hell was calling me this early morning. I'm going to rip their heads off. I lazily grabbed my phone and checked the caller and it was Ikram. Not a surprise,she was used to disrupting my beauty sleep. I picked up.

"Sannu da aiki! What are you doing awake by this time and disrupting my beauty sleep?"

"Oh sorry,thought you'd be awake. Just wanted you to apologize to Umma that we won't be making it to the dinner today." She said.

"What?why?" I asked surprised.

"Adnan isn't feeling too well."she said and my heart dropped.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked. He hardly gets sick.

"I think it's fever,he'll be alright though,don't worry just extend my apologies to Umma."

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Alright.Will do in sha Allah. See you acting all wifey and all." I said laughing.

I could imagine her blushing at the other end. "Hah. Whatever.Bye,go back to sleep." She replied.

"You're now chasing me. It's horright." I said mimicking jenifa's accent.

"Yeah yeah and greet ya Ahmad for me. Tell him I said well done for not even calling me to see how I was doing." She said and it was my turn to blush as she mentioned ya Ahmad.

"He's your brother. Tell him yourself."

"No I want you to tell him. Bye go and continue your so called beauty sleep." And with that she cut the call leaving me wide awake thinking about a certain someone.

Me and Ahmad had gotten really close. I had a crush on him once because I see him oftenly as he was my best friend's brother. But when Ikram told me he had feelings for me,I don't know what got into me but I could feel the crush I had for him vanish. That was one problem with me,I don't know what love is,the highest I'd ever had was a crush and that was it. Because even if I liked someone and they tell me they liked me too,I feel nothing and push them away,then they leave.

But Ahmad was different. Even though I pushed him away,he refused to leave me. He was very persistent and I had to give up and tell him we just had to be friends and that was all. He gladly accepted and the rest was history. We chat all day and make phone calls for like hours and I never got tired of conversing with him. He never brought up anything about his feelings for me and now I want him to because I had grown so attached to him. I couldn't believe that I ever rejected him. He was one of the sweetest and most charming person I've ever met. Any day he doesn't call,I get worried that he had grown tired of me. And then he calls and every thing gets back to normal.

I don't like that he makes me feel stuffs I've never experienced. Making me go soft and all. This feeling was so foreign but I was going to keep my feelings to myself. Maybe he justs sees me as a friend now and nothing else and me telling him about my feelings could ruin our friendship,so I'm just gonna keep quiet and hope that he'll ask me out again.