Rogue Rage

Chapter 15

“Amara, wake up. I’m leaving.” I jolted awake at my father’s voice and sighed as I sat up in my cot. I hated that he was leaving. He faced away from me, packing a bag with clothes fresher than the ones he wore.

“Do you have to go?” I asked. I wasn’t going to miss him. Dad had stopped being a father to me long before I understood what a father was. I only wanted him there because no one approached me while he was around. I had no tasks. I didn’t have to train. I didn’t have to entertain anyone.

Dad sighed. “Don’t start. I’m doing this for you and for what they did to your mother.”

I rolled my eyes. “You really think Mom wanted me growing up here with you never around?” The attitude in my voice had hardened over the years. Dad was only here once in a while. Being a meek, frightened little girl did me no favors, especially since I hadn’t shifted yet. Jace was a year younger than me and already had her wolf.

Because of that, I couldn’t appear to the rest of the rogues as weak, or they’d take advantage of it. Dad hadn’t even asked if I’d shifted yet. I was pretty sure it never even crossed his mind.

Dad stood tall and turned to me. I saw stars before I felt the sharp pain across my cheek. It wasn’t that I had never been slapped before. I had just never been slapped by Dad. I kept my face turned away from him. Hesitation stretched through the small tent.

“No, your mother would much prefer to be alive raising you in the safety of a pack. But clearly that fate wasn’t meant for any of us. Even you.” He picked up his bag and went for the opening of the tent. “I’ll be back in a few months. Do your duties here and obey Damian.”

I sat upright, the images from the dream still flashing through my head. The memory of the last time I saw my father was one I thought I had buried. At thirteen, I questioned authority every chance I got. I remembered wanting to scream at him, to tell him to take me with him and never bring me back. I could not count how many times I had planned to leave but never did. If I had known that would be the last time I saw him, I would have left that day.

Fragments of my adolescent anger towards him had faded into acceptance. The rest of it stayed rooted in the furthest corner of my mind. It was locked in a little cabinet along with all my daydreams of a different life.

The lack of light beyond the door told me it was still dark. I still felt exhausted, so I assumed I had only slept for a short time. After bathing in the river, I had rushed back to the hut and laid my clothes on the drying rack. I stood to touch them and found them closer to wet than damp. I had probably only slept a few minutes.

I ran my fingers through my hair, scraping my scalp with my nails. Besides the physical toll, I was mentally drained. I could never return to Damian without knowing if Keith was captured or not and if he told them anything about my betrayal. I didn’t care about not going back. There was nothing there I’d miss. Not the people, not the so-called security. The only thing I’d miss would be the thoughts of escaping.

My own state of mind was beginning to irritate me. I laid back down and bolted up again when I heard footsteps outside the hut. They shuffled outside the hut but stopped in front of the door. f**k! f**k! f**k!

A slow knock made me rush to put on my wet clothes. The leather and fabric were extremely cold and uncomfortable. I looked around and decided that there was absolutely nowhere to hide. I stared at a small window and imagined it scraping the skin off my ribs if I tried squeezing through it.

“Open the door, Amara.” I felt a bit of relief hearing Sam’s voice. I opened the door to his stressed face. He looked like he carried the world on his shoulder and for some reason, I felt guilty about that. He squeezed through the door when I opened it fully. He looked around the tiny, dusty room and tossed a small package he was carrying on the bed. I never turned on the lamp so we stood in the dim light that came from the window. Though the rest of the forest was pitch black at night, the village had lamps on poles every hundred feet or so.

He turned to me with a stoic expression. “This is growing. Your secret is endangering my position in this pack, as well as my daughters’.”

I sat down on the bed and looked down. “I understand.” I did. I couldn’t ask him to risk everything that important to him. His family and the pack that gave him a second chance. Everything that my father was willing to give up.

“We can tell Leon tomorrow, if that’s what you want.” He stared at me for a long, uncomfortable moment. I could see his conscience working against him. Samuel was a good man. A good father. A loyal pack member. Maybe that was why I leaned on him. He was the kind of protective father I believed I deserved. Maybe some part of me wanted him to change his mind and help me find a place in this pack the way he had. Either way, that was not reality.

I sighed and hung my head, “Great Alpha Stone.” I lifted my head and looked at him. “He’s the one. I played the naïve teen to make him drop his guard. I was trying to get him to ask me to go somewhere with him so I could get him alone.”

“For a smart girl, you really don’t think things through. Once you got him alone, did you honestly think you could take him down?” I pulled my dagger from under the filthy blanket. Sam shook his head disapprovingly. “If I forced myself on you right now, do you really think you could fend me off with that?” He did not wait for me to answer before continuing. “You have no wolf, Amara!”

His tone actually made me jump. I tucked my dagger away, “I would have figured it out. I—”

“Stop, Amara! Just stop.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You know, every time I think of doing something stupid, like continuing to play dumb about your identity, I remind myself that you’ve made every decision that brought you here.”

I immediately became defensive. “I had no choice! Damian—”

“To hell with Damian, Amara! You are not a small, naïve child. You can’t keep blaming Damian for the choices you continue to make. He has no leverage over you, yet you continued doing his bidding for years!”

“What was I supposed to do?! Where was I supposed to go? I had no way to survive out there alone.”

“And now? Are you saying you’re smart enough to invade, steal from, and live in a pack that is not yours, but too helpless to survive without Damian?” A lump of bile formed in my throat. He shook his head and turned toward the door. “They should fit.” He walked out of the hut and closed the door quietly behind him.

I turned to the package on the bed and opened it. Two tunics and a pair of cotton pants. They looked like they were about my size. I held up one of the shirts, hands shaking. Then the tears came. I hated how much the gesture meant to me. I held it to my chest and began to cry hard. Once again, I stripped out of my wet clothes and hung them on the drying rack. I put on the borrowed clothes, breathing in the fragrance of someone else. One of his daughters, I assumed.

I climbed back into bed and let the tears fall quietly. Sleep came easily and deeply this time.