Always

Until We Bleed

Until We Bleed

Rowan

I can’t believe Dallas has been gone for a month. He’s not answering anyone’s texts, except for Cora’s and from what she tells me they’re all about R. Danny is dealing, but I can already see the changes. There are circles under his eyes and his laid back personality is shifting. He’s withdrawn and brooding. I hate it. I already feel like I’m looking at a mini Dallas. I want the bastard to come back and take his spot. Life’s becoming boring. We’re staying at the club, because Danny isn’t ready to move into his father’s place and it’s clear Cora needs room to deal. For the first time since we were teens, our relationship is strained. I blame Houdini. The silent bastard has a hold on her I don’t understand.

This is bullshit. We’ve shared the most intimate thing two people can experience together and now we can’t talk? Disgusted with the situation, I stand from the table and toss my half drunk soda in the garbage. This s**t ends tonight. I storm out, ignoring the questioning gazes from the prospects. I need the anger to overwhelm my guilt.

She needs to be shaken up and broken out of the shell she’s formed around herself. If I don’t do it now and leave it too long, maybe I’ll never get back inside. Danny is on another run to meet up with charters. It’s a thing I’ve become used to…being alone. I push thoughts of him away. Right now, is about getting my best friend and lover back where she belongs…with me.

I cut the ten minute drive down to five, slam the truck in park and step out—a woman on a mission. My flip flops slap against the heated pavement as I stalk to the door. I don’t bother knocking. I use my key. I push open the door and pray ole blue eyes isn’t here.

Cora turns around. “Hey?”

“Where’s R.?”

“He’s with my Dad today.” She smiles. “R totally has his Granddad wrapped around his finger.”

My lips twitch. Perfect. I shut the door behind me. “This has gone on long enough.”

“What?” She asks. Her pinup eyebrows come closer together and her nose wrinkles.

“Don’t play stupid. Your cuteness ain’t getting you out of this one b***h. I get that I haven’t been around for everything. But you chose to block me out. You say it’s for me, but I call bullshit. “

“What are you talking about?” Cora shakes her head. Her black locks fly around her slender face.

“Don’t bullshit me Cora! You’ve always been a shitty liar.”

She clenches her jaw and I know I’ve got her. I walk over and press her body back against the couch. “Talk to me. We’ve been through too much to let s**t keep going down this path.” I lean in and block her in. “I know you better than you think. I know how you look when you come, how you taste and I know when you’re running from something. You think I believe you when you act like you don’t care about Dallas?”

She turns away.

I grab her chin and turn her face back to me. “No. You’ve done enough turning away from me.”

“f**k you and your perfect life.”

Her words wound me. “What?”

She shrugs me off. “You left. You went and lived your dreams and I stayed behind to deal with the f****d up s**t going on in my head, my rocky ass relationship with Dallas and a new baby. What? Did you want me to b***h to you? Blow your phones up with my sob stories when I didn’t get enough sleep? Or when Dallas made me cry. When he punched the wall by my head and I thought he was going to hit me for the first time ever. Is that what you wanted me to tell you about? I had nothing good to talk about, so I didn’t. I had trivial conversations with you, let you think s**t was fine when it wasn’t, because sometimes being a good friend means keeping your f*****g mouth shut.”

Her words are a bomb exploding and impaling me with shrapnel. “I—?”

“Exactly. See that look on your face? That sound in your voice. That’s why I didn’t want to say s**t to you. I don’t need your pity. You and Danny have always been the solid couple. I get that, I accepted it. But for the first time ever, I envied it and I just couldn’t live with that.”

“Cora.” Her words hurt me. I should’ve been there for this. Was I so selfish she felt she couldn’t bring this to me?

“No.” She shoves me gently. “You don’t get to pity me.” Her chest is heaving, threatening to spill over her black tank top. “You want to strip away my layers, and leave me raw and naked. Well, two can play this game.”

Her growly voice makes my breasts heavy. It’s been so long since we last came together.

“I see you too, Rowan. I know how to break you down and make you weak. “She trails her hand down my waist to my thighs and pauses.

My breath is coming rapidly and my p***y is wet. 

She smirks and slips her hands under my skirt, rubbing my swelling c**t through the lace. “So wet, you want it, don’t you baby? Have you missed this? Cause I have. I missed the two of you so f*****g much, it ate away at me a little more each day. Who is Cora without Rowan and Danny?”

“Co-co.” I lick my lips and she slips a finger inside my panties. Her fingers are so soft and her touch is gentle. I whimper. She’s so different from Danny, but just as familiar. I spread my legs and she hums her approval. The little b***h can be damn demanding when she’s a mind to be. She rolls a finger around my entrance and slicks my c**t. I know she’s using the oldest distraction method in the world, but right now, I don’t care. Suddenly, I need this more than I’ve needed anything. The reconnection means everything. She slips her fingers inside me and I grip the couch behind me.

“No, we can do better.” She removes her fingers. “Lay over the couch, and show me that ass baby. I’m going to take you from behind.”

My heart is knocking while I spin around quickly and offer up my ass.

She rubs it gently. “You got a nice ass for a white girl.”

I giggle at our long standing joke. This is the girl who I had slumber parties with, the one who held me when Danny and I had a fight and I couldn’t stop crying. The beautiful brown skinned goddess who takes my old man inside her and comes to life. Just thinking about it has my p***y growing even wetter.

She eases two fingers inside and I moan.

“Oh, you do like this, don’t you?” She says. “Do you want it fast?”She picks up the pace.

I clutch my muscles around her, seeking more.

“Or Slow.” She moves at a crawl and I push back my hips. “Oh yeah, f**k my fingers, Ro. You need to come, don’t you baby? Need to give over that control? Let go. I’m running this now.”

Her words take away my restraint and I surrender. I grip the back of the couch and slam back down on her finger, crying our when she curls them. I take out all my frustrations, fears and angst on her fingers. My thighs are shaking and my walls are clamping down as I ride the wave.

“Come for me now, Ro.”

“Cora…” I clamp down on her fingers, squirting liquid. Lights flash before my eyes and I l slump over the couch, spent.

“Spread those legs baby, I’m not done.”

I feel her kneel between my legs. A moment later, her lips are on my still tingling p***y. “Oh God!” I jerk. 

She grips my thighs and licks a path up my slit. “You taste just as sweet as I remember Ro.”  Her tongue flicks my clits.

The overstimulation hurts so good. She drives her tongue inside me and I’m helpless to do anything other than f**k her mouth.

She moans her encouragement, massaging my thighs.

I rock back and forth, eager to feel more of the sparks zinging through my body. “Yes, right there, Cora.” I’m begging her to finish me. She sucks my c**t into her mouth and I’m hit with a wave of pleasure so powerful it wipes everything else from my mind. I coast in a blissful sea of white space. I come with the warm weight of her breasts pressed against me back. “Mh-mm, damn Cora.”

“You back with me?” She asks, trailing her fingers down my right arm.

“Yes, and don’t think for second I forgot what we were talking about before you sexed my ass up.”

She laughs.

A tinkling bell like sound I haven’t heard in far too long.

“You tenacious bitch.”

“And don’t you forget it,” I counter.

She moves off me and I stand up on spaghetti legs. “Holy s**t, Cora.”

“I needed to be in control.”

We exchange a look. She needed this just as much as I did.

“We’re always better together, babe. You know that,” I whisper.

She nods, but remains silent.

“You know you owe me a story, right?”

She sucks her fingers in her mouth and bats her eyelashes. She removes them with a nice, wet, pop. “You sure that’s what you want from me, Rowan?” She rolls the r in my name.

“Yes.” I ignore the arousal already winding its way back through my body.

She sighs. “Alright, let’s go out back. You thirsty?”

“I could use some fluid replenishing.”

She winks and sashays her juicy ass over to the fridge. She pulls out water and I follow her into the backyard. She’s added a turtle sandbox and a swing set since my last visit.

“I bet R, loves that.”

She smiles at me. “He does. I’m thankful for the easy way to expend energy. From the minute he’s up, he’s on the go.”

The pride in her voice is adorable. “Such a proud mama,” I say.

“Damn straight.” She grins. “For a while there, I didn’t think it was going to happen.”

“I didn’t know you were trying.”  

She snorts. “Dallas was always trying. I was just a willing participate in the wicked deed.”

“You were more than that.”

She giggles. “Occasionally.”

“It feels good to be back here with you like this.” We sit in the wooden swing suspended by sturdy metal chains.

She hands me a water. “It does.”

I unscrew the top on my water, take a sip and rock us back and forth as I choose my next words carefully. “Why the radio silence?”

“You know why.”

“No, I don’t. Because if you’re trying to tell me you couldn’t talk to me, but you could bond with a complete stranger, I’m going to call bullshit again.”

“Who? Houdini?” She snickers.

“Yes.” I huff.

“Oh Ro, are you jealous?”

I shrug and focus on the plastic bottle in my hand, refusing to meet the probing gaze I feel on me.

“We were just two f****d up people looking for a nonjudgmental source to understand.”

“He looks just fine to me,” I mumble.

“You know better than me, looks can be deceiving. The worst scars are usually the ones you can’t see. The bad s**t lives inside our minds and haunts us continually.” Her voice is laced with a heavy sorrow.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Uh-uh, not my story to tell.”

“He’s creepy. Why doesn’t he talk?” I ask.

“He has his reasons and he does talk.”

“Yeah to you maybe. You going to tell me, Dallas, I have my name tattooed on your hip, is okay with this friendship?”

“They’re friends of a sort.”

“Uh-huh,” I say, not believing her.

“What you think…I’m lying?”

I place a hand on her shoulder. “No, Baby Girl, I think you have a huge heart and blinders.”

“He’s my friend and I owe him for all he’s done.”

“What do you mean all he’s done?” I squeeze her arm gently. “Cora.”

“Nothing, he just gave me a calm spot in the middle of chaos. Maybe I was drawn to him because it gave me something else to think about other than my own problems.”

“Cora what happened between you and Dallas? I thought you were working things out.”

She sighed. “We were, until we weren’t. s**t’s gotten really stressful around here, even before—Rule…” She closes her eyes. “…Died. They were gearing for war, training like a damn army, doing runs to gather money. Rule was laying into Dallas hard. He was vicious, Ro. I don’t think I’d ever seen it so bad. I don’t know if he was just on edge about the Rolling Bones, or if something else was going on. My Dad was deteriorating, or seemed to be. Looking back on it now, I think he was just finding his way back through the maze.” She shakes her head. “Either way it was putting strain on us both. With him gone I was taking care of R pretty much by myself, living on tiny amounts of sleep. God, I resented Dallas. He’d pushed so hard for the baby and then I was left at home, feeling like a single mother. The Old Ladies stopped in to check on me but it wasn’t the same and I didn’t want to ask for the extra help. They’ve all raised their children and some don’t have a maternal bone in their body.”

I sigh. “I’m sorry I left—”

She covers my mouth with her hand. “No, you did right. The connection we have, the time we spent together, it’s a blessing. Sharing that love is the ultimate act of freedom. I won’t let our bond become prison bars.”

“It’s not a cage. I love you.”

“And I love you. But I’ve seen how south that can go. Love shouldn’t mean sacrifice, not everything. I can’t be that ugly obsession that steals away joy and free will. I see it every day with the men and their women.”

Her words ring true. “But that’s not us.”

“Isn’t it? You guys have been programmed to protect me. Hell, my name is Baby Girl. You feel slightly responsible for me and I get that. You’re older and we’ve been best friends for so long, it’s second nature.” She sighs. “Thing is, I’m twenty-six now and I’ve made my choices in life. In the future, I’ll be making more. Some, you may not agree with.”

“What does that mean, Cora?”

“I can’t tell you what I don’t know. I’m still getting my head together and figuring s**t out. I need to know you’ll back me no matter what.”

I didn’t like the sound of this, but I don’t want to alienate her. “Of course, Cora.”

She studies me carefully and nods her head. She doesn’t believe me one-hundred percent, but it’s a start.

Danny

I’m f*****g up. I see it in the eyes of some of the members. They think I don’t know what I’m doing. They’re right, but I can’t let them see that. I don’t know how to unite the two halves of this group. My father always made it look so easy. My hand trembles. I can’t show weakness. I walk over to the bar. “Crystal.”

The petite dark haired girl with large brown eyes looks up at me. “Yeah, P?”

“I need a shot of whiskey on the rocks.”

“Whatever you need, P.” 

I don’t miss the suggestion in her eyes and her voice, I simply choose to ignore it. I have all the woman I need in Rowan and Cora. Cora. I feel like I haven’t seen her the entire month I’ve been here. Every day, a different problem arises that needs to be fixed and another argument over the direction of this club pops off. f**k, I’m just trying to let us heal before we run off halfcocked and end up with more dead. None of us could handle that. Our families need to feel secure again, before we go charging into something dangerous. Tempers need to cool and plans need to be made. They know this. I think it’s just easier to direct their anger, concerns and fears on to me.

Crystal sets down the drink and I throw it back. It burns its way down my throat and settles in my belly. “Refill,” I growl.

She hits me again and I gulp it down. Warmth spreads in my belly. It’s not enough. I haven’t smoked weed in years, but I’m seriously considering it. Anything to take this edge off.

“You okay, P?”

Brains voice interrupts my self-hate session. “Yeah, I’m good.”

He arches a salt and pepper brow and pulls on his mostly grey beard. “I can’t say that I believe you son. You want to talk?”

I mull it over. It’s the last thing I would do and the first thing a good P would do. Your VP is your lifeline. He keeps your head on straight, knows your demons and does the work you would only give to the person you trust most. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

“Come on. Let’s go play a game of pool.” Brain gestures to the back and pats my back.

I move from my stool and follow him like a baby duck. He’s been guiding me for so long, it’s practically second nature.

“Clear the room fuckers. P and I are going to have some down time,” Brain barks.

The prospects scramble all over themselves to get out of the way.

I snicker

A few minutes later, we’re starting a game and the partition between the game room and the main room is closed.

“What’s on your mind, son.”

“No one is happy, Brain.”

“Well, duh. They’ve taken a huge hit and s**t’s changing. Truth be told, we’re creatures of habit. We don’t like change, or being forced into doing things we don’t want to.” He shrugs.

“Yeah, but I know they think I’m f*****g this up.”

“Do you?”

I sigh. “Well, yeah.”

“Listen boy. You got thrown into this blind. I know you’re fighting to swim, instead of sink. You’re not doing bad. They’re just projecting their bullshit onto you. It’s why the crown is a heavy ass item to wear. You keep showing them you’re in control and they’ll fall down. There’s a reason we got rules. Blood for blood and punishments for stepping out of line. You need to throw your weight around, then you do it.”

I shake my head. “We were never like that.”

“Cause Rule let us all know right away he wasn’t’ to be trifled with. It’s just growing pains.”

“f**k. How can you be so sure? I’m not cut out for this. I’m a patch and we both know it.”

“You can do it. You just happen to not want to.”

“Bullshit.”

“Hmm.”

His noncommittal response sticks in my craw. I grit my teeth to keep from flying off the handle. He doesn’t’ deserve this. He’s only trying to help me.

“Listen. You want to step down any time soon. I suggest you start pressing on your brother. He’s had enough time to do whatever the f**k he needed to do. Things are fraying here for him. He leaves it too much longer, he’s not going to like what he comes home to.”

“Yeah.” I hear what Brain is saying, but I balk at the thought of rushing Dallas. Seeing him like this is hard and I owe him. He spent his whole life looking after me and bearing the brunt of our father’s surliness and obsession with creating the perfect rider. If he needs time, that’s what he’s going to get. “It can hold for a while longer.”

Brain shakes his head. “Stubborn ass Wessons. Now, are we gonna actually play or just keep flapping our gums?”

I smirk. The talk is over and I’m feeling better about things. If Dallas could shoulder the weight for all these years, I can do it for a few more months. Brain and I began to play and I let the rest linger in the back of my head. I made a few halfhearted attempts to contact Dallas when he left, but now it’s been nothing but quiet between us. It’s time I fix that.

We end the game, twenty minutes later and I walk out of the club. Rowan is off doing something girly with Cora and R. I smile. I’m glad they got things patched up between them. Incredible s*x aside, Baby Girl would always have a special place in our hearts. Thinking about the bond we all share makes me feel guilty. Dallas would expect me to be taking care of Cora. I’ve barley seen her. I pull my phone out of my pocket, find out their location and head toward them.