Always

Ramble On

Ramble On

Rowan

“Hey Cora, what’s going on?” I ask, happy to hear from her.

“Remember when I asked you if you had my back?”

“Yes.” I frown and walk away from the bar to the area out front to escape the noise from the party.

“Well, I hope you meant it.”

“Are you driving right now?”

“Yeah, that’s why I called. I’m going to take a break for awhile.”

“Wait—what? No, Cora.” My mouth goes dry and my stomach twists itself into knots. “I don’t want to lose you too.”

“You’re not losing me. I’m just taking a breather. I’m calling to give you the address, but it comes with an explicit set of instructions.”

“What’s going on?”

“I’m sure Dallas will be blowing you up soon. If he wants to make this right, he’s going to have to work for it this time.”

“What did you do?” I ask, proud and worried out of my mind at the same time.

“I left him a message. You guys wanted him back? I’m delivering”

“And where will you be?” I shift my weight, wondering if I should get the boys involved or let this ride.

“On a farm, communing with nature.”

“b***h please, I’m serious.” I snicker.

“So am I, hooker. Houdini’s parents own a farm.”

“f**k me, someone is going to die. Please tell me you aren’t f*****g blues eyes.”

“Gross. No he’s like my brother.”

“So was Danny, at one point.”

“Bad example.” She sighs. “Seriously though, we’re staying with his sister. I need to be away from this, Ro. I’m close to losing my s**t and calling it quits. The pressure, the rules, the way I’m tossed aside like I’m a place holder destined to forever hang around, waiting like a little bitch.”

“You were never a little b***h,” I whisper, wanting to soothe her. In many ways, she’s been sleeping for a long time. We both have. The men spend a lot of time keeping us out of what’s going on. Now, that it has blown up in everyone’s face, we have to deal. I think of Danny and sigh. The wear and tear on him has him passed out in his bedroom. I’d been chatting up the bartender, Pinky. With her hair the same hue as her name and a wicked sense of humor, I enjoy spending time with her.

“No, but I was.” She laughs. “An i***t. I thought because we were in love I needed to hang in here, take it, let it work itself out. Who said love was some magical fix-all? No one with common sense, that’s for sure.”

The anguish in her voice pains me, and I wish I could wrap my arms around her and hold her close. “It was a different time, Cora. We were like the golden children.”

“Not for a long time, Ro.”

“I know Baby Girl, but habits are hard to break.”

“Yeah.”

My phone beeps. “He’s calling now, should I answer?”

“No, let that motherfucker sweat it out.”

“You’re kind of sexy when your being ruthless,” I say to hide the anxiety spiking. Dallas unhinged is horrible, and with Cora and R gone—it’s going to be ramped up. She’s sending drama our way, but I know she needs this time, so I keep my mouth shut. “So, tell me this brilliant plan of yours.”

“When he gets back, give him this address.”

“You aren’t worried about him killing your magical friend?”

She laughs. “No, let me handle that. We need this time away from everything together. I realize that now. He’s always been s**t when alone with his memories.” She sighed. “If we’re going down, it’s going to be fighting.”

“Thank God. I didn’t think you were going to even try, Cora.”

“I didn’t want to. But R deserves better and so does this new baby in my belly.”

“What?”

She laughs. “Yeah, and you think you’re surprised.”

The words make my head spin. Another Wesson is going to be brought into the fold. It’s a happy event in lieu of all the tragedy. “Congratulations, my friend.

“Thanks—I think.” Her voice wavers “I’m terrified. I don’t know how this is going to work, when every time I look at him, all I see is pain.”

“We had so much more good than that, though Cora. You just need to remember that. It’s time for you and Dallas to get your s**t together. Danny and I had our time away, this is yours.”

“You understand,” Cora says.

“The feeling that you’re drowning? That all you need is a minute to breathe and figure out who the f**k you truly are outside of Wesson and all the s**t that comes with it.” The way I feel now.

“Yes, that’s it exactly.”

“Run, Baby Girl and prepare because he’s going to come at you like a bull.”

“I know. I’m ready. This is make or break it time, Ro.”

“I understand,” I whisper. Dallas has taken her through the wringer. I shouldn’t be surprised she’s talking in finalities, but the two of them were like freaking peas in carrots. They just went together.

“Good, make sure he does. I’ll text you the address. I love you Ro. Thank you for this.”

“I love you too, Cora. I’m only allowing you the same time we had.” I just pray we can hold out that long.

“I’ll be in touch.” She hangs up.

When the line goes dead, I know things are about to get worse before they get better. I return Dallas’ phone call.

“Ro.”

“Long time no talk.”

“Don’t f**k with me. What the hell is Cora up to?” His voice is frantic.

A nasty part of me wants to f**k with him. He made the wheels grind to a halt and now, we’re all falling under the weight.

“Rowan!” he barks.

“She gave you her message.”

“Don’t f**k with me.”

“Don’t take your bullshit out on me. If you hadn’t left you wouldn’t be in this position. Get home safe and we’ll talk.”

“At least tell me she and R are safe.”

His voice broke my heart. “Of course, they are. You know she’d never risk hurting him.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.”  

“Why did you leave us like that, Dal?” I whisper.

“I thought I knew, but lately—I been asking myself the same question. I forgot what was important, Ro. I f****d it all up and now, I might’ve ruined the one thing in my life, I got right.”

His words lessen my anger. “It’s not ruined. It’s just on shaky ground.”

“s**t, she’s that pissed.”

“She’s hurt. Did you think you could just keep leaving when she needs you most and she’d be fine with it?” I sigh. “You never stop and think about s**t Dallas. You’re all reaction and instant response. You’ve always been that way. You got to get this s**t out of your head and your soul, before it ruins everything good in your life. The past has its hooks in you deep.”

“I don’t know if I can. I ran to get away from it, but it lives inside me. I don’t want it to spread to them. They both deserve better.”

I want to tell him he’s not Rule, but I know it’s not my place. “If it hasn’t so far, why would it now?”

“Don’t you know the older you get, the more you become like your parent? And look at me about to step up into his shoes.”

“Oh, get off the pity train, Dallas. We’re all dealing with the bad s**t and the fall out. You should be here with us.” I dare him to deny it.

“Maybe. Look, I’m going to get back on the road. It’ll take me two days to get back.”

“Be safe you asshole.”

Dallas snickers. “Yeah.” He hangs up.

I clutch the phone tight in my hand, praying Cora knows what she’s doing and this can be fixed. The four of us are a carefully constructed balancing out and it has become quite clear, we don’t function as well when we’re separated. I turn to look at the club. I need to tell Danny. The thought of waking him feels me with guilt. Things are changing yet again, and he’s going to have to hang on a bit longer. I’m not sure what’s going on with the club, but I know it’s breaking him down. He’s afraid of f*****g things up by making the wrong decisions. I can hear him mumbling about it in his sleep. He’s drinking more and more, while getting rough around the edges. Get her fast and hash this s**t out, Dal. We’re all depending on you more than you know.  

Danny

I open my eyes and I know instantly there’s no way I’m not going to get back to sleep. We’re talking about the payback. The subject makes me wary. I don’t think we can afford to start a war. I love my Dad, but I think his death was blowback. We were doing a hit and he got caught in the crossfire. It’s the way of things. True revenge would be finding the person who delivered the shot and bleeding them. No one else see’s it that way. At lease they’ve agreed to wait a few more months. Rowan is snuggled against my side. But even her warmth isn’t enough to bring my comfort. I need something stronger for that.

I ease out of bed, careful not to wake her. She’s watching me like a hawk lately. It tightens the noose around my neck a little more. I run my hands through my hair, yank on my boots and lace them loosely. I can hear the party outside. It’s wound down, but still going and I need to be a part of something that’ll take my mind off everything.

“P!” The cries greet me as I walk down the hall.

It’s a rush. I can see why some people live and die for it. I nod my head and make a beeline for the bar, ignoring the whores trying to catch my eye.

Crystals is working. She smiles at me as I take a seat. “The usual?”

“Think I need something stronger.”

She bites her full bottom lip and studies me carefully. “I’ve got something to help you relax, if you don’t mind a little recreational fun.”

“I’m game.”

A smile curves her lips upward. “Meet me out back?”

I nod. The last thing I need is people to see me leaving with her. I’d never do Rowan dirty like that. I let time pass before I get up and bum a cigarette from a prospect. I’m smart enough to cover my tracks. I’ve seen too many people get caught up in my lifetime to not know how to play the game. I head out back.

Crystal is leaned against the back wall in the shade. I walk over and she offers me a small joint. “This should hit the spot. It always calms me down when I need a stress reliever.”

I take the hand rolled cigarette from her. Breathing the smoke deep, I hold it for a minute before I exhale. The green is potent and ten minutes later, I’m in a state of bliss. Suddenly, all the pressing s**t doesn’t matter. I glance down at Crystal.

She laughs. “Yeah, you’re feeling it. I can tell.”

“What?” I ask.

“You look chill. I haven’t see you like this in a long time,” she says.

“Yeah, s**t has been a little complex recently.”

“I can imagine it would be.” Crystal nods her head. “You ever need a friend I’m here.”

I know I’m high as a kite because I smile and nod back, instead of telling her to step off.

Crystal is pretty cool, honestly. She’s not a w***e, just someone who works for us. She used to bartend in a popular bar, then dad scooped her up. Made her sign some paper work and put her on the payroll. She was worth every penny and didn’t make the old ladies feel threatened, because she had a legitimate job.

“I’m going to head back in now. Gotta earn my check.” She tamps the hand rolled cigarette against the wall, slips it into her small purse and makes her way back outside. I lean against the wall and close my eyes, enjoying the buzz. The door swings open and I look up lazily.

“Where the f**k is my woman?”

My eyes go wide at the sight of Dallas standing in front of me. There are circles under his eyes. He has a full grown beard and I almost didn’t recognize him. I wipe my eyes and blink. What the f**k was in that weed.

“Danny.” His voice is terse and full of smoke and gravel. “What the f**k—are you high?”

I nod dumbly.

“Just perfect!”

“Are you really here right now?”

“You want me to lay your ass out to prove it?”

I shake my head. It’s Dallas all right. “What? Where—?”

“Where the hell is Ro?”

“Sleeping.”

“Well, let’s wake her ass up.” He shakes his head, turns on his heels and stomps away.

I follow behind him, feeling like a child again. Ro is going to be irritated. I snuck off in the middle of the night and got high. Not that she owns me, but any man knows, a pissed of woman will make your life hell. It’ll hurt her that I didn’t wake her. I take a few deep breaths.

Dallas pushes the door open and it bangs against the wall.

Rowan jumps up in bed and turns to the door, struggling to surface from sleep. “What the f**k?” she croaks out.

“Where’s Cora?” Dallas growls. He’s almost feral. His eyes are slits, his chest is heaving and there’s a wildness in his voice I’ve never heard before.

“Nowhere you’re going tonight. s**t, look at you.” Rowan rubs her eyes and tosses the sheets away from her. “You think stalking her down, throwing her over your shoulder like a cave man and forcing her back here is going to fix what’s broken?”

“You think you know something about us? You don’t. It’s not the same as the f*****g prince charming s**t you have with my brother. We both know it. Let’s not act like that’s changed. Cora and I let you play with us, but that doesn’t mean you know a damn thing. You always had it easy. The golden couple who got to hide in their books. I’ve had my hands in the dirt, blood and s**t that keeps this club going from the time I was a f*****g teen. You have no clue what memories live in my brain. But Cora does. You think you can live in the belly of the beast and not become a monster? Cora’s bore the brunt of female lead. It was expected for us to eventually step up. You know how much pressure that is? Why do you think everyone constantly flocked to Cora? Spilling their guts like she was a f*****g priest? That s**t’s in her head now and taking its toll. You think she’s just running from me?” Dallas throws his head back and gives a dead laugh.

I stare at him and the sound of it chills me to the bone.

“No, she wants out of this life, this club and unless I break through to her and convince her differently, she will leave. So tell me, how the f**k am I suppose to do that when I’m not even sure what I think about Wesson?”  

His words strangle me. Is this how he’s felt all this time? He’s not wrong, but it hurts to hear it from his lips. I meet Rowan’s gaze, and see the same pain reflected. How did we miss this? Did they do such a good job of pretending that we never knew? You knew. A little voice spoke inside me. You were too busy being grateful it wasn’t you to really care. This is the payback for your ignorance. What you and Rowan deserve for leaving the two people you claim to love most, shouldering the weight. The high flees and my chest aches. I rub my sternum and take a deep breath.

“Nothing to say now, Irish?” Dallas sneers. “I want to know where my family is. They’re the only reason I came back to this s**t. “

I see the presidency stretch out before me and my mind blanks.

“I’ll give you the address, just—take the night to rest and get yourself together,” Rowan whispers.

“Fine.” He snaps. She rattles off the address and he’s gone.

“Danny?” Rowan whispers.

I meet her curious gaze. “Nothing’s ever going to be the same again, is it? I don’t know if he’s coming back, Ro. Now that I’ve seen him, I can’t keep lying to myself. It’s not a one more week type of situation.”

“You don’t have to do this. We can leave, go anywhere. You can step down from the throne.”

I shake my head and go over and grip her arms. “We owe them this.” I swallow down the bile and clear my throat. “I’m not going to be the weakling he thinks I am.” I square my shoulders. My father’s legacy will not die with him and I refuse to let down the brother who sacrificed so much for me over the years. You don’t always get to pick the path you take in life. Sometimes, you’re born into something far bigger than yourself. I’m ready to put my s**t aside and step up.

I have no clue what’s going to happen in the future. But I know for now, Wesson is my responsibility. The only way it’ll be taken over by someone who isn’t Dallas, is over my dead body. “

The Story Continues in

Wesson Rebel M.C. Book 2: Forever