Always

Never Let me Go

Never Let me Go

Rowan

I open my eyes, reach for Danny and find his side of the bed cold. I’m not surprised. He’s always been an early riser. But given everything that’s going on, I’m worried. He never said s**t last night. He spent himself in my arms. My p***y gives a delicious twinge at the memory. I loved it, but it does nothing to clear the air. I push up into a sitting position and sigh. This is the worst case scenario. Danny “Sampson” Wesson at the helm of a ship he never wanted to command. I scrub my face with my hands and swing my legs over the side of the bed. We’re healing now, regrouping and planning. For the millionth time, I curse Wesson and their rules. I won’t know s**t until we’re suddenly thrust into a lockdown.

I understand the rules for the whores. They don’t need to know s**t, but Wesson women, the old ladies, we can hold our water. They say it’s to keep us safe, but that’s bullshit. There’s no such thing as honor among thieves’. Other MC’s give a f**k about the women not knowing anything. They want to hurt you, so they go for your heart. Irritated as f**k, I huff, blowing the hair out of my eyes. It’s going to be like dating a spy. The times of sharing everything were over. He would live two lives, the one with the club and the one with me. I bow my head. This isn’t what I wanted, or what we promised each other. He always told me I came first, Wesson rules be damned. Now, it will all change.

Past

“What are you hesitating for, Ro? We’ve been together since we were fifteen. I’m patched now and it’s time to make you my Old Lady.” Danny’s brow furrows and his eye glaze over with confusion.

“You don’t get it.” I stand from his bed and walk toward the door.

His hands wraps around my bicep, and he yanks me back. “So, explain it to me, Rowan.” His voice has an edge and his eyes are narrowed.

“The patch changes everything. You’re not a free agent anymore. They’re going to come first and secrets are going to start building up between us.” I shake my head. “I don’t know if I can do that with you.”

He gives me shake. “What the hell are you talking about? This is how it goes and you know it.”

“I know, I know and I understand. But I love us how we are, I don’t want to change. I can’t sit back and watch this disintegrate. I’d rather make a clean break.”

“Are you out of your f*****g mind little girl?” He charges forward like a moose.

I break away in a zig-zag pattern. I can’t let him catch me because I know he’ll remind me of all the reasons why I should stay. The thought of watching him grow hard and distant is too much. I’ll break—shatter into a million pieces. He’s my first love. A strong, loyal, sweet man. Different from any other member I know.

They’ll steal that away from him, suck out his innocence and replace it with obedience, turning him into another soldier in the Wesson army. His father is the P and they’ve always expected more of him. I’ve seen what that’s done to his old brother, Dallas. That poor man never had a chance at normal. He lives in a state of confliction that’s tearing him in two right before our eyes. The boozer and the women he’s running through, like he has a death wish have nothing to do with the club lifestyle. 

I won’t watch Danny become that.

He snatches me up around the waist.  “Calm the f**k down, Rowan!”

I struggle, then flinch at the harsh tone. He never talks like that to anyone, let alone me.

“You thought what? You’d drop your bombshell and walk out while I sit here like a p***y? This isn’t a f*****g soap opera.” He flings me onto the bed.

The breath leaves my lungs in a rush.

“Now, sit your ass down and start explaining.” He crosses his arms over his massive chest. His jaw is clenched and his nostrils are flaring.

Now, for the first time, I’m actually intimidated by his large frame. “What’s there to say?”

“Everything. Why this scares you so much.” His gaze softens. “You’re not a runner Ro, so why start now.”

“Self-preservation. I can’t watch you lose yourself in this.”

“Who says I will?” He shakes his head. “You and I have always been different. Why would that change now?”

“Because that’s what being a patched member does. Look at Dallas. You’re not just another member, Rule is your father. Being the Pres’ son—?”

“No. Don’t you put that on me. My father and Dallas’ issues are their own. It’s a monster made between the both of them and they feed it until it’s grown ravenous and fat. It consumes Dallas. But that was never me. I never gave a s**t about pleasing the man, because I think it’s impossible.” He shakes his head. “You really think I’d forget what we’ve built together, Ro?” He kneels in front of the bed and takes my hands. “Together, we have made a safe place where Wesson isn’t allowed to enter. When I come home to you, I leave all that s**t outside. You are my heart. I will never let anything come before you. Will I always be able to tell you everything I’ve done? No. But you’re used to that. We can do this.”

“Danny…” My voice cracks.

“Don’t leave me alone in the darkness Ro, you’re my light. You always have been. I can’t do this and remain the man you love…without you.”

His word wounds me. I can’t contribute to his fall.

“I promise you Ro. You will always be my top priority. Whatever I have to do to keep you, to keep this will be done.” His eyes are glossy with unshed tears.

Right now, he’s so raw and honest I know he means it. Danny is a man of his word, always has been. I’m choking on unshed tears, fear and uncertainty. I’m shaking so hard, I feel like my bones are going to break away. If I commit to this—there’s no out for me.

“Rowan?” His eyes are pleading with me.

The sight of this strong man brought to his knees by the thought of my departure is the slap to the face I need. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” I drop my head and stare at our hands joined in my lap.

He frames my face with his hands and lifts my head to meet his gaze. “We are forever Rowan. I said that s**t when we were sixteen when I made you mine for the first time and I meant it.” He moves forward slowly and captures my lips. “Forever.”

The whispered words send a shiver down my spine. He nibbles my bottom lip and flicks the sensitive area with his tongue, coaxing me to engage. He breaches my lip and captures my tongue—and I’m lost. I give in to the inevitable. Danny Wesson and I are forever. Even if I walked away, no one else could ever hold my heart the way he does, or understand who I am beneath all the layers I wrap around me to protect myself.

He spreads my legs wide and my skirt rides up to my waist. He trails his fingers over my panties, rubbing my swelling c**t through the soft material. There are no words, only our gazes holding each other, our bodies feeling and the repairing of the connection that lives between us.

My heart is thudding in my chest like I’ve run a marathon.

He pushes my panties aside and circles my entrance.

I clutch at his thick, blunt fingers with my p***y, craving more. My energy has shifted and I’m aching to burn it off.

Pulling away, he grabs the sides of my underwear and rolls them down. I lift my hips to help.  He brings the black material to his nose and inhales deep, humming his approval. Heat engulfs me from the tip of my ears to the bottom of my feet—this man sets me ablaze.

Even with his size, Danny is graceful. I watch his muscles flex as he strips down and comes to me with his thick d**k in his hand. He strokes it from root to tip and my mouth waters with the urge to taste the milky beads of liquid trailing down his mushroom shaped head. He gives a slight shake of his head. He wants to be inside me now and I want it too—badly.

We’ve weathered another storm together and I need to reconnect, to feel that closeness only he can provide me. I crawl back on the bed and he follows. His fingers grip my hips and he drives home. My walls wrap around him and I’m full. I grip his shoulders as we move together. He’s slow and thorough, grinding his hips into mine as he bottoms out over and over, making this sweet climb to the top. My toes curl into the bed and I match him stroke for stroke. Sweat rolls down between the valley of my breasts. I wrap my legs around his waist and he moans. His back is slick and his skin is hot to the touch.

Our eyes never stray as we communicate on the most basic level.

Sparks of pleasure began to erupt. My walls tighten and the pressure reaches its peak. I convulse.

He cries out moments later, filling me with all he has to give. He collapses on top of me, taking the most of his weight on his forearms.

I welcome the weight.

“What are we, Rowan,” he whispers.

“Forever.”

“And don’t you ever forget it baby.”

Present

The memory draws tears. I stumble out of bed to the bathroom. I don’t want him to see me like this. He has enough on his plate. It’s time to put my wants on a shelf. Wesson has taken control, like it always does sooner or later. This life is all I know, but sometimes…I hate it. Beneath the spray of the shower, I let my tears fall as I mourn for Rule who is now gone, what could’ve been and what might never be. Dallas look ravaged when he rode away and deep down, I’m terrified he’s never going to come back. The devastation his leaving forever would bring is horrifying.

How long can Danny keep the crown? What will it do to him? There are plenty of people who want to be on top. They’re lurking in the background waiting for him to f**k up. My mind goes to Scar. It already takes a firm hand to keep him in line. What happens if Danny can’t? Then what? Last thing we need is a bloodthirsty asshole on the loose, unchecked. We have enough to deal with. The blowback from Rolling Bones has yet to trickle down and the boys already want to ride back out to avenge, Rule. It’s a turbulent time and for once, I’m not sure how Wesson is going to weather.

My thoughts return to my best friend. I haven’t had a chance to see where her head is right now. That robo s**t she pulled yesterday was bullshit, but I let it slide, because Danny needed me more. Now, her ass is about to be in the hot seat. With my mind focused on something I can actually help with, I finish up my shower. I then put on a pair of blue jeans and white tank top. I slip on a pair of flip flops, grab my wallet and phone, then walk outside to find the club looking like a ghost town. Must be in Church. I nod at the prospect milling around and head outside. The sunshine feels good on my skin. I narrow my eyes blinking as I adjust to the drastic change in lighting. The air is lighter is out here and I hurry to my truck, eager to get away from the clubhouse.

I pull up in front the house that used to be home and a sense of unease settles in. I climb out and walk over to the door, almost hesitant to use my key to enter. The awkwardness makes me wince. I should’ve called her more and kept up with her. College had been an escape. We forgot about Wesson for a while, pretended to be normal, did the s**t normal twenty year olds did, and distanced ourselves. In that process, we’d lost something. I place the key in the lock and push the front door open. Everything looks the same on the surface, but there’s an emptiness as if the soul of the home has fled.

Tiny feet pound across the pavement with Cora right behind. I see the hope in her brown eyes when they round the corner.

“Wo!” R waves his chubby arms and barrels into my legs.

I bend down and pat his back. “Hey buddy.”

He’s grown so big since we’ve gone. When you’re talking infant to toddlers, six months is a lifetime. He went from this tiny bundle of cuteness who nuzzled at you to a little man. We’d done face time, Skype and the occasional visits. But I wasn’t prepared for the miniature Dallas standing in front of me. His dark brown hair is a faux hawk and his eyes are large innocent looking green orbs. I don’t think I can remember his father’s ever looking like that.

“Hey,” Cora says.

Her lackluster greeting makes me frown.  “Hi. I came to see how you were doing.”

R releases my legs and toddles back down the hallway to the playroom. We follow him at a slower pace.

“I’m fine. We’re fine.”

“Really? Is that why you can’t even look at me?”

“What do you want me to say, Ro?” She shrugs.

“Whatever you want as long as you don’t keep everything bottled up.”

“Why? You want me to spill my guts and fall to pieces…for what?” Her voice is hushed as we watch R play on the other side of the room. “It serves no purpose Ro. I’m not going to keep doing this. I shouldn’t have let him back inside the last time. That was on me. There won’t be a next time.” She narrows her eyes at the last part.

I could swear ice forms over her heart. “Cora, you don’t have to decide anything now. Give yourself time to process everything. A lot’s happened.”

She turns to stare at me and shakes her head. “He made a promise to me and he f*****g broke it. You wanted to know what he did to get through to me the last time after—Dad…” She trails off and shakes her head, taking a moment to gather herself. “…After the attack.” She blinks and swallows. “He promised me he’d never leave me like that again. Now tell me, what the f**k did he just do, and where is he? Not here, that’s for f*****g sure.”

The words snap the puzzles pieces together. Jesus s**t, he’d f****d up royally. An image in my head of the Titanic hitting an iceberg rose in my mind. He might’ve sunk the unsinkable ship. “Cora.”

“Don’t.” She raises her hand. “There’s nothing you can say, so please don’t feed me any bullshit lines.”

I close my mouth and drop it, because she’s right. “Have you heard from him?”

She sighs. “Yes, he crashed in a hotel last night, he’s alive and that’s all.”

“Did you text him back?”

“And say what? He needed to leave and I need to be silent. At least until I figure out the right words to say.”

I hesitate. I don’t like this. “If he’s reaching out.”

“I should what? Hop on the next plane and drag him back home?” She snorts. “We both know he doesn’t do a damn thing he doesn’t want to, not even for me.”

“That’s not true—”

“Rowan, you haven’t been here full time for almost a year. Things have changed. Did you see how he talked to me like I was no better than a w***e the other night? You think that’s the first time he’s done it? Stress levels have been high and it’s brought out the worst in damn near everyone.”

“Why is this the first I’m hearing about it then, Cora! I’m your best friend.”

“Exactly, baby.” Her voice gentles and she cups my face, touching me for the first time since Dallas left. “You deserved that life up there. The peace, the normal and the time alone with Danny. I wasn’t going to ruin that with my drama. You guys have protected me for far too long.”

“We love you,” I whisper.

She brushes her lips over mine. “And I love you too, but this bird has flown the nest.” She smiles. “It was long overdue.”

She’s right, I know it. But on the heels of so much loss, the new reality feels devastating.

There’s a knock on the door. Her arms drop to her side and she frowns. “I’ll be right back. I wasn’t expecting any company.” She opens the door. “Hey, what are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting to you.”

“I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

I recognize Houdini’s voice instantly. My shoulders tense.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”

That’s my girl. Call him on his bullshit.

“Someone should.”

Who the f**k does this guy think he is?”

“Save your lines for someone else Casanova,” she said. Her voice sounds lighter.

The change in  her tone is like a knife twisting in my gut. The Nomad did this, when even Danny and I couldn’t. We’d been usurped buy a pair of brilliant blue eyes, black hair and an angular facial structure. He’s lean, wiry and quiet—and I didn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.

“Besides, I’m fine. Ro’s here and we’re getting caught up on everything. Thank you for thinking about me though.”

“I’ll always be here when you need me.”

“You’re sweet H.”

My teeth ache from the sugar going down in the other room. Dallas brother, you better get your s**t into gear and come claim her properly before we’re all f****d.

Danny

My head is full with the different paths the brothers want to take. We’ve been going back and forth for days and I’ve digested it stoically, never agreeing or disagreeing with either side. I don’t want to split this club in half. We’ve been through enough s**t. Another blow might make us self destruct. The council got shuffled around like a deck of cards and Brain is now Vice President, thank God. Reaper stepped in and took his spot as Secretary.

“Well?”Scar snarls.

I tilt my head, tired of his disrespect. “I understand that this club has been through some s**t and it’s going to take a minute for you to get used to me as P. But if your shady ass throws one more ounce of contempt or disrespect we’re going to take a walk outside and then when I’m done f*****g you up, we’re going to talk about your cut. ‘Cause the rules say you follow your President’s lead. If you can’t get down with me at the wheel, then maybe you need to step down.” 

“You trying to kick me out? You step up as P and you want to throw your weight around?”

“No, I want to let you know I’m not going to deal with your bullshit tantrums. You want to come and me and try to take the crown? You think you could do a better job? That you know better than the brothers who voted me in? Then, maybe you need to be someone else. Nomad is an easy enough title to hand down.”

Scar’s jaw is ticking, and his muscles are jacked.

I stare him down and silently will him to come at me across the table. Booting him out would give me one less issue to attend and set the bar at the same time. I don’t like loose cannons. I never have.

He gives a quick shake of his head.

Oh boy, you openly challenged me, then you think a weak ass head shake is going to fix this. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

Reaper smirks and Brain snickers.

“I said no P. I got no problems with you.”

“Let’s keep it that way. We got enough s**t coming at us right now. We can’t be coming apart at the f*****g seams.” I shake my head. “I been sitting back listening to you for the past few days and not saying anything. Mostly, because I want to know where each of you stand and why. Secondly, I value your advice. My father trusted each and every one of you implicitly or you wouldn’t be in this room. I’ve listened to the others and what they think and I have a couple schools of thought. Number one priority right now…Tightening the ranks, watching for an attack and sending a shout out to our sister chapters. I want them at the ready. I know you want to get back for Dad. Believe me, no one wants that s**t more than me.” I clench my jaw. “But he himself, would tell you it’s too soon after the fact and we need to weigh the risks. Right now, they’re on high alert and not letting anyone new in. We lost the advantage of intel. For now, we need to wait and stabilize.” My piece said, I lean back and turn to Brain.

“I think the P is right. We’re all a little f****d up in the head. It ain’t the right headspace to be in when we’re going to war. It’ll cost us more lives we can’t stand to lose.” He shakes his head. “I reached my quota for burials this year. I don’t know about anyone else.”

Reaper grunts his approval.

“What about Dallas?” Scar asks.

I flinch. “You know as well as I do, he needed to get his s**t together. I’m wearing this patch until he comes back and takes my place. We all know he should be the one here.”

“How are we supposed to believe he’ll be reliable?” Scar snaps back.

I’m out of the chair and flying across the table before I realize what I’m doing. My fists connects with his jaw with a sickening crack.

His chair tips and he hits the floor hard. Dazed he lays still, blinking rapidly as he moans.

I push off the table and stand up, meeting everyone’s gaze. “Anyone else got something to say about my brother?”

They all shake their heads.

I nod. “That’s my decision. Now gets some bitches, booze and bodies in this play. We’re in the business of living and it’s time we remember that. This place has been silent for far too long.”

A rumble of agreement spreads through the group and we all stand, then they file out.

I lag behind feeling the crush of the pressure as the noose around my neck tightens. Dallas, you need to get your ass back here. I have no clue what I’m doing. I put on my game face and follow them out, a fraud trying to fill up overly large shoes.