Claiming Kate

Episode 7

One thing I've learned from that experience is that men have the power to completely break you. They get in your head and you can't think straight or focus on anything. After Damian and Maverick both left, my parents took me home. I was heartbroken and mad at myself. I felt like my life was completely over.

All Damian asked for was loyalty and honesty, and I failed him. To make matters worse, my pack was fighting rogues that night. I found out later that the guys all had their blocks up because rogues were invading the territory and they had a witch with them.

The witch must have been an earth witch. Trees were being uprooted and thrown at our guys as they were trying to fight the rogues. Four of our pack members died that night. I was f*****g my mate and my pack members were dying. I should have been out there fighting with them. I'll never forgive myself for being so stupid and weak.

I should have been able to fight the bond. I'm not that girl. I don't throw myself at men. The worse part is, the guys said they tried to link me several times. My block must have been up, even though I dont remember putting it up. I wanted Damian to get me out of there. I never would have blocked him out.

I spent the next couple of weeks by myself. I couldn't bare to face anyone. I felt like a complete failure. I let everyone down. The guys gave me my space for awhile. After a couple of weeks, Kain and Gavin came over to check on me. They sat with me and let me cry my eyes out all night.

I was so upset trying to talk to them about everything that I even threw up on Kain. He forgave me, and I was glad they were there. It made me feel a little better knowing that they didn't hate me for what I did. I'm a warrior. I should have been out there fighting beside my pack. Instead, I was cheating on my boyfriend with an arrogant asshole.

If it wasn't for the mate bond, I never would have given Maverick a second look. I still don't understand why I couldn't fight it harder. I should never have let him touch me. I felt like I had no control over my own body.

There's only one thing that I don't regret about that night. My amazing baby girl wouldn't be here if it never happened. I found out I was pregnant about a month after that party. I was petrified at first. I didn't know what to do. I hadn't talked to Maverick since that night, and to be honest, I didn't want to.

I decided it didn't matter. I was going to raise her on my own. I could be her mom and dad. We didn't need him, or any man. All men do is distract you anyway. I picked myself up and started moving on with my life, but I tried to avoid Damian at all costs. I felt the sting of the pain and the guilt every time I saw him.

I was so scared of what Damian and the guys were going to think. I kept my pregnancy to myself for awhile. That plan failed miserably. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did.

We had a family of bear shifters that were trying to join our pack. They were kicked out of their clan and needed a safe place to live. Alpha Joe wasn't sure if he trusted them.

He called a meeting with all the ranked members and top warriors. Which meant I had to go. Joe wanted us to split up into teams. Some of us would go and investigate their clan and see if their stories matched. The rest of us would watch over the bear family.

I wanted to be part of the team to watch the bear family as it was less dangerous. They all looked at me like I was crazy. I needed to be with the fighters in the bear clan in case something went wrong.

That's when I had to admit to everyone, including Damian, that I couldn't shift. They put me on the spot. It didn't matter how badly I wanted to sink in my chair and disappear. I had to tell them. I could feel Damian's eyes on me as everyone waited for me to explain, but I couldn't look at him. I looked straight at Alpha Joe and simply said, "I'm pregnant."

I got a lot of different reactions from people. Some of them were shocked, some were concerned, and some of them just wanted to know where my mate was. There was only one person in that room that I cared about at that moment.

He didn't say anything. I heard his chair slide against the floor, and my heart started racing. Waiting for his reaction, even if it was bad, I needed to hear something from him.

He just got up and walked out. He didn't say anything. He didn't look back. Nothing, he just left. I knew I had hurt him all over again, and it killed me. I lost control and started crying in front of everyone. I ended up going home and crying the rest of the night.

My tears weren't for my pain, they were for his. I hurt him in the worst ways, and there was nothing I could do to take it back. An apology wouldn't do anything. I had to live with the guilt, and I knew he would never trust me again.

After that, Damian started taking whatever missions the council would send him on. He didn't want to be here, and I know it was because of me. He would leave for months at a time, and only come home for a few days to a week. Then he would leave again. I cant blame him. I'm still mad at myself too, but I can't run from the guilt.

I would find myself getting angry with him for not staying here. He was running from a pain that wasn't going to go away. For awhile I felt like I needed him to face me. I needed him to yell at me, to say something, but he never did. He just kept running, and I kept living without him.

"That's why I'm so mad at myself for last night. How can I cause him so much pain, and then just jump back into his bed? We have barely talked in almost two years. I can't risk putting myself in a position to hurt him again. This is why I've sworn off all men. I have Arabella to think about now. I cant let him get back in my head."

"Well, by the sounds of it, it wasn't your head he was in last night."

"OMG Siah, after everything I just told you, that's what you comment on." I put my head in my hands and shook my head.

Siah laughed, "I couldn't help it. I think your rubbing off on me."

"I don't know what to do. Damian and I have barely talked outside of pack business. We have never even had a conversation about that night. How do I even bring it up? Should I bring it up? The last thing I want to do is bring up bad memories, but he's Kain's Gamma now. He can't run anymore. At some point we have to talk about this."

"Maybe it's a fresh start for the two of you. I don't know Damian that well, but I know he's a good guy. After all, he saved me. I would probably be dead by now if it wasn't for him. I was a stranger. I meant nothing to him, and he risked his life to save me. After everything you have told me, I don't think he's the type to walk away and never forgive someone."

Siah is right. He's one of the most forgiving people I know, but I don't deserve to be forgiven.

"I know. It's been a long time, but a lot has changed. I don't even know if he could ever accept Arabella, and she will always come first to me. He has held her and played with her a little at the Alpha house, but it's completely different when your raising a child. I know he would never hurt her, but I don't know if he would want another man's child."

"I think you should give him another chance. He obviously loves you," Siah said with a smile.

"Correction, he used to love me. I don't know how he feels now. We shared one amazing night together. We're not claiming each other yet."

"Aren't you the one that was pushing me to give in to Kain. You wanted us to mate and claim each other because you knew it would make us complete. You deserve to be happy, Kate. You can't punish yourself forever because you messed up one night."

I smiled at Siah, "look at you talking like a true Luna already. I know I deserve to be happy, but I cant forgive myself yet, and I'm petrified that I will hurt him again."

I thought about everything for a minute as I got up and refilled our coffees.

"I never want to see hurt like that on anyone's face again, especially not Damian's. I don't deserve him. You have to remember, maverick never rejected me. What if he finds us? I couldn't resist the mate bond the first time I met him. I don't want to know what would happen if I ever saw him again. I can't risk hurting Damian again."