Finally,Home

Chapter 1:Florida

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Finally, Home

Julia Ruth D. Albesa

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Prologue

Memories, they say that short term memory can hold activities, experiences and memories just for a short period of time, then suddenly, you will forget about it. While long term memories can store memories from the past. They said that when the brain ages, we started to forget things. Well, in my case I can say that I totally lost control of it. My memory is messed up by some kind of trauma. Somehow, it makes me strong but most of the time, it became my weakness. It became my fear and I don’t ever want to look back because it is hard to take back what we have already said, what our mouth opens for. It is hard to change what we have already done. It is scary what we might do, that we are not able to forget it. But it is harder if you don’t even know what they said that you have done that made them turn their backs away from you. The pain wont easily go away, it will scar you to the bones. Until, you have nothing left to do but to accept it, to take responsibility to something that you don’t know.

This time, I know that I was wrong, that this is my fault. I messed up so hard that I don’t even know if I can even accept myself. So, I have to go back were all of it started, that’s what they said, where they said my fear, nightmares and anxiety started. I never really wanted to, but I have to know for myself if I still can take back the memories I have lost. I have to know myself. I am Deborah Zhyn Peterson and this is my story, my journey and I am hoping that you can cope up with my messy life.

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Chapter One

I am now on my way to Alachua, Florida. I have been travelling for almost four hours and another two here in this old fashion bus. My Mom do not want me anymore, she do not want see me going near to my siblings, they hate me that much this time. Mom said that I should learn to live my own life now since I am getting older now and I should learn to appreciate everything and everyone that surrounds so that maybe, just maybe I can find a hope in this life. I know that she said that for my own sake, but it feels that, I am like a cat and thrown away by my family, my owner as if I do not have a right to explain or even to talk, like I do not have a life. This is just so great.

I only brought few of my things, I didn’t bring all my stuff because I do not know how long am I gonna stay here. I don’t even know if my own father still recognizes me. I put my headphones on out of my frustration and plugged it hard in my ears and play my music on. I have been staring outside for almost two hours and my eyes started to get dizzy. I do appreciate the blue sky which is turning to pale orange now, sign that its already dusk. I love the dancing grass in the meadows that is blown by the wind that makes it like a water in the sea right now. It is so peaceful here in this town, I can say that because I don’t see much house here. I love it but I am starting to become irritated when my ass started to get hurt. I’m sitting for how many effin hours.

Few more minutes passed by, the bus stops. The passengers are in a hurry to go out. Maybe because it is getting darker now. I also made my way to go out quickly so that I could find someone to bring me to my

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father’s address. How long does it take to make me go back here? I can’t believe that times like this would even happen, it never cross in my mind.

“Excuse me Sir, I just wanted to ask if maybe you know someone here who can bring me to this address?”

I asked the man who is standing beside me. He is wearing loose grey pants, and a black coat with a hat on his head. Maybe he is waiting for someone. I show him my dad’s calling card with his address in it. He takes a look at it then he points his finger to the young lady across the road. “Thank you, sir.”

The young lady sales fresh milk, but it is weird that she sells fresh milk in this late in the evening. Maybe that is how hard her life is. She is wearing a dirty white floral dress and her hazel brown hair is tied in a very messy bun. All I can see in her eyes is tiredness. I buy four bottles of milk before I ask her the same question.

“I know someone who can, my father can bring you there. I will just call him! Just wait for a while Miss!”

She ran as fast as she can until I do not see her anymore. While waiting, I took my chance to make an observation of the surroundings. I can see that it is a small town and maybe they did not able to see a stranger like me here in this place before, maybe that is the reason why they are staring at me like I am a kind of criminal. I cannot remember even a street here, I am sixteen when my parents separated and when they bring us on Malibu, Miami. My memories is already fading or maybe I shouldn't have force my self to remember anymore, maybe it's not meant to be. I keep myself busy looking at the establishment so that I will not think too much again. The establishment here is the smaller version of those in the city, it's great, at least I can go some where here. It is also not that hard to copy the people's way of dressing. They are wearing their simplest dress and the men are wearing a simple coat or a sweater. and they do not have that much accent, so I think I can cope up easily here.

When I noticed that the sky is getting darker and darker because it's already six in the evening. I started to panic, what if she didn't found her father?

in case that I did not find someone to bring me there, it will take me forever before I got there. I don’t even know the place and I am not familiar here anymore, I am already twenty-five now, its been eight years. How I wish that I asked my mom if she can arrange something so that I could easily find a place to stay.

After ten minutes, the young lady came back with a big and white haired man. He must be his father, he didn't know a thing.

“Sorry for keeping you waiting. My father will take you there, but Miss, it will take a hundred dollars, if it's just not that far we can offer you a cheaper ride. But we can see that you are new here, if you did not grab our offer, maybe you can have someone tomorrow, if you find any luck. Because nobody dares to go to that location specially at night.”

The young lady said. I quickly nod before they change their minds. In the city, a couple of bucks wont hurt, but here? Well, I don’t even have any choice, I don’t want to sleep in the streets especially now that it’s getting colder and darker. The breeze is changing. I only wear sweater, if I know that it's too cold here at night, I should have bring my coat.

“Oh sure, your offer’s good, I will take it. I don't really have a choice anyway.” I said and he pointed the old car. I rushed inside and the young lady bid a farewell to his father.

“May I ask, what do you mean that nobody dares to go to that location?”

“You can see that when were at the address.”

He only said. And he didn’t talk anymore. I can see that people here doesn’t talk too much or just because I'm a total stranger.

It’s been two and a half hours when we left the main road and I almost fell a sleep until I hear a big thud. I look at the window and I almost cannot see anything but there’s an old lamp post in the sideways that makes me see somehow the surroundings. Its too dark and bushy here, it seems like I am in a horror movie that someone might appear in front of me anytime. Is this really the address? Maybe there’s a mistake? But base on his expression, he's pretty sure and confident that we're on the right track.

“I know what you’re thinking young lady, but this is really the place, I've been living here my whole life, now you understand why no one wanted to bring you here. Especially like this time and it seems like it’s going to rain. It's good that you're able to find my daughter, actually we're about to go home when she calls me ”

He said but I did not reply anymore because we already stop in a very big, old mansion. I hurriedly go out of the vehicle and take my stuffs, he is right, thunder started to roar. I pay him and we both say our goodbyes. I carry my bags and remove my head phones. Gosh, I am really scared about this. Is this really where my father lives? I walk straight to the old and dusty wooden porch, I am about to knock when suddenly the door open together with the lights. Because of fear and surprise, I fell on the floor together with my things. Its good that I didn’t break the milks glass. Ouch.

“Is that you Deb? I can't believe it! You're actually here! You came back!”

A very low and cold voice excitedly said. I recognize where that voice came from when he turned on the other lights. I barely recognize my dad. He is to shaggy, his beard is too thick that I cannot recognize him. He is taller and bigger than I ever imagined. He helped me got up and look at me. “Its already late and it's too cold. Come in before you catch a cold.”

As I enter his house, I can only see a gloomy aura everywhere, everything is messy, dark, dusty and this house really didn’t smell so good. it's like no one's living here. The chandelier might also fall anytime. What did you do Dad? is this really how worse you are right now?

“I’m sorry, your mother did not tell me that you are coming tonight. She just said that you're coming but didn't tell me when. I just go out when I heard the arriving vehicle. Well, are you hungry? I can cook for you, what do you want?”

he asked, but I just shook my head and I still can’t believe that I will be living here from now on.

“Maybe you’re tired. Let’s go to your old room, I didn’t touch anything there since you and your mother left.”

I just nod because I can’t even remember anything, I feel like my memories is been erased. The door is squeaking every time we take a step. He open the last room and I can see my old stuff here, well, I think he maintain to clean this room. At least.

“Thank you, dad, you can take a rest know, lets just talk tomorrow. Thank you again."

I said and he just nod and shut the door. I remove my coat, shoes and put my bag on the floor before I go to bed. I hope that I can cope up easily in this place. I have to be good in here so I can go back there. But, do I still even have something to look back or to go back on? how great is this life!

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I was awaken by the cold morning breeze, it’s already bright outside, the sun is up but the cold breeze is still the same, I can hear someone moving downstairs. I check my room if theres still a bathroom, and thank God! Its clean and smells so good. Everything is arranged too. I take a bath and wear only my denim pants and plain white shirt. I let my long light brown hair down so that it can dry. I put sun block on my face because I know that it will be a hot and tiring day for me. I also put a small amount of lip stick so that I can have color somehow on my face. I go down stairs and search where the kitchen is. I can’t find my dad anywhere, so, when I found the kitchen, I decided to make some breakfast for us. I look to his fridge and all I can see is bacon and egg and some orange juice. Oh gosh! This mansion really need lot of changes. I cannot stand living in a house like this. We will die because of starvation if we stay like this!

“Oh, you’re awake, sorry I didn’t make any breakfast, I’ve been busy outside.”

He said and sit. I am already done when he arrives so I prepare the table.

“Oh , how I miss being served.”

“What are you going to do today dad?” I ask and sit in front of him. I also started eating because my stomach is really rambling inside because I didn’t eat dinner. I noticed that my dad have a long scar on his right arm. I wanted to ask but its too early to act like we really know each other.

“Well, I’ll be going into the market and get some groceries, I'm sorry if you used the kitchen like that. I'm not a good cook so I often eat at the main town. Now that I know you can cook, I decided to have some groceries, you can also give me a list if you needed anything or you can come so that I can show you around if you want.”

He said after drinking his orange juice.

“That’s great. But I cant go today, I was more concern at this house. Is it okay if I make changes here? This mansion really looks like a haunted house you know and it is really creepy.”

I said and he just laugh while nodding to what I’ve said.

" “Wait for me, I’ll go get pen and paper.”

I ran quickly to my room when I noticed that something changes in the position of my things. Everything is scattered. Well, maybe it’s just the wind. I list down all things I need, even the materials that I am going to use cleaning this old house, I also wanted to change the wall papers and paint the house so that it will not look like a haunted house.

After ten minutes, I go back to the kitchen and he is ready to go out. Maybe he eats so fast. I'm not even eating half of my food. I gave him the list and follow him outside. Now that the sun is up, I can see clearly now how garbage is this house. Everything is on the ground. This land is so huge, there's a three different barn house and four silos. He even have a big garage with different farm trucks and machineries. Still, this house is dull and boring.

He said his goodbyes and ride his truck. I lock the door and finish my food, after eating my breakfast, I started looking for anything I can use to fix this house. I will start at the third floor. I found something in the kitchen so I go upstairs and remove all the curtains, I open the window so that sunlight and fresh air can come in and the dust can come out. I throw everything that seems a garbage to me and clear the whole first room. I sweep the floor then I mop it as I am waiting for the floor to dry, I put all the curtains in washing machine. This mansion is really huge, the floor tiles is really good, it just needed to be wipe. One by one, I return all the things that I put outside the room and make changes, it so good to see it clean. I clean the four rooms in the third floor. After two hours I’m done cleaning all the rooms. I am now cleaning the ground floor when dad arrived. It's already one in the afternoon and I'm not eating lunch yet because theres nothing in the fridge He put everything in the kitchen, he also take out some food from one of my favourite fast food restaurant. I ran towards him and I excitedly open each paper bag like a child. I wonder why does mom says that dad never ran out of money. Well, being here for hours makes me know why, he have this big mansion, a big farm and huge land, it's impossible that he is poor. You need lots of money to sustain this farm.

He bought too much food stock and he completely bought everything that I have listed. I'm surprised, shopping doesn't suit his appearance.

I unpacked everything and arrange it. I'm about to dispose the garbage when I forgot something in the kitchen, suddenly I am really shocked that everything I arranged is now a mess. I look for my dad and asks him.

"Dad, did you touch the stocks that I arranged?" He said. I found him in the garage cleaning some farm machine. It made me think. Is dad really making fun of me? It's the second time that someone touches my things.

"Huh? I didn't go to the kitchen yet. Why? " He said and he stops what's he's doing and look at me. This house really creeps me out.

"Oh, maybe there's just a rat. I'll go back and clean the house." I said and go back inside. What a big rat it is to carry everything. Damn, maybe I'm just too tired. I just finished cleaning the house when I decided to take a shower and have a good sleep. I am trying to relax and all I can here is the ticking of the clock.

"Deb.....where are you? I know you know that I can find you wherever you are, so stop hiding or else, everyone will die!"

"Deb! Wake up! Deborah!" And my dad's worried face register in my eyes. I swear I'm sweating too much.