LOVE ME A LITTLE MORE (M×M)

~13~

"I did it! The meeting went successful. The deal's finally ours!" I said happily as soon as I walked in Mr. Hudson's office and an amused smile formed on his face as he comically nodded his head, gesturing towards the chair in front of him. He was silently asking me to sit down.

"That's very pleasant to here, Mr. Roosevelt. And it's even more pleasant to see you here finally. Please take your seat." He said as gently as he always did and his voice messed with my insides.

Today he was dressed in a light blue color shirt and grey dress pants. He didn't had any overcoat today which actually astounded me. He always wore a suit. Because everytime I saw him, he was always in a suit, no matter where I had seen him and how many times.

He was the most beautiful man I had ever come across. I found him more attractive than any other person. His brown eyes were like a magnetic pools, ready to pull me towards him. Like a neverending abyss.

"I'm sorry for the outburst." I said, rubbing my neck in embarrassment and he laughed softly, waving his left hand in air dismissively.

"You should be never sorry for being happy, Mr. Roosevelt. It's actually very refreshing to see you smiling. You made my day a bit more better than it was with your smile." He said softly, very slowly, almost like he wanted his words to sleep inside my bones, to my soul.

I didn't knew what to answer so I just simply smiled. His brown eyes were focused on me. Like a sharp dagger, it pierced down my soul. Like he could read me like an open book. But there has been instances where he had read me like an open book. My fear wasn't for nothing.

"I can feel your euphoria, Mr. Roosevelt. But can you please put your emotions into words? How do you feel? Like in general? I want to hear how you feel?" He instructed me, pulling out his drawer as he removed a few printed papers. He handed me a couple of them and I looked down at them in confusion.

"You want me to write down how I feel?" I asked him, raising my brows and he chuckled silently, shaking his head.

"No, Mr. Roosevelt. I first want you to write down how you feel and then tell me about it later. Honestly. And once you're done writing, I also want to hear you voicing your emotions." I opened my mouth to protest. My eyebrows were pulled together in annoyance and embarrassment.

"That's ridiculous, Mr. Hudson! You want me to write an essay about my emotions. We're not in fifth grade, Mr. Hudson! That's embarrassing!" His eyes narrowed infinitesimally. His smile faltered for a second and something really stern overtook his face.

And as soon as his smile faltered, it regained his face, almost as quick. Like he was never stern. This sudden whim in him scared me a bit. How easily and efficiently he masked his emotions and gained back his calmness scared me even more.

"Anything you do to heal yourself can never be embarrassing, Mr. Roosevelt. And under my therapy, you will do as I say. Sometimes we must do what's needed and not what we want. And one day, you will agree with me, Mr. Roosevelt." Mr. Hudson said to me and I bit my lips.

I was here for the therapy. To heal myself and I can't heal unless and until I don't do what's needed. I need to follow Mr. Hudson's advice. I pressed my lips, nodding my head, like an obedient child.

"I don't like being stern, Mr. Roosevelt but sometimes you don't understand what's need to be done. Are we on the same page right now, Mr. Roosevelt?" He asked me, this time his tone was more gentle, unlike the sharp tone he had used earlier. I took a deep breath, nodding my head.

"I..... I can try. This is new to me, Mr. Hudson. And I.... I..."

"You fear the change, right?" He completed my unsaid words and I casted my gaze down, nodding my head. I removed my glasses, rubbing my eyes and I heard him sighing. I heard him shifting before a glass of water was kept in front of me.

"Drink, Mr. Roosevelt. I know how anxiety feels like. But trust me, this world feels very beautiful without the anxiety." He said me softly and I took a few sips before sliding the glass of water on the side.

"Have you ever been there where I am right now?" I didn't knew why I asked what I had asked. But I wanted to know.

Mr. Hudson smiled, almost in amusement and I rose my brows at him. He straightened his collars, pointing towards the papers that were lying on the table.

"How about you tell me something in return of knowing about me? I need something in return if you want to know about me." I pursed my lips, looking at him with annoyance.

"I thought you were the good one, Mr. Hudson. But you're the Sire of blackmailers. Anyways, do I need to write my emotions right now? Like just now? Immediately?" I asked him and he smiled, nodding his head.

"That would be great, no? How about you sit on that couch and write about how you're feeling right now? It doesn't have to be anything very precise. Just write whatever you're feeling right now. How does this sound?" He asked me and I reluctantly nodded my head.

I got up from my seat and walked towards the couch kept on the other side of his office and started to think about how I was feeling.

Now that I was thinking, I felt a bunch of emotions. I was happy. And not because my designs got approved. I knew I was happy but I didn't knew the cause. I was sad too. I felt sad. I am always so scared of people that sadness accompanies it.

~~~~

"Are you done?" Mr. Hudson asked me and I looked up at him as I looked down at my papers. Was I really done? Yes, I was done writing. But was I okay with Mr. Hudson reading my mess of emotions? Absolutely not! I smiled uneasily at him, shrugging my shoulders.

"I am done writing. But can you just read this once my session is over? I am sure we are almost done, right? It's almost forty five minutes." I said, looking down at my watch. I have been sitting here for past forty one minutes. Just a minute more. And then we would be done.

"I think you are mistaken, Mr. Roosevelt. We have two continuous slots scheduled for you. So we have another forty five minutes together. And don't worry, if you don't want me to read your write up in front of you, I won't. Please remember, I am not here to make you uncomfortable."

My eyes widened at his words. Two slots? And another forty five minutes! That was a complete torture. Even though seeing Mr. Alderic Hudson wasn't really that hard but speaking about things he wanted me to speak about was.

"But I didn't book two slots, Mr. Hudson. I am sure there's some misunderstanding here. I even have the message. It doesn't mention two slots! In fact, I haven't even paid for the second slot!" I said and he smiled, lowering his face as he shook his head before looking at me.

"It's a complementary session." He said simply, leaning back in his chair and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Complimentary? I didn't knew such things existed in the field of therapies. I thought they were reserved till the diners and their dishes only." I retorted back and he laughed, tilting his head at me.

"With me it does, Mr. Roosevelt's. You'll soon learn about it." He said to me. Even though his face was neutral, I knew he was being smug about it.

"But I won't take this season as a complimentary. I will pay for this session." I said adamantly and he smiled, shaking his head.

"But Mr. Roosevelt, it is complimentary. And you don't pay for services that are complimentary." He said to me, firmly this time and I rolled my eyes at him. For the first time. And he was quick to note it down on his paper and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What are you even noting down? I want to read it!" I said, walking towards his table and his writing speed fastened, spiking up my curiosity even more.

"Hey, sit back down! I have your progress chart prepared, you can collect it from the reception. Okay? But this will stay with me." He said pointing towards the papers he was writing on, making me purse my lips.

"But this paper and the progress chart I'll get from the reception aren't same. Are they?" I asked him threateningly and he smiled.

"The progress report is based on this. It has your behavior traits. About how you behave and react to things. But this can be a bit overwhelming, especially when you are still on the stage of healing. I will give you the progress report that will motivate you, okay? Now please come back to your seat. We should resume our session. Yes?"

I sighed, nodding my head. As I sat down on the chair in front of him and looked at him. His brown eyes were now solely focused on me. He had even kept his pen down and his hands were folded in front of him, on the table.

"So, how are you feeling now?" He asked me the most basic yet the most difficult question of the decade.

"Better than I usually am. I mean, it's not that I'm always depressed or sad. I don't even know if I a victim of depression but most of the time I am overthinking. I.... I try to think how life would've been if I wouldn't have liked guys. It's hard to bottle up emotions, Mr. Hudson. I cry almost every night to sleep because I feel alone. My family is with me and they are supportive yet I don't feel the happiness. I feel lonely. Sad."

He nodded his head. My eyes fell on the tape recorder kept on his table. It was on. And my heart filled with anxiety and he sighed.

"Don't worry, Mr. Roosevelt. None of these conversations will ever go out of this office. I have strict policy of confidentiality. You must not worry about this. It just helps me to make your progress report." He said and I looked at him. His eyes held nothing but sincerity. He sounded so honest that I gave in. I needed to trust people. I have paid him money to listen to him.

"Okay."

"So, are you happy now? Like at this very moment? Or are you feeling a bit sad?" I bit my lips, looking at him as my lips curled up in a faint smile.

"I am not overthinking right now, Mr. Hudson. And I have noticed that only my overthinking makes me sad. So, since I am not overthinking, I am not sad right now. I was happy when I came in your office. And right now I am neutral. I feel calm. Good kind of calm. This sense of tranquility feels good. I need to feel it more often." I said he nodded his head.

"What do you think, why are you not overthinking right now, Mr. Roosevelt? Is it because you're busy in something right now?"

"I am always busy, Mr. Hudson. I usually work overtime to keep myself busy. Deliberately. And my parents think I have work pressure. Not that I don't but most of the time, I always lie to them that I am being forced to work more. But overthinking even follows me there. I don't know what made me not to overthink right now but yeah, it's not because I'm busy. That's for sure."

I said and he smiled, almost knowingly and scribbled something in his paper.

"We'll soon figure it out soon. Don't worry about it. As for now I have some homework for you. I need you to write down about how you feel everyday after you retire from your work. And bring me that papers in our next session, okay?" He said to me and I took a deep breath in, nodding my head.

"Okay, Sir."