Faking It Till Forever

Chapter Five

CHARLOTTE

My ears buzz with so much intensity, my eyes starts to form black dots as I try to tell my brain this isn’t real, I want to move back to my room and pretend this never happened but my feet stays planted on the threshold. Mentally, I’m urging my feet to move but physically I can’t do anything, it’s like my mind and bodies are having a conflict amongst each other.

“f**k, you feel so good” Adrian groans out pounding into her. She makes an unintelligible sound before releasing a moan.

Get out of here now!

I was never one to watch people have s*x. It was never a kink for me. And right now, the little to non-existent food I had is threatening to come out in nasty waves. The moment they both reached their climax, I got my feet back but it was too late, Adrian saw me—the funny thing being him pretending like nothing was happening, like I didn’t just catch him cheating on him. There was no sign of remorse on him, not even a hint of guilt like a child who just stole candy.

I rush out of their room and enter mine, ensuring I locked it before he barges in with his explanation—or I was just in hope he would do just that. I didn’t see him even after clearly hearing his footsteps, it’s like he doesn’t give two f***s to give or care enough to come and apologize, and he simply left the house with his mistress.

My phone vibrates indicating a message from our group chat; I picked up the phone to see what was up in my friend’s life.

VIOLET: Guys, I’m sooo bored. Char must be getting the D, Aria travelled to f*****g New York and Freya must be asleep. I’m sending this so that when you’ve awaken from the dead; you’ll know how horrible you were to your friend.

Even with Vi sarcastic and witty text, I couldn’t smile…I felt—numb.

~~

All this time of dating He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, I thought I knew every single thing about him. From his favorite color—navy, his accomplishment—working for aurora foods, to his favorite food—I think we both established what that is. Turns out all the things I thought I knew about him were a mask he carefully created not be put on the radar.

Now more than ever, do I understand what Vi and Freya have been saying? Not only did he singlehandedly cheat on me, but he also had the audacity to be ranked up to arsehole by leaving me a ticket to economy—yes, economy. Adrian has found a way to bring out the emotion I relentlessly try to keep down—insecurity and fear.

These emotion have never help me in my mental stage, although papa always says `one should embrace emotion no matter how grandeur it may be`. I have never tried to embrace that emotion no matter how much therapy or meditation I do, so for my good and everyone’s own good, I locked it in a very dark and deep place.

But not right now, right now it’s rearing its head back with immense speed and brutality. This morning after I saw the ticket waiting for me on the counter, a call from Vi brought me out of the demons of my thoughts, I couldn’t bring myself to answer, not because they’ll taunt me, but because they were right. Adrian did mold me into something I am not.

During our first year of dating, he was gushing all over me, talking about my hair and whatnot, later on things started to take a turn when I started looking what path to take in for my career. Adrian has been applying to work for aurora foods for ages but he kept getting declined. I don’t know how but he convinced me to apply there even when he knew it wasn’t my passion, he proceeded to manipulate me into thinking I was just simply following in my mums footsteps.

After the plane landed, I prayed to god, Buddha, tanrim, bagwan and every other god there is in this world to please help me and ensure that Adrian isn’t home—another manipulation I cannot explain. I opened the door with my keys to find and empty house.

Oh thank God

I release a short breath of gratitude and head to our bedroom to grab my belongings which are in the luggage, funny how my clothes are always in a luggage because there’s no space to keep my clothing and for once I’m grateful that happened because I do not want to spend another second in this suffocating hell.

The OCD in me screamed when I glance at the living room, I quickly—as quickly as I can be, fix the living room, and then pulling out the sticky note to write to him.

I’ve packed everything, if you see anything that’s mine—burn it, unless it’s pink then throw it out. Have a nice life Adrian *smiley face*

I got out of the building feeling weirdly better; I look at my luggage then fish out my phone, turning it on to find dozens of message from everyone.

Where are you

You’re supposed to be at work by now

I see Adrian but I can’t see you

Are you okay? You coming down with something

I switch back off the phone feeling overwhelmed and trying to think of where to go. I cannot go to papa because he will easily know that something’s wrong, aria is in New York; Freya will probably be busy with a lot of s**t since her client has pulled the mother of all shenanigans.

I walk all the way to Vi`s house, in complete daze of my surrounding. I could’ve easily hailed a cab or request an uber from my phone, but one, I don’t want to turn my phone on, two, I want to feel something—anything apart from this numbness, three, Vi won’t be back until six.

I reached Vi`s house after the sun has set and rang on the doorbell.

“She’s not answering and I even asked—“she opens the door releases a long sigh telling whoever it was that I’m here. “Where have you been? You could’ve at least answered m—“she shuts her mouth probably noticing my detached facial expression before urging me in,

Vi`s house has always been –unique, she loves displaying her personality in it. She claims it’s a warning for people who don’t know her. She has a lot of gothic framed pictures nailed on top of her flat screen TV, kitchen, corridor and bathroom; she has all her dresses designs scattered in the living room even though she has a designated room for that.

“Here” she hands me a cup of chamomile tea, I offer her a smile which comes off as a grimace. “What happened?” she rubs my shoulder before taking a sip of her tea.

“I walked” I couldn’t even recognize my voice.

“You walked?” she flashes me a confused look. I drop my chamomile tea before disclosing what happened in the two day trip we went to fix aurora foods. After I was done she engulfed me in a comforting hug, Vi never hugs because she found it too sentimental and not befitting for her personality so she doesn’t do it but when she does, you feel the empathy and comfort a hundred percent.

I got upstairs to my designated room, all of us have one for each other, I used to too but the moment I moved in with Adrian, there wasn’t enough room for all of us, so we just stuck to the three; Vi, Aria, Freya.

My room was just like how aria decorated it for me back then. Pink wallpapers, pink headboard, pink and white bed set and a pink fluffy rug. I took a shower in my pink bathroom, lied on the bed with a heavy weight.

Everything came crashing down like it just happened again only this time with a huge inexplicable force, and for the first time in three years—I cried, I cried so hard that all the voice and fire I had in me died.