ALL MY HEART WANTS IS YOU

CHAPTER 12 - LONG LOST LOVERS

BRYAN

I watched Sarah as she walked away after telling me to stay away from her and my kids and for a minute I couldn't do anything but stand rcok still and watch her leave, just like that morning eight years ago. No. I couldn't make the same mistake again. What if she left with the kids again? When I hadn't even gotten a chance to properly learn their names. That thought propelled me forward and I followed after her and put a hand on her shoulder when she was A

a few feet away from her car. With my hand on her shoulder, I spun her around to face me and she sucked in a breath which caused me to quickly withdraw my hand and put some distance between us.

"I'm sorry I told Kyle the kids are mine," I started as I held her gaze. I needed her to see the sincerity in my eyes. "It's just, he called and said he'd heard that you were back in town with three kids and he started ranting on about how he would leave town because he wasn't ready to be a father blah blah blah."

I paused for a while before continuing.

"He sounded like he thought you were trying to push the kids on him, like he saw them as burdens, and scold me all you want Sarah, but I couldn't just sit back and allow him go on about you and my kids like that."

I paused and stared into her eyes in the silence. "It was rash and unthoughtful of me. I acted impulsively and I'm sorry Sarah, but I didn't want him to reach out to you and say something stupid. I guess I was just trying to protect you and the kids."

I resisted the urge to hold her arms and I watched her eyes soften a little before becoming hard again.

"Well guess what Bryan?" She started and I almost let out a frustrated sigh. "Your attempts to protect me and the kids absolutely backfired. It turns out, you, Kyle and Emily actually have something in common - you three lack the ability to keep your damned mouth shut! Kyle told Emily and she ruined our family dinner with the announcement less than an hour ago."

She paused again and held my gaze. "Want to know what else she did? She called my kids a bunch of little brats. Look Bryan, I don't need you to protect me or my kids, alright? I've been handling that for years and I've been doing just fine. I believe I can continue to handle it and do a pretty good job at it, without you."

"Sarah - " I started to say but she cut in.

"Please just stay away from my sons and I. I can't say this enough but I'll continue to say it until you understand it; you've not been in our lives for the last eight years and we've been just fine so let's keep it that way, OK?"

She turned to leave but I reached out and held her arms by the side.

"You have to listen to me Sarah," I said with a soft plea in my voice. "I'm very sorry about what happened on that night eight years ago, I really am. I'm also very sorry I haven't been involved in the kids life as much as I should have been. I'm sorry I wasn't even aware of their existence until New Year's eve."

I paused for a while before continuing. "I'm sorry for everything. I can't say that enough but I'm willing to say it every freaking day until you believe it. But please Sarah, give me this chance to make it right. I want to be involved in the lives of my sons so badly."

I wanted to tell her how much I wanted to be involved in hers as well but I couldn't dare. I was scared to hell about Sarah packing up and running out of town again and so, I was going to take it a step at a time. If she allowed me get involved in the lives of the boys, then surely she would let me into hers eventually. I knew there was a high chance that it would take some time for that to happen, but patience had always been a virtue I had. I would wait a hundred years if that was how long it would take for Sarah Robinson to become mine. I held her gaze and searched her eyes anxiously as I wanted to know which way she was leaning towards. Was she considering allowing me to get involved in their lives or was she considering telling me to f**k off and go burn in hell? I could see the conflict in her eyes but I still wasn't sure what she would say when she opened her eyes so I spoke up again.

"Believe me Sarah," I started "I did try to look for you. I searched everywhere. I followed every lead. I employed every resource and channelled all I had into finding you. I hired every and any person who was recommended to me as a private investigator," I paused then went on "I did everything I could. I gave finding you my all but every effort yielded nothing. I even started searching for people with names I thought you could possibly have picked up after dropping Sarah Robinson, but even that line of search yielded nothing."

I paused again and caught her gaze before going on.

"It was like you had just disappeared from the face of the Earth, just gone with the wind and sometimes the unwanted thought that something terrible had happened to you plagued me so much, I thought I'd lose it. You have no idea how happy I am that you're back safe and with my kids. Please don't take them away from me Sarah. I may not have been there all their life but I already feel so drawn and connected to them and it would kill me if you took them away from me again."

She stared up at me and searched my eyes with her sharp green orbs, and it took every bit of self control I had not to let my gaze flicker to her lips because if that happened, I could swear that I'd have her pinned on the side of her car in the next few seconds.

"You sound so sincere," She started to say and I felt my heart leap in my chest.

She actually believed me. I could still make things work between us.

However, I was in for a shock as her next sentence sealed my fate.

"Kyle always sounded so sincere," She grunted. "And I'll be a fool if I don't learn from my lesson."

"I'm not Kyle-" I started to say.

"Yeah, you're just his best friend who f****d me and let me go so easily," She chuckled. "I never want to see you again, Bryan Jones."

I could hear it in her voice - the pain, and deep down, I wondered how much she had endured from Kyle that made her this heartless now.

"Sarah-"

But she was not listening to me anymore. The next minute, she was in her car speeding back in the direction she had come.

I had lost her for good this time.