ALL MY HEART WANTS IS YOU

CHAPTER 9 - A NEW DECISION

SARAH

Denzel and I had managed to keep the boys occupied for the last 3 - 4 hours but now it was almost 4pm and while we were exhausted, they were nowhere near tired. Even my peace loving Oliver had joined his brothers incessant petition that we go out and I was running out of excuses and distractions. I was trying to cook up another excuse when Oscar asked a question that got the words glued to my mouth in a little but firm voice.

"Why do you hate Los Angeles mum?" He asked with his hands folded across his chest as he held my eyes in a steady gaze.

"What?" I spluttered with a small laugh. "Why would you thinking that muppet?" I asked.

"You didn't want to make this trip even though your entire family lives here," Oliver spoke up and I turned to look at him.

"And now you won't even go out. We could have spent the day with your family but we've been holed up in here all day," he said and I watched his little fragile shoulders go up in a shrug and go down again.

Sometimes having smart kids wasn't a blessing. It strangely felt like my little seven year olds had ganged up on me and edged me into a corner. I looked to Denzel for help but he was suddenly so interested in the line patterns on his palm. I scowled before I turned back to my kids who were now lined up in front of me with their arms folded across their chests. I looked from Oscar with his curly brown hair and lips that could easily turn into a mischievous grin, to Oliver with his straight blond hair and usual calm look and finally my eyes settled on Owen with his messy dark hair and eyes that gave away his energetic personality and in all three faces, piercing blue eyes stared back at me. I shut my eyes as I willed away the image of those same blue eyes in a finely structured face framed by short dark hair. I let out a breath then licked my lower lip as I opened my eyes.

"Listen boys, I don't hate Los Angeles," I started then went on. "And of course we could have spent the day with my family," I paused as I quickly searched my brain hard for another reasonable excuse to give my kids who were pretty smart for their age. At last I found one and rushed into it.

"But you know mummy's actually here for work and I was supposed to go for a shoot today. That's why we didn't go out today. We were expecting their call but they never did call," I paused again then went on smoothly, "But don't worry my little darlings," I dragged them into a group hug as I spoke, "Uncle Denzel's going to work out getting a fixed schedule for mummy's shoots, alright? We won't have to stay stuck in here waiting for a call. Right Uncle Denzel?" I finished and looked over at him with a smile and eyes that dared him to leave me hanging again.

"Absolutely," Denzel hurriedly said and tugged on the hand of Owen, who was standing closest to him. "I'm going to fix up your mother's schedule so there'll be no impromptu calls and mummy will be able to make good plans for her free time." He finished and though the boys nodded and retreated, I could tell they just didn't want to push it.

I let out a sigh. What was wrong with me? Hadn't I decided to stop running and hiding away? I was being a coward and I was tired of it because now I was stealing all the fun my kids could be having. On impulse I picked up my phone and dialed a number I hadn't called in years even though I had saved it after changing my number. The person on the other end picked up almost immediately.

"Hello?" my mum's voice sounded hesitant. She had always been that way with unknown numbers.

"Hey mum," I said. "It's Sarah," I paused again as I realized how unfairly I had treated my parents eight years ago. I shouldn't have shut them out the way I did. I changed my numbers and left them no way to contact me. I could spend my life trying to make up for it and still feel guilty about it.

"Sarah?" She asked and I could hear the change in her voice as joy and excitement replaced her initial hesitation. "Oh my God, Sarah, I'm so happy you called. Your dad and I are so sorry about Emily's poor behaviour yesterday. We tried reaching out to apologize but we didn't have your number and we weren't sure where you were staying. We're so sorry Sarah," my mum rambled on and again the guilt for how poorly and wrongly I had treated her and my dad gnawed at me because while she wouldn't say it, I could tell that she was scared that I had left and shut them out again without a word. I looked at my kids and my heart broke; I highly doubted I'd survive it if one day one of them just packed up and left and shut me out without looking back.

"It's fine mum. it's neither you nor dad's fault," I said in a small voice and she went quiet but I could hear the unspoken question in her silence and I rushed to answer that question without actually answering it. "I know it's sudden and will most likely be an inconvenience and I'm sorry but if you don't mind, can the boys, my manager and I head over for the rest of the evening and dinner?" I heard her release a shaky breath at my words.

"Of course you can Tesoro," my mum said using the pet name she had always used for me as a kid. "I'll inform your dad and tell the cook to make the necessary adjustments. It's not sudden and it's not an inconvenience Sarah, just head over already," she finished and I could hear the smile in her tender voice.

"Alright mum, we'll be there as soon as possible," I said and hung up. I shut my eyes to regain my composure. Somehow that phone conversation with my mum had left me feeling emotionally drained and I felt sure again that deciding to stay had been a very good decision. I had a lot to make up for with my parents. I opened my eyes and caught Denzel staring at me with his steady brown eyes. I offered him a small smile to let him know I was OK. Denzel doubled as my manager and the big brother I never had and he was always ready to swoop in and help me at the slightest sign of any inconvenience. He returned my smile with a small and tight one of his and a small nod.

I called out to my kids and gave them the news about us leaving the hotel to spend the evening out, in the next few minutes and though the call had left me feeling emotionally drained, the excited squeal of my kids and the genuine joy on their little faces was enough to clear any doubts or exhaustion I had felt. I followed them as they excitedly showered and changed their clothes. When I had ensured that they were presentable I also took a shower and dressed up. I put on a black crop top over a pair of maroon palazzo pants. Then I packed my full brown curly hair in a ponytail in a way that the curls made my hair appear even more voluminous and beautiful. I put on a little lip gloss which made my lips appear full too and I wore some perfume. With my jewelry in place I looked at my reflection in the mirror and smiled to myself. The maroon really made my green eyes pop and even though I was a mother of three, I still had a perfect figure and a flat belly and could easily rock a crop top. Satisfied with my look, I went out to join Denzel and my kids and we headed out.

Screw Emily. Screw Kyle. Screw Bryan. Screw the hurtful events from eight years ago. I was done running.

Now, I was going to take control of my life and give my kids the holiday they deserved.