Director Cut

I THINK I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU

“You know we are graduating soon, right ?!”

I nodded confused, having no clue of what was happening at that moment. As she wrapped her hands around my neck and pulled me close to her, leaning for a kiss. At that point, I knew exactly what was happening. I wanted to scream, but I just went along with it. I mean, I had wanted to feel her soft and warm lips since I first laid eyes on her. And right there, at that exact moment, all of it was happening, so quickly I did not have any time to process anything. But that exact moment was happening, our lips were colliding, and she was the one who initiated it, she was the one who wanted it.

I pushed my body and all of it away, trying to get a hold of myself, not interfering with our eyes. "You know Lu, I think I am in love with you” She said, so calmly, as if there was nothing wrong about it. It didn’t seem like she was trying to hide anything. She just … went straight up with it.

“I want to be your lover. I want you to take me with you on your adventures, nobody else. I want to spend every sunny, hot summer by your side. To hear your stories before I fall asleep, all of those bad jokes you tell when trying to cheer me up. I want you all to myself. Yes I may sound selfish, but f**k it. I don’t want you with anybody else apart from me. I don’t want you to fall for no one else that is not me. I want to be your one and truly love … I really hope I can be the person that you feel in love with, because you are the one for me.” She screamed. She yelled so loudly that the girls next door probably heard everything.

Burning red, I let my head fall onto her shoulder, hiding how embarrassed I was. “f**k you Lizzie… For real f**k you” I murmured under my breath. “More than welcome,” She replied. Down embarrassed, I started hitting her head. It was the only way to let my frustration out.

“Ouch, that hurts !”

“ I know”

“Then stop”

“No, you deserve it.”

I still was unable to look up to her after all of that. It is not like I did not like what just happened, it was just that I was so happy I did not want her to see it. “I know you are screaming with excitement inside of that little head of yours Lu” I looked at her shocked. “What ?!” I desperately asked her. “Come on ! I know you have the biggest crush on me” After she said that, I just felt down, I just gave up on life. I wanted to just disappear, I was so embarrassed of myself that I felt like the world planned this against me.

I was just lying there on the floor, while Lizzie just stared down at me, probably regretting everything she did, especially with me. “You really are —“ She didn't finish her sentence, all she did was let out a little laugh and sat right beside me.

“Why ?!” I asked her. “What ?” She looked at me concerned, like if she was not expecting a question. “Why did you, Elizabeth Armstrong, kiss me and say you loved me ?” I questioned not only her, but also myself.

Why would a girl like her to kiss … me ?

She sat next to me and stared right into my eyes, right into my soul. “You got that slicked back hair and bottom-up shirt, I have a pretty fancy face with the tiny skirt”-suggested. “What do you just said. It makes no sense” I responded, sounding ironic, but it was true. For me it didn’t make any sense what she just said.

“Exactly”

“What ?”

Lizzie was the type of person who knew they were smart, and knew how to control others. I was totally aware of that, but I always let her control me. And I knew this was another of her tricks. “That is why I love you” That was not what I expected to hear. “Because together we are so wrong, but so right. Together we create chaos. Nothing makes sense, and we just enjoy the moment doing absolutely anything. You could be writing down a hate letter to the teacher and I would be amazed that your handwriting could be sweating while playing tennis, and my eyes will be focused on the way your feet move … What I'm trying to say is that I don’t really know why I love you. But I do. And I never want to stop loving you Lu … Is it really that hard to understand ?” Elizabeth implied. At this point, she was pissed off, tired of repeating that over and over again, and it was my fault, because I could not find a way to accept it.

It was not her, it was me.

How was I supposed to accept love from someone else, when I couldn’t even love myself ?

I sat down and took a deep breath. When I looked back, all I saw was Elizabeth's beautiful body lying down on the floor. I wanted to feel her lips against mine again, place my hands on that curvy waist, run my fingers through her light red hair, which smelled like pensive vanilla.

In the end, she was a royal. I wanted to love royalty.

It finally hinted to me, the courage that I needed finally came into my skin. I turned around and placed myself on top of her, my long hair falling on top of my face, my heart starting to beat faster and faster, my breath getting louder and my whole body shaking.

I was there, on top of the girl I had loved since I was fourteen. “Hey, can you tie my hair ? Is it literally impossible to see anything with this s**t covering my eyes” I asked her. She nodded in silence, and I laid my head down, to the point where it touched her breasts. She grabbed a tie and just as I asked she tied my hair, a little bit too tight, but it was not like I cared.

I slowly lifted up my head, but before I could reach her sigh, she grabbed my face with her cold hands and kissed me one more. Once more she indicated it, but the difference is that, that time, I did not push myself away, but into her.

To not lose balance, I placed my left hand on the floor and the other one started running through her body, from her hair to her waist. As my hand ran along, her back arched more and more, as if I was tickling her, while she just kept kissing me …

What happened after is history …

“Wait ?! So was that the first time you and Lizzie … you know … did it ?!” The young girl asked. “You are seventeen Julie. Why do you say it like it was something weird ?” I asked her. “I don’t know, it's just that … you know what. Let's leave it that way”, she responds.

“Remind me again why I am telling you all of this.”

“For real ?! I told you that like ten times at least”

…

“Remember how I'm making a movie inspired by you and Elizabeth ?! If I'm making a movie based on real events, I need real proof . And you know Lizzie —-“

“She did not want to talk.”

“Typical”

“For real. Not even to you ? I mean, after all, you are her daughter”, I suggest, because I am right.

Lizzie is stubborn and most of the time really annoying, but I don’t get why she won’t support her daughter. Especially when it comes to something this big. The kid is making a movie, A MOVIE. Not every seventeen-year-old kid has the guts to do this, especially a story based on Hollywood's biggest legends … Elizabeth Armstrong and Luciano Soulza.

“Oh yeah, another thing that I forgot to ask” off as she takes some papers off of her back and hands them to me. “ I know this is the part that you don’t like, but we need to discuss it —“

“I don’t want any of the money.”

“WHAT?!”

“You heard me” I say calmly, just how Lizzie used to respond when it came to situations like that.

Julie, confused, tried as hard as she could to convince me. “My idea was to share the fifty percent with you and mom. Twenty-five for each one” She keeps suggesting, but I keep saying no. “Not even one percent ?!” I don’t respond, Julie already knows the answer, she stands up, gets the papers from my hands, walks to the trash and before throwing them away she rips them off into pieces. I let a little giggle out and she looked at me mad. “WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT UH?!” But I can’t handle myself and let my head fall back as I keep laughing. “Come one Luciano!” She screams at me. “Oh my god ! You are an exact copy of your mother. Is it so exact, it is kinda scary” I try to say, but my laugh gets in the way. “I don’t know if I take it as a compliment or an insult.”

“Both is fine”

“LUCIANO!”

“Ok, ok. Let's keep going with the story” as I lay down on the sofa and look at her.

“This is not therapy” bullshit.

“Yeah, yeah. Where were we?” I ask, this time trying to be as serious.

Julie notices it, so she also starts adapting to the environment. She finally sits straight and starts recording.

“So Luciano. Tell me about Elizabeth Armstrong”