Her World

Chapter Three "New Norm."

   After yesterday's events, and the life changing decision on my life. Was it my decision or did I just agree to be his pet? All I know now is the I look forward to seeing my owner again, but will I see him again? I'm waking up now from thinking about these things, the sun has already risen and it's bright outside. Though it is strangely calm, and quiet for this time of the morning. I stretch my limbs and back, while giving out a big yawn, I feel more relaxed then I have been since I can remember. I wonder if it's the medicine stuff the commander gave me that took away all the pain and ailments? For all I know I should be immobile and in terrible pain like after what was done to me. 

   Anyways I might as well let it go and focus on adjusting to this collar, and the ridicule of the people. I get up to tie my sandals on to head down to the creek to collect water for boiling, just as I stand up mother walks out of her sleeping area, and faces me. "What's wrong?" I said looking back at her, "I kept thinking all night long, how of all the humans in the world did the commander choose a small defenseless child who comes from nothing like the rest of us." She says this with mixed emotion, "I don't know what I did, I don't know if this is fortune shining on me or a cruel fate wrapping around my lifeline." Poetically as it sounds I wonder too mother, I want to ask the commander so many questions but he doesn't speak.

   "You're so smart and well spoken, thank goodness I showed you the library for your escapes from this pitiful, mean world, this village."

   "Thank you mother, maybe this collar will be the one thing that keeps me from leading a lonely path."

   "Don't look to them for comfort, it's completely forbidden to see them as equals."

   "I understand the bitter history, but I know there is a chance to see there world in a different light."

   "No! Never! They just took some of our people for their selfishness, they won't see us as equals ever!"

   "Okay mother, I won't talk about this anymore." She just won't understand what I feel and think, that I believe that there can be a bond between us with some kind of understanding, aside from the language barrier.

   "Be careful out there today, everyone has been talking about yesterday."

   "already?"

   "yeah, who knows what people will do to you now that they think they have a pet among us."

   I forgot about that, well I can't be cooped up in here just to hide from the truth. I start walking to the door when mother says, "Wait, this was left on the doorstep for you." Mother hands me a box, I grab it and set it on my bed then I cautiously open it to see that there are food packets, and bottles of juices, and water, along with what ever these small squares are, "Chocolate bar? What does chocolate taste like?" I've read its made artificially and from a cocoa bean, but chocolate hasn't been talked about in many years around here. "My goodness! The commander sent you this care package?" I look at her like an i***t, I forgot pets are treated better than livestock. "I honestly have no words to describe the gratitude I feel right now." I mean look at this amount of food, and the variety. "Well, just remember you are at his command, and his mercy more now then ever before, so stay the good girl that I know you are."

   "Yes mother, and I'm sorry for my anger last night."

   "don't worry about it, I realize that I was never truly there for you, so I hope to change that with the baby."

   "Just don't stress yourself, plus I realize that I need to focus on what I've got going on now."

   "Good, eat some of your food now." With that she got up and left without another word, "Now to try this chocolate!" Eating these new foods is amazing! I will cherish these wonderful smells and tastes, especially since I don't know how long I'll be a pet to the commander. Well I better conserve some of my food in case this is my only food box, as i'm finishing eating one of my food packets I hear some voices outside my window so I stop and listen to what they're saying, "Oh my goodness! What'll it mean for this village if the commander is keeping his pet here!?"

   "I don't know, but it doesn't seem that bad since everyone got their food rations."

   "Are you suggesting that she had something to do with the change in the leaders decisions?"

   "No, but you have to look at the way everything played out yesterday, the commander finds that girl badly beaten by those kids after the leaders show them the conditions of the community. Before that they prepared to leave as if there were no problems with what they were shown."

   "From what I heard from others this morning is that the captain, and the commander didn't care about the conditions of the village and the people before they found her."

   "As I said, I think the commander changed his mind after he found her. That she changed his mind to see the true horrors this community hides from them."

  I didn't do anything, I was just trying to live. But why did the commander take interest in me? I'm sure he sees that everyday where ever he goes. "Why me?" I say quietly as I close up my box and stuff it under my bed, getting back up to go outside to hear what else everyone is saying about me. from experience, me being in anyone's line of sight doesn't end well for me. So I will listen to whatever anyone talks about so I will know who or what to avoid. I step out the doorway with my bucket for my water, then head towards the creek. Walking down the trail, passing by other girls with their mothers, I notice they look at me while passing and whisper something to each other. I don't really pay attention as mother warned me about their knowledge of what happened, how could they not. After a bit of walking I make it to the creek and dip my bucket in the water all while still noticing the glances, and whispers surrounding me, I look up and around to see other women, and girls quickly looking away as they grab their baskets and buckets to quickly leave. "What on earth is everyone looking at me for?" I whisper to myself while filling my bucket, I just need to get back home and boil this for later. The air seems to be getting thicker now and it feels heavy, I pace myself walking back up the trail, avoiding the constant stares of people passing. Finally I make it back to the hut, returning the bucket to the wood stove to boil the water. I stand there playing with my collar wondering if I will get these looks from now on, or will I be tormented more?

   It's now the afternoon, and I'm walking about around the village when I hear someone yell out, "Hey you, girl!" I turn around out of curiosity to see who this guy was talking to, to my dismay I see him pointing at me then yelling again, "Yeah you, the captain is here, and demanded your presence." I nod then follow after him to what looks like the center is where he's headed towards, but why am I needed by the captain? As we get to the center, I see the captain accompanied by lots of soldiers. "Captain," I say as I walk up to him, stopping like ten feet from him. 

   "I was ordered by our commander to see that his companion has the best care, since from what we had gathered by your communities standards of care. Our commander deemed it necessary to do a welfare check on you every week from here on out."

   "I understand," Is all that came out, wow they are intimidating!

   "If you need anything, don't hesitate to make any requests since I will be overlooking your well being."

   "I can't make any such requests, I found it quite generous with the food box."

   "The food box will come everyday, along with anything you request you make so long as you remain the commander's companion."

   "Thank you very much!" What will the cost of all of this be in the end?

   "If you don't have any requests then I will make my departure from here."

   "Okay," I honestly can't think of anything, this is just a lot to process.

   "Good, until next week then," With that the captain turned and left with the soldiers that followed him out the gate.

   I stood there still in shock from the initial encounter, like I was treated like one of there own. "Ugh why didn't they just take her?" Some woman said behind me. "I know right? Now we'll be under their watch because of his pet." Said another woman, I immediately felt all eyes on me. I just turned around and ran towards the crowded huts down the main path, I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone. Thinking of all of their looks of anger, judgement, I guess no one will want to come near me at all now. Is this my new lifestyle now? Is this how people will treat me now? Not like another human, but one of them. Then again I was never treated like a normal human child, I was never cared for. I guess I have to get used to this isolation, my fate is to be introverted.

   Several months have gone by since becoming a pet, I noticed the villagers now avoid me, they no longer stare, or steal glances. When they do see me, they immediately turn the other way and vanish from my sight. Like I'm some sort of bully, or tyrant, though in a strange way I like not being messed with. It's quite refreshing being able to walk around, and be myself. after all of that, I managed to make a spot on our hut to sit, and look up at the sky during the day, or anytime at night. I can eat my snacks, or read a book. Yeah I get books now, it was one of the requests I made to the captain a few months back, so now I have a small library of my own going on. Now the captain brings me a book every week he comes per my request, he seemed surprised at first but agreed. I hope he doesn't feel like I'm a bother compared to his other duties. Well anyway, It will be ten months since I last seen the commander. 

   Four months ago was another harvesting, plus after all the people were forced to eat their food rations by the captain's orders, they took more people to make up for the harvests' poor count before that. It wasn't a pleasing sight considering the people are now forced to care for their bodies, that they no longer have the option to starve themselves purposely to avoid selection. The same went for me, because of the daily food boxes I gained weight to a healthy degree. I feel more energetic, and happy to be able to run around when I want, climb where ever I want. That's one thing I like about not being on anybodies side, no one can say anything to me, or disagree with me. It sounds like I'm spoiled now, but I never had this kind of privilege so it feels great to have some freedom. After a long day of playing around at the creek, I came home to read a book and have a snack on the roof of the hut as the day starts winding down. After a while I put the book down and look at the sky, imagining things out of the clouds floating above, but I hear some people off in the distance making a lot of noise this late in the day. "Meh, they're probably fighting over chickens, or goats again." I said as I laid back down on the roof, closing my eyes while humming a lullaby I read in a book. There's those heavy foot steps again, or is it my imagination, again? I sit up for a second time to look at the pathway leading towards the center, and am met with a huge figure that startles me. I jump back, and look up to see the commander staring down at me too. I don't quite know why but my first reaction to seeing him was to hug him, so I did; I jumped up, leaped towards him then wrapped my arms around him, or barely grabbing onto his sides because he's just that big. His reaction to me was nonchalant, like he didn't mind me holding onto him. I smiled my biggest smile at him, and he just kept staring at me. I don't know why but i'm not afraid of him, like I've known him my entire life; that's how comfortable I am right now. I let go of him and step back, the commander leans forward down towards me. Lifting his arm, and placing it on my head, then he strokes my hair. I guess he's checking in on me after so long, I am important to someone; to him. We stay staring at each other in silence for a while, not a word said but an understanding of our presence to each other. I finally notice the others he's come with, the captain, the soldiers, they're leaving in different directions. Probably to oversee the village while the commander visits me, so I sit back down on the roof, and slightly stoops over to be beside me. I point at the sky, continuing to smile at him, and just talk about the stars as I hand gesture the stars' alignments. The Commander just leans there watching me the whole time until it's sunset with the pink, and purple with orange hues in the sky, I point up excitedly yelling "sky." He looks up too while putting a hand on my head again, pulling me away from looking up to putting my forehead against his, like the first time I met him. We stay like that for a while until the captain, and the soldiers come back. They stay back in silence waiting for the commander, our foreheads still touching, he lets go of my head, and I pull back to look at him as he hands me a bag. I grab it, opening it up and pulling out white fabric, it feels soft. A dress; I stand up to size it to my frame, then look up at him smiling, "Thank you so much, I love it!" With that he turns around and walks back towards the center, the captain and soldiers following him. "I'm putting it on right now!"

   My seventh birthday past a few months ago, I hoped to see him but I guess not for a while. It's another harvest tomorrow, even though it's unusually quiet for the event. It looks like the community is calling it an early night, with fires and candles going out. I follow along, yawning, climbing down from the roof, walking back into the hut to lay down. 

   I hear mother moving around, soon after I hear the door open then close. Ever since that fateful day I have rarely seen mother, she comes back when I fall asleep, and she leaves before I wake. She has taken every route to avoid contact with me, And I believe this distance is the best case scenario since the community takes good care of her, they look out for her, and baby sister. Ever since Tally was born mother makes sure I don't go near her or sister, I haven't seen baby sister, I hear her cries at night, but mother made it clear that I can't see her, or bond with her. I fear that I will be a stranger to her, can parents keep siblings from each other and not feel guilty? I will make sure I'm there for Tally no matter how old she is, how much time has passed. I will show her how much she means to me, along with what other siblings mother brings to the world. I just don't want this community to corrupt Tally's impression of me before I have a chance to be the best big sister I can be.

   Everyone is gathering up for selection again, and again I am alone, the leaders separated me from the kids group. So now I stand alone near the leaders' building, upside to it is I can see everything that goes on. I climb up onto the roof of the building, knowing no one will say anything, or do anything. I look as I hear the gates open, I see them marching forward to the center. Why does it look like a lot more soldiers though? I watch as they all disperse around the groups making sure there are no gaps among the groups. I notice the captain as he walks forward to address the groups, he looks towards my direction, and nods, I don't know how to respond except a small smile in return. He looks back to the crowd and proceeds to raise his voice so everyone hears, "Today will be different, we will take three thousand out of the selection." As soon as he says that people start gasping, some start yelling. The captain continues, "Our Commander has ordered a population reduction to this community in regards of policies not being followed by your appointed leaders ensuring your populations health is put first." I look at the leaders and the looks on their faces is just guilt in it's purest form, did they know this would happen? "Your leaders were ordered to keep track of every residents health on a monthly basis, then report to me. They were informed of the consequences if there were no changes, well there were no changes to half of the residents' poor health." So the leaders were still keeping food from others then. Soldiers begin taking control of the hysteric crowds, while the captain is pointing out the ones being selected to the soldiers. More soldiers come through the gates to take the selected to the ship amid the chaos, so many people are paying for another cost that could've been prevented. The leaders were aware but no one knew this would happen, did they want a reduction? I think about this possibility as the captain throws more orders to the soldiers to control the groups that are trying to break free. I sit on the roof for the remainder of the event until the three thousand was selected and taken away, the soldiers dispersed the groups back to their homes keeping the trails clear of anyone trying to come out. Well I might as well get home too or the captain might get angry me too who knows, I try being sneaky since i'm one of the last ones out. The captain is quite the quiet one despite how loud he can be, like every other week he checks on me I try to converse with him a little but he asks the needed questions then leaves. I'm just part of the job I guess, as I'm wondering this while running home I am suddenly stopped by the captain. 

   "Captain!" I say in a weird high pitched voice, busted being out late.

   "What're you still doing out? I can't risk you disobeying orders."

   "I know, I was going home. I just got caught up watching the soldiers directing the crowds."

   "Go," He gestures passed him for me to leave.

   "Good night captain."

   "Good night." 

   I continue running on home as it quickly gets dark out, I wonder of mother and Tally are home? I get to the door and open it to see no one inside, "I guess she's out for the night." I say as I lay down in bed and try to go to sleep. 

   Another year has past, a lot has changed in the community since that big harvest. They voted on different leaders, and after new leaders to place the community thrived but their personalities stayed the same. I once saw Tally walking, and trying to make words, but mother no longer brings her home. It hurts that I only see Tally during harvesting time, I guess mother is really making it her goal to keep her children separated. To control my emotions, I asked to captain for a journal. He brought one and from there I have expressed all of my feelings, so now I don't wear my thoughts on my shoulders. Unfortunately I still haven't seen the commander, the captain doesn't say much to me still. So now it is just robotic responses when the captain checks on me, because of the distant treatment I stopped asking for things months back.

   To this day I still don't have a name, and I won't give myself a name simply because who would I share it with? The only one I would share it with would've been the commander, but I hardly ever see him, and he doesn't speak; at least to me. This constant isolation caused me to create an imaginary world, one where I have people who are my friends, a family; mother, father, Tally. I question my fathers existence, and that's all I can do with the subject. Mother refused to talk about him, and no one brings him up. I spend most of my days in my imaginary world, not a healthy option for a child, so other days I spend running and climbing everything. I have become quite strong because of this routine, and agile. As time passes, my understanding of this world increases. The flaws, the corruption even after the invasion, the rule different beings have over us. I sit here waiting with this collar on, waiting for what? At this point, I have accepted my fate as one of the ones to be placed in the selection group. "The Commander is scary, and cruel." I say as I think of how he placed this collar on me, like I have no option but to wait for when he wants attention. "I'm just a kid that no one cares about." I say choking on each word with tears uncontrollably running down my cheeks. I quickly wipe away my tears, "I can't be sad, no one will comfort me if I cry." I bring my knees to my chest and put my head down and wrap my arms around my legs, and continue crying. I don't care who's watching, or listening, I just want this loneliness to end. I tried so hard to make a friend, I no longer hold the desire to speak to anyone. I'm slowly losing myself in the real world, and drifting into my imagination so much that when I leave it, I regret making it up because it's like leaving a special life behind. 

   I try my hardest to shake off my sadness, "come on, you can get through this." I say to try and motivate myself to go wash up, and to wash my dress. I head down to the creek, and get my washing done, I 'm dressed now but I still lay in the water just floating. Closed eyes, cold water, feeling the rocks underneath me, the sound of rushing water flowing passed my ears. I get up and walk out of the water, and make my way back home. As I'm walking I play with my collar, "who could I remove it?" I used to be excited thinking when I would see the commander but after these last two years my mind has drifted to a dark place, only thinking about the cruelty, the hurt other people have gone through because of these constant check ups. "It's all my fault people were needlessly targeted." I can't help but think it's my fault, that maybe if I refused this collar that we wouldn't be monitored so profusely. 

   I get home, and go to the roof to sit and think some more. I stare up at the evening sky, so bitter-sweet. I had so much to say to anyone who wanted to listen, but I don't have anyone so I lost my voice. The return of this pressure in my chest, and the need to cough it up to try and relieve this heartache. It's recurrence is so bothersome, I need to find a way to rid myself of these pitiful feelings.

   I'm drawn within myself that I don't hear those familiar footsteps coming closer, and closer. The stepping vibrations pull me from my depths, just as I open my eyes to look at who is disturbing my thinking. I see him, why does it feel like forever since I seen that suit.