You Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 3)

Chapter 32: Garrett

Once Jeannie starts telling me about her date with Gabe and what happened between them, I kind of get the sense that she needs to just let it out, so I do my best to sit and listen quietly. Not only do I want to support her, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about what actually happened. Gabe was tight-lipped about it, which tells me there’s a lot he doesn’t want me to know.

I’m not surprised at all to hear her confess that her grandparents primed her to be suspicious of men, especially charming men. Of course they did. It just sucks for Gabe that he’s developed this false-front persona that is basically what they warned her to stay away from. He likes to present himself as uber-confident, completely in control, charming and charismatic, all warmth and smiles.

And with Jeannie, he gets handsy as well, which probably gives her the impression that he does that with every girl. He doesn’t, but I bet he never bothered to tell her that. It’s no wonder he’s been struggling to get her to warm up to him. I told him he was going about it completely the wrong way.

And how unfortunate for him that they had to start their date off by running into one of his old flings. I warned him about that too. Don’t mess around where you live, that’s what I told him. It’s a large pack, but still a small enough settlement that word gets around, and we’re constantly interacting with the pack. He can’t expect a night of casual s*x not to come back to haunt him eventually, and I kind of always suspected it would be when he finally found his mate that it would happen.

It also sounds like he handled it badly, and though that surprises me to hear, it shouldn’t. He’s never been receptive to people challenging his decisions and how he conducts himself, and he carries around so much guilt and self-loathing that his default response is getting hyper-defensive. I just hoped that he wouldn’t be like that with his mate, especially since he’s struggling to build trust with her.

The part that really gets me, though, is when she tells me, “I tried to call him out on it, and he shot back by telling me that it was ‘easy’ for me because I never had anyone around to misbehave with and couldn’t possibly know what it was like or how I would have reacted in his shoes.”

“He said that?” I can't help asking just to be sure. I’m stunned. And she confirms it.

I know he gets defensive, but even I can’t believe he went there, knowing what this girl has suffered. She was completely alone with not a friend in the world, and I’m shocked that he would call that “easy,” no matter what he’s been going through. She has every right to be mad about how he’s behaved, and she is entitled to some time to work it out and process her emotions.

But coming at her like that isn’t going to do him any favors. I’m not even her mate and I can sense how angry she is about it.

When she goes on to explain how she feels that it takes a certain kind of person to do the things he’s done and treat other people and his own wolf the way he has, I find myself silently nodding my agreement. I’ve always seen it that way too, and the differences between me and Gabe are probably the best illustration of it.

I haven’t spoken much about it over the years, but it’s been hard for me too. I don’t have a mate either, and my shot at a true mate is gone now so I know that I’ll never experience that sort of completeness, even if I do eventually find someone to mate with. But I don’t act out about it. In fact, it has brought Sebastian and I closer together after we've shared so much pain over the years. When I advise Gabe to work with his wolf instead of against him, that doesn’t come from nowhere.

But that doesn’t make him a bad person. It means he’s a person with a lot of room for personal growth. He’s someone who needs to learn to share his burdens with those he cares about, and who needs to figure out how to share his mind and body with his wolf instead of always fighting over it. He’s someone who needs a mate that isn’t afraid to challenge him and help him work through his flaws and insecurities instead of hiding them. He needs Jeannie.

And from what she’s been saying, it’s not that he’s been sleeping around that bothers her the most. It’s how he’s treated Simon, and it’s how he responded to her when she called him out on his behavior. Instead of having a productive conversation with her, he lashed out and went on the defensive.

I can’t say that I blame her for being upset, but the good news for Gabe is that there might still be a chance for him if he can find a way to be real and genuine with her, and let her see his wounds and regrets instead of hiding behind his excuses. And I intend to tell him that.

“So, if I understand correctly, it’s not what he did that upsets you as much as why he did it, and the way he went about telling you,” I ask her after I’ve thought it over for a bit.

She nods her agreement, and then answers, “Yeah, basically. But don’t get me wrong. It does bother me that he’s been with so many women, and so carelessly and callously at that. Having previous relationships is one thing, but just jumping around from fling to fling takes a certain kind of person, and one I’m not sure I want to get involved with. But essentially, that part seems easier to accept and put behind me than the rest. I don’t like how he tried to excuse himself, blame his wolf, and make light of the whole thing as if I should just forgive him because I’m his mate and he wants to move forward from it all now. I mean, am I wrong to be almost offended that he needed me right in front of him to finally give a crap about how I might feel about his lifestyle?”

Okay, yeah. That’s basically the impression I’ve been getting, and those are mostly all fair points that I don’t disagree with. And like I suspected, if this is the core of what she’s feeling, then there’s room for Gabe to bring this around. He still has a chance, if I decide to be his ally in this.

That’s what I really have to think over, so I take the time to consider what I’m going to say next as I collect all our trash and set it aside.

Does he deserve my help? Am I being bitter and petty if I follow my instinct to just agree with everything Jeannie is complaining about and use this opportunity to reinforce the negative impression she seems to have of him, most likely turning her against him? It seems like it might be easy to do, and I can tell she likes me as much as I like her. She even said not long ago that it’s easier to be around me than him.

But yes, that would be wrong, and I know it. If I went that route, I wouldn’t deserve her. He still might because nothing he’s done has been intentional, at least not as far as hurting people goes. He definitely never meant to hurt Jeannie, and tearing her away from her mate might do exactly that, and that would be on me. I need to suck it up and just be what she asked me to be. Her friend. Someone she can talk to.

And my dad must have known that deep down, I was still the sort of guy who does the right thing when it counts because he sent her to me. Though now that I’ve had that thought, all other options are out the window. I need to just be straight with her, the same way I keep telling Gabe to be.

But with all our food wrappers out of the way, I can’t resist the urge to scoot closer and see if she’ll lean on me the way she did yesterday. I think she needs the reassurance, and I’m going to soak in what is probably my last chance to feel that warm, soothing effect she has on Sebastian because after this, I’ll respect Gabe’s wishes and keep away from her.

To my delight, she scoots my way and lets me put an arm around her, leaning into me. I drop my head down to hers, and within seconds that warmth I was hoping for is spreading through me.

I sigh, rubbing her shoulder a little as I prepare myself to tell her everything I feel I need to.

“I hate to have to say this, but it’s the truth, so here it goes,” I begin. “I agree with you that sleeping around was a risky, reckless, selfish decision that was unfair to Simon and maybe even to you, but there is one thing I’ll disagree with you on. It wasn’t unfair to those women.”

I hear her take in a sharp breath at that, and her eyes have gone wide with surprise, but it is the truth, and I know she needs to hear it.

“You may never get Gabe to tell you this part because he hates himself for being so weak, so he’ll agree with you when you tell him that he’s wronged those women. But he really hasn’t. Most of them seek him out because they’re interested in him for all the wrong reasons, and they want to sleep with him even just for a night because it’s exciting, an achievement, and something to brag about. He’s the future Alpha. And not only that, but he’s an Alpha wolf, period. A lot of women just want a chance to see what he’s packing.”

“Packing?” she asks, scrunching her nose with confusion.

“Oh, Jeannie,” I say, laughing at myself. Of course she doesn’t know what I mean by that. “What he’s keeping in his pants. Alphas are said to have the biggest …” I gesture at my own pants, showing her that I mean a length.

She blushes, turning her head away from me, but not before I notice the embarrassed little smile on her face. I clear my throat, preparing to continue, and give her a reassuring squeeze of her shoulder.

“And the girls around the pack love to gossip, so what they say about him probably even exaggerates the truth and encourages others to seek him out. He’s known to be promiscuous and packing,” I smirk at her, delighting in how she gives a short laugh when I say it again, “so he’s an easy target for their lust. Point being, don’t feel bad for them, and he doesn’t owe them anything. He might convince himself that he does, but even I can’t fault him for mostly sticking to the desperate women literally throwing themselves at him rather than seeking out shy, innocent girls whose lives and self-esteem he can ruin in a night.”

She turns her head and looks up at me thoughtfully, considering what I’m telling her.

“So, he’s never done anything like that then?” she wonders, challenging my claim in the only way she can. “And the women all know that it’s just a night of fun and they can’t expect anything more from him?”

“I can’t promise you that because I don’t know about every woman he’s been with or how it’s all happened. I imagine there might be some that are more questionable than others, and maybe there are some women he owes an apology to, but most of them knew what they were in for and sought him out anyway.”

“I see,” she says softly, seeming to mull that over.

That’s probably the most significant thing I’ll be able to say in defense of my brother because she seemed to be pretty upset about how he’s treated women. I don’t really know how to assure her that she’s not just another in a long line of flings, though. I can only hope that since she already knows what a mate means to a werewolf, it will eventually help her come to terms with how she’s special to Gabe, so I move on to explaining parts of it that maybe she doesn’t understand because she can’t relate to it.

“I don’t want you to think that I’m defending or excusing Gabe with what I’m about to say, because I’m not. I agree with you,” I tell her. “But the experience of being a werewolf is something that you haven’t experienced, so I do feel a need to point out a couple things about it. First, that it does get difficult to deal with not having a mate. We’re designed to have a mate, and the urge to seek out that mate is built-in.”

“But sleeping with all kinds of women seems like the opposite of seeking out your mate,” she argues, grimacing the way she does when she talks about his past. It would be cute if it wasn’t so heartbreaking to see how much it affects her.

“I’m not arguing with that because I totally agree,” I assure her. “I’m only pointing out that the urge to be mated and to mate does get unbearable sometimes. I struggle with it too, and I won’t lie and say that I haven’t considered finding someone to work out some angst with for a night here and there.”

“But you haven’t.”

“No, I haven’t,” I confirm for her. “I’ve only been with my mate, and it was years ago, right after we discovered we were mates. I thought I had a chance with her and that we were headed for being officially joined together in the near future. Plus, your true mate is irresistible. Even still to this day, when mine comes around, I have to fight myself and my wolf to keep away from her. I know it would feel good for the short time that I could get lost in the physical sensations of it, even if it would wreck me after.”

I give her shoulder another quick squeeze, sighing with the weight of how much I hate having to say the next part.

“Which is where I can also kind of see where Gabe is coming from, and why I’ve never fought him on it all that much. I don’t agree with it, and I think he could find better ways to cope, but I get it. I know how tough it is. I also see what he’s like afterward. He claims that it’s a relief and it brings him peace, but he hates himself a little more every time that he takes someone to bed. He’s broody for a couple days after, and there’s no cheering him up when he gets like that.”

She gives me a cute little surprised look, raising her eyebrows at me. I also saw a flash of something brighten across her eyes, though it happened so fast that it could also have just been the light shifting as she moved her face.

Since Gabe's reaction to his time spent with other women doesn’t seem to be something she was aware of, and I feel like it’s kind of important that she understands that he holds back a lot more than he ever shows most people and apparently won’t bring up how tortured he gets even to defend himself to his mate, I decide to confess a theory I’ve had about my brother for a long time. He hates talking about it, so it’s nothing more than my own suspicions, but it might help give her some perspective.

“And you know what else? All that fakeness that you’re talking about, the show that he likes to put on? It gets worse every time,” I reveal to her. “I think he hates who he really is and it’s a pretty deliberate thing he’s trying to do to keep you from seeing it. He thinks that the cheerful, charming person is the one people want to see, and so many other women have responded to it that he must feel that there’s little reason to show his real self when he’s trying to win someone over.”

“I’m not those other women,” she says softly, cutting off the rest of what I was going to say.

I honestly cannot decide whether it’s worth continuing what I planned to say. Maybe I’ll come back to it.

“No, but it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks,” I decide to comment playfully instead, attempting to get her to smile again like she was when we first got here.

“That’s an old wives’ tale,” she grumbles. “I’ve taught plenty of tricks to plenty of old dogs, and they love learning them.”

I sigh, frustrated by the thought that just popped into my head, but I should probably share it with her anyway. It might sound stupid, but it also might be what she needs to hear.

“Then maybe that’s why you’ve been paired with Gabe. You’re capable of doing things that most people aren’t. Maybe he needs you to teach him.”

She looks up at me with a complicated expression, part surprise, part frustration, part … hope? It’s hard to say exactly how she’s feeling just from that, but she does sigh and lean against me. I feel some of her tension melt away as we cuddle like that, but she doesn’t say anything more for a bit.

Not until she sits up and starts pulling away from me, situating herself back into her seat as if she’s ready to go.

“I’m guessing you probably need to get back to work soon, and I have some serious thinking to do,” she says, confirming my suspicions. “But thank you, Garrett. You’ve helped so much just by listening and giving me new things to think about, not to mention helping me recognize some of the ways that I was wrong too.”

“You’re more than welcome, Jeannie,” I tell her, swallowing back how much I don’t want to leave here and drive us home to give her back to my brother. “I really do hope you guys can manage to work things out. He’s your fated mate, and you only get one of those.”

“I know,” she agrees softly, turning her face to look out the window.

We don’t talk much on the drive back to the packhouse since she seems to be lost in thought, but I do feel a need to add one last thing before my chance is gone.

“Jeannie, his house,” I begin, noticing out of the corner of my eye how she whips her head around to look at me as if I startled her. “Gabe said when he built it that he wanted it to be a special place that was just for him, his mate, and his family, and you should know that he’s stuck to that. He’s never taken any of those women home with him, and the only people who have been in his house are named Bentley.”

I can tell when I see the soft smile creep across her face that she appreciates knowing that, and I’m glad I thought to share that with her. I guess if I’m going to help my brother win over his mate, I might as well be all in about it.