Fall in love and other problems

Chapter 13: "I am lost...what happened?"

6 months later

   A month ago we turned 18 with my other three brothers, Laura, Santiago and David. We had a party because they and my parents wanted to, although I didn't, so I had to go anyway. Cameron did not write to me again, which did hurt me, but I think that at some point, like deep inside and deep in my heart, I knew that he was not going to do it, I knew that he would not write to me again.

   Since we were children, our parents made us savings accounts that we would have access to when we were 18 years old, they have money and a stable economy so they can afford to do that so well, I also had savings in addition to that so I came to live alone. I was able to buy a small apartment, but since I'm alone it doesn't bother me.

   My parents often insist that they want to "help" me but I still don't understand what they want to help me with. I'm fine, I have my department and I keep going to school, every so often I will visit them or they come here but that's where our relationship is, I guess.

   I often go to illegal races, in which I no longer meet anyone that I know by luck, and I usually win, that's how I get the money to continue subsisting, with which I buy food and things I need. I spend a lot of time at parties and I no longer talk to anyone, although as I said, I still go to high school because I am not a hopeless case as some say and I do not want to waste everything I have done so far, although when I finish I want to get some work and get away from this place and these people.

   The one who was to blame for everything was Chad, that I can assure you a thousand times. Since he arrived it seems that he wanted to ruin me ... and he succeeded. It made my friends believe that I was lying to them for not telling them that I had a boyfriend, which is more than obvious that I didn't have, it led me to a career knowing that my friends and brothers were going to be there, it made me believe things that I didn't they were, he lied to me, and all for what? What did it achieve? He achieved absolutely nothing, he went to live in another city two months or so ago I think, and it is absolutely everything I know about him. I mean, it came, it completely ruined my life and it left.

   I miss my best friend, I miss Cameron like I never missed anyone ... I'm lost, although many times I don't want to admit it, yes, I'm completely lost. I feel lost, I don't know who I am, I don't know what I like, I don't know who my friends are, I don't know what I want to do with my life now or later, I don't know anything at all. I feel bad, everything I do I do it wrong, and I don't even want to try something because I already know that it will go wrong or that I myself will do something to make it go wrong.

   You can't imagine how much I want to tell everyone "I'm sorry", but I don't know exactly what I did wrong. I feel like I disappointed every one of the people I meet but I don't know exactly how, I just know that I notice it in their eyes every time they look at me, with disappointment, sadness, anger. Sometimes the boys try to get close to me but they never do, it's like at the last minute they regret it. I understand, I would not be my friend either and if I could, I would get out of my own life, I understand it unfortunately.

   I cut my hair every so often at the shoulders, I like it that way, black and short, it makes me feel better and maybe a little more self-confident, I don't know why I only know that it is.

Ah but you don't know anything.

   Sarita has not appeared in a long time.

I know, I missed you too. Sometimes you have to make mistakes to know what is right.

   I do not understand.

It is not very important at this time.

   Well.

   Apparently I had like a few days of a supposed depression a few months ago but I already passed them, I had no depression, I was just sad, but no more.

Sometimes it is necessary to be sad, not only sad but happy, uncomfortable, comfortable ... what I mean is that we must never repress what we feel.

   Like love?

Love is what we should least repress, it is the last thing we should reach.

   Look where we got for not having repressed the damn so-called romantic love.

I think it would be the other way around, look where we got because you repressed love and you never told them before.

   If what he said was hypothetically true, he did it too, it wouldn't just be my fault because he could have spoken too.

Yes, but I'm sorry to tell you that consciences still can't go from head to head, from person to person, so I can only tell you what you did and what you didn't.

   I know, there was no need to explain that to me. I mean, why am I only suffering? Since Cameron is most likely in Spain, already with his new friends, a new best friend, probably a girlfriend, and he forgot all of us, or just me… yes, I am very sure that he has already forgotten me. So I ask myself again, why does it have to be only me who suffers? If he missed me, he would have spoken to me

Why? You miss him and you didn't speak to him.

   It's different, because he was the one who left, not me.

Mom: hi daughter

Mom: What are you doing love?

Me: I nothing

Me: Did something happen?

Mom: You can come home,

Mom: There is someone who is waiting for you

Me who???

Mom: Someone daughter, you will know when you arrive

   I grab my bike and go quickly to my ex-house, I need to know who it is. Who can It Be? I also don't understand, why doesn't that person come directly to my house? I could have done that, Mom or Dad would have given him my address and that person would come, how complicated they are.

   I arrive and put the motorcycle in the yard outside, I am not going to put it in the garage because even if I have the keys, I no longer feel it is mine to the house in general so I don't want to. I put the key in the door and mom opens first with a smile, what stung her?

"Hello ma" I greet her with a kiss and she gives me a hug.

"Hello my little one, there is someone who wants to see you" she smiles at me even bigger.

"Who?" I ask and a familiar voice answers me.

"I" I open the door wider and watch as Cameron gets up from the chair with a smile, walks over to where I am and tries to hug me but I run, I slap him away from me and I run more.

   Let's remember, when he left he destroyed me, and now he wants to go back to doing as if nothing had happened? As if I hadn't changed? Like it never left? Was he that person I came here for? He misses me?

   Tears run down my cheeks as if my eyes were a river waterfall, something like that, and I back slowly towards my motorcycle with the luck that they had not yet closed the door. I'm in shock, why did he come back? If he was the one who decided to leave, practically overnight, without telling me anything. I need to run, I need to unload, I need someone to really understand me. I leave the house while I hear that they call me but I don't pay attention to them, and from there I go towards the route, with going to a small town near here I am satisfied.

   How dare he go back like this? My mom, too, how did she do this to me? Why? If you know how I stayed after she left, what I suffered, she knew. They destroyed me among all, each one did their part, lying, hiding, they laughed at me in my own face. I can't believe it, I can swear I can't believe it, I don't understand people anymore.

   I feel bad, for myself, for the bad person I feel and I don't understand why, I don't want to go back to so many unanswered questions.

   I don't see anything anymore, what happened?

POV Cameron (special)

   The boys told me everything that happened to Sara, they told me that they tried to help her but she did not want to know anything about anyone, she feels that everyone is against her. That's why I came back, because maybe I can help her, but I think I came back late or that I ruined everything more than I was. The house phone takes me out of my thoughts and Isabella, Sara's mother, answered, about 3 hours ago. Sara ran out the door and didn't answer her cell phone, she mustn't want to know anything about us.

"Yes? ... Yes it's me ... Isabella ... her mother, I'm her mother! What happened?! ... Where is it? ... Thank you very much" she looks at us concerned. - Sara collided with the motorcycle and is very serious, we have to go to the hospital now.

"It's my fault" it escapes through my mouth and David looks at me with her hand on my shoulder to speak to me.

"It's not your fault, of course it's not your fault but we have to go now".