Fall in love and other problems

Chapter 11: "Feelings out"

   I get home and as soon as I remember Cameron's messages I cry again. Upon entering I see that all my "friends" are in the room and I ask them what I am afraid to ask them, although in reality I am more afraid of the answer.

"You guys knew it right?" they doubt what to do but in the end everyone just nods, without making a sound. I'm hurt, angry, so I run upstairs to my room and start thinking, as well as crying.

It is time for a list of things that have happened these days.

   Unfortunately yes, only this list will remain in my head, not like the previous one.

   Chad lied to Cameron about being my boyfriend.

And maybe everyone else too.

   Chad told me he likes me.

And Cameron too, but we still don't know if it was real or not.

   The boys were worried when I left crying on the bike and then he found me.

How did he find you?

   He lied to me that they were in a good mood.

If she followed you to the square, she couldn't have seen them in a good mood, she wouldn't even have seen them. If she stayed at school it would not have been possible for her to find you because that was your place with your best friend.

   He sure knew that my brothers and friends were going to be at the races ... did he take me to fight with them?

To fight you or to show you the truth?

   What's going on?

With that question I have nothing to add or say, we are both blank.

   I know Sarita, sadly I know.

   I hear a knock on the door but I don't want to open it, I don't feel like talking to any of the boys. They play several more times so I give up and when I say or rather shout "come in", Mom enters. All I do is run and hug her while tears fall, this is what I needed the most and what I had been thinking about all the way.

"Hey, what's up?" she asks sitting on my bed, so I settle down as I had planned. She sitting on top of my bed and I lying with my head on her legs while she caresses my hair as she knows that I like it, there I cry again and I do everything I wanted but was afraid to say.

"I have been in love with Cameron for a long time, I don't think I can remember a time when I haven't been. This morning I saw him kissing Melanie Griffith, who I don't know if you remember but it is with the only person in my school years with whom I repeatedly had problems that my best friend defended me from at that time, and question that I left high school crying" there I realized that I revealed information that I did not owe to one of my parents but hey, what was said is said. "Sorry for what I told you, it was today" I smile innocently and continue. "Apparently Chad told Cameron he was my boyfriend and he got "mad" or I don't know what fly bit him".

>> "When he left the institute he came to talk and I half asleep, tired and sad I confessed, I told him almost everything I felt for him. Later he said that he was also in love with me, although I think he did that so that I would not feel bad, but he also told me what Chad told him, to which I was super hyper mega angry and when I told him that everything there was Chad said it was a lie, he didn't believe me" I look up to see my mom with teary eyes. "He's supposed to be my best friend, he was supposed to be my best friend and he didn't believe me because he preferred to believe someone he doesn't even know".

>> "Well, I called to meet up somewhere and went to talk to Chad after that. When I got out of talking to Chad, I sent Cameron a message that I wanted to talk to him so we can sort things out but do you know what his message was? Do you want to know what he said to me? She told me that she was going to Spain with her father" I told the whole story crying while Mom gave me disposable tissues.

"Oh my little one, it's going to happen. I already knew you liked her, you're my daughter, I also realized a long time ago that she likes you, I don't think I told you out of pity. The way you look at each other, the way you treat each other, the way you understand each other, the different ways you do everything are just yours, they are a pack where if one is there, the other is also and that nobody is going to take them away. They will be able to fix everything, I know it, I have hope that they will" I notice that he tries to convince me that everything will be fine but I know that it will not happen, Cameron will not return now and my best friend already not my best friend. I gave up, I want to change ... and I don't know exactly if for the better.

Good and evil will always be subjective.

   I'm glad to hear that.

   As I start I decide to go to the hairdresser to dye my hair and that is exactly what I do. Mom offered to go with me but the truth is that I wanted more time to myself. I get to the hairdresser, I tell him what I want to do and that's where it starts.

Luckily it was no turn because if not, you could not have done one of your many crazy things.

   Thank you and yes, thank goodness it wasn't.

   While he does things in my hair I feel relaxed, I love that they touch my hair and more if you know what you are doing. I start reading magazines, using my cell phone and talking short conversations with people who are standing by my side until I hear it.

"And we ended up here" he says smiling. "If you ask me, I love the work I did" I laugh at her comment but I still see myself in the mirror.

   The truth is that you are right, I am in love with the work you did. She dyed all my hair black but it was nice, neat, she also cut it a little but only the ends so it doesn't show at all. I keep looking in the mirror when I realize that I never answered him.

"The truth is that I do love your work, I love how it turned out, I really love it a lot" I see myself one last time in the mirror, I pay her and I leave the place.

   I decide to take a photo and upload it to i********: along with a phrase, I want the world to know that I am no longer the same Sara.

The world is very big, be satisfied that Cameron sees it.

   If that.

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@ sari.harris "We are young and when we are young everything affects more, because feelings are deeper and everything goes deeper ..."

   I start to think as I go home and realize that I still don't even know if I can continue to trust my friends, "friends." They knew everything and none of them were able to give me even a hint, a comment, they probably weren't even able to tell him to tell me.

   Why didn't he knock on the door again? Why didn't it reopen? Why didn't he insist that he wanted to talk? It's as if he had gotten what he wanted, as if he wanted to leave without saying hello and he did that. Why? I still wonder, what did I do? Because I didn't do anything to him, I didn't say anything to him, we hadn't fought before, I don't understand why he walked away from me like it was something bad.

Maybe he thought it would be too hard, or what would you make him stay, or ...

   Or nothing, they're just excuses, he must have told me. A friendship that lasted so many years cannot end overnight, but it is as if it had. He showed me that he doesn't care about me, that he doesn't care about me and that he doesn't care about our friendship, maybe he never did.

Those are also just assumptions.

   They will be only assumptions but he is not here to tell me that they are not true, he did not even want to continue talking to me by messages while he is on the plane, so I doubt that at some point he will explain everything to me again.

What if it already has? What if it is true that he is in love with you?

   Knowing him, he would have told me long before. My best friend is not a person who keeps what he feels, if he hates you he tells you so, if he loves you too, is he like that, or was he ...

He was never in love with anyone, so you have no idea how Cameron reacts or handles being in love. Maybe that's the way it is, I'm not saying the situation is good or good but hey.

   It is true. But still, he would have told me, at least that he was going to live in another country! TO ANOTHER CONTINENT! Damn you, damn you Cameron. What was it difficult for you to tell me that you were at least thinking about it before? What did you already know? When did you start packing your things! What was it difficult for you to tell me at that moment?