Pregnant with the Bad Boy

71

He stood up in the attic corridor, leaned over and looked at me with his big green eyes as he was disappointed in me, I sighed, I really did not want to do this now, f*****g mom had probably gossiped about me again.

“Dylan, wait here.” I said the words reassuringly to him when he had seen him and I did not want any more fights today, between any of them.

I went up the stairs with Dylan left by the car, it felt awful that I had to separate the man I loved and my own father who was waiting for me as I came up the stairs and walked slowly towards his disappointed face like I had done the dumbest thing he had ever heard of.

“Hey Jenni.” He said the words absent like he was only here because he had to and I just nodded in response, I knew he was here to shout, say what he thought and leave, he was like that when he was mad.

“Okay dad, just say what you want and then leave, just like you're going to do all the time.”

I said the words cold; I saw that I hurt him, but I didn’t care, I was sick of everything, that he and mom fought when they were together and died inside when they were apart.

That they hated Dylan without even trying to see that I could not live without him.

“Can I come in or do you want me to say everything out here?” He sounded surprisingly calm now and I looked down at Dylan who was just staring at him irritated, I did not know if I wanted him to come inside, moreover it was Dylan's home from the beginning, not mine.

“I don’t know….” I looked at Dylan again who shrugged, and I sighed as Dad studied us and I looked straight into his identical eyes that were just waiting for me.

“You can come inside, but this is our home, and I'm not going to let Dylan wait outside because you're here.” I said the words out loud for him to hear them down there and he smiled amused like he was proud of me, and I sighed again, I did not try to take any side, I just did not want trouble.

“Okay.” He said the word he was really okay with it, and I just looked at him in surprise as he leaned up and put his hands in his jeans, he looked just like Dylan, I would have been kidding myself if it weren’t so damn obvious already.

I nodded at Dylan who just sighed and I picked up the keys in the jacket and walked past dad without even looking at his restrained face as he did not want to show what he felt and unlocked quickly, it was as usual in there, nothing was cleaned and there were things everywhere, I pulled off my jacket and removed the things from the sofa and pointed it at him as he did as I said and sat down quickly without saying anything as I dumped the things in one of the few closets that were behind me and went into the kitchen and put on the coffee maker to gain time, I had started to get nervous about what he would say, if he just wanted to bark he would have done it by now and I was quite a hundred that he knew that we had gotten married without even seeing any rings. 

I heard Dylan come in with the bags and walk past Dad without saying anything, they had not had the best start and part of me wanted them to be together, was that so weird? My family was important to me, and I loved them both.

He sat down on them on the bench next to me and just looked at me like he was angry but thought to be quiet, I put my hand gratefully on his arm, it was not like this I wanted to spend our last night but now that dad was still here, so it was just as good to get it out of the world.

I took out a cup and stared at him accusing, he shrugged again, and I got annoyed and put it down angrily, I wanted him to be there, he had to dare to take responsibility for his actions he with as he had told me the first time we were arguing.

“Fine…” he took it out of my hand and kissed it quickly like he wanted to be together, and I smiled before I even knew about it and kissed him quickly before I poured into Dad's cup and put it down, Dylan looked amused on how I went in and he probably stood still and tried to gain time, just like I had done.

I gave Dad the cup without saying anything and sat down on the floor in front of the sofa until his dissatisfaction, this was not the farm and there was no place for everyone to sit.

-Jen. Dylan presented one of the chairs and quickly helped me up on it, he remained behind and just looked expectantly at Dad's interested eyes on us.

“So, what was it you wanted to say?” I crossed my legs somewhat as he put down the cup without taking any of the coffee and put his hands together, so they rested on his lap.

“I heard you got married.” He said the words almost amused, and I just looked at him seriously when I nodded again, I did not know what he wanted to say with it, but I was willing to listen.

“that's right.” It was Dylan talking now and I looked up at his amused face, where they both stood and looked like they did not hate each other for a few seconds, like everything that had happened was a joke.

“Congratulations.” Dad's voice was dry now, and he looked bitter, I felt ashamed, as I had deprived him of something even though it was not his right to say anything about how and who I wanted to marry.

“Thanks. “I said the word weakly, I did not know why but I felt stupid all of a sudden when Dad was sitting there and was not angry and just hurt by what I had done.

“I saw that you and mom are breaking up again…” it burned behind my eyes now, I was so tired of everything, but most of all I was sad that dad was sitting there and was sad that he had missed an important part of my Life.

“Yes. Its not working anymore Jenni… I was so sure this time… but I can’t leave Levi…” he looked at me like I would understand, and I shrugged, what was there to understand, they were different people, even if they loved each other so they had grown from who they were when they met.

“I don’t care anymore…” I said the words honestly, I had worse problems to think about, my own child and that Dylan would be in prison so long that he would miss everything.

Dad said nothing to me and sighed as he did not know what to say about the matter either, it was as it was.

“you’re going back to her then, Linda?” I looked hurt at him now, I was hurt that he just let go of everything and took up his old life that he had hidden from us for so long.

“Yes.” He said the word simply like he had no other choice, maybe he did not have it either. I blinked and tried not to cry as I felt Dylan's hand on my shoulder and quickly put my hand on it as I struggled not to start sobbing as I sat on a chair in front of Dad's Dylan's apartment.

“Congratulations.” I said the word as dry as he had said to me and he got a faint sarcastic smile on his face as he picked up the cup now and drank slowly as I tilted my head towards Dylan's hand and cleared my throat quickly when I felt the first tear fall down over my cheek, I was so sad by everything that had happened, more than I had realised.

“I'm sorry, for all of it Jenni, I love your mother, more than she understands but I can’t abandon another child, I already have a bad conscience every day for you and Mandy.” he looked sad now and I pulled the tears away with my hands now that I pulled it away from Dylan’s who still had his hand on my shoulder and hugged it lightly, it felt good that he was here and heard everything, so he might understand why I was who I was.

“I know…. I really know all that…” I looked down quickly and pulled the snot away from my nose, I did not want him to feel guilty that he wanted to be with Levi, I got that part even if I hated it.

“I wouldn’t want to leave my child either.” I said the words calmly and put my hand on the place where our daughter was, which was one of the main reasons before she was even born for me to keep me reasonably healthy and not switch off later when Dylan would be gone.

Dad smiled when he saw it, I was happy, it had not felt like anyone how happy about her existence, not even me a while ago.

“You will see, it is not so easy to be a dad…” he looked at Dylan now who opened his eyes a little of the surprise that dad had talked to him directly and not me.

“I will do everything I can for Jen and the baby will have a good life.” He said the words so seriously that it was a promise to himself and Dad, I smiled stupidly at him where he stood and was so serious that I felt myself laughing in the middle of all the misery we had gone through.

Dad just nodded at his response like to make sure Dylan kept that promise and I changed legs and sat down as comfortably as I could with one leg crossed over the other.

“We will do everything for her.” I said the words seriously all of a sudden to Dad, I wanted to make him understand that I was not going to shut down, I was going to do everything for her sake.

“It won’t be easy, especially now that mom has thrown you out.” He said the words soberly and I already saw Dylan's face get angry at me. because I had not said anything.

“She was drunk when she said that…” I only looked at dad's worried face, but he knew it, it had probably happened more times than I had known before.

“I tried Jen, but she refuses to give in… she does not want you to be together.” He looked at both of us and I nodded, I knew it.

“It's her choice, I've done mine.” I said the words for sure when he looked amused again like he knew more about everything than I did which was true, but he did not know about me and Dylan.

“You look just like her now, she probably said exactly the same thing to her parents when we were together…” he laughed until now and I swallowed uncomfortably, he meant we should stop like them, just like mom had always said.

“I'm not mom.” I said the words slowly and insultingly to his amused face so that it glistened in his green eyes under the black hair that was still thick over his head.

“No, you are like me, you do what you want and think afterwards.” He laughed more now when I blushed because I knew he was right, even Dylan laughed a little now that he also knew.

“Just a stubborn too.” he drank from the cup and actually looked at me proudly which made me a little uncomfortable, I did not know if it was so good to be like him, or like mom either.

“Probably.” I shrugged now and looked down a little ashamed of being so predictable for both him and Dylan.

“Like a sin.” Dylan's voice was amused, and they exchanged glances which made me feel a little hopeful about the future, maybe they would not hate each other forever, even if they would not be friends now so maybe there was a small chance that they could bury what has been.

“Dylan…” he said his name tired and resigned like he had thought for a long time about what he was going to say, I held my breath and felt my chest beat hard from my heart when Dylan just looked at him challenged like it would even need just now.

“I'm disappointed, on both of you. But I know what it's like when you are in love and young, I do not intend to oppose you marrying as Jenny's mother, you will see that it is difficult enough when your daughter is old enough.” His voice was meant for Dylan now and I just sat still like I did not want to disturb what kind of conversation they had even if Dylan had not said a word so far, I saw that he listened to every word Dad said.

“Put yourself in my shoes, what would you feel if your daughter told you that she was pregnant with a guy you knew was known to be trouble and also had abandoned her with everything?” Dad looked at Dylan's eyes that had gotten angry, I do not think it was over Dad's words, more what he meant.

“I had killed him.” he said the words loudly and dad nodded like they understood each other.

“Then you know exactly how I feel when I look at you every time.” Dad's voice was not angry, but it hurt me, because I knew he had not forgiven anything, just accepted that everything was as it was.

“I understand.” Dylan looked down now, ashamed to my surprise, I thought he would get angry and hit something, but he just stood there and took it, I was so f*****g proud of him.

“With that said, I want to say that I will be in Oklahoma, but I want to be there for you Jenni, you and my granddaughter.” He said the word amused and I laughed until now after all seriousness, he did not look like a grandfather, anywhere.

“I want that too.” I reached forward and took his hand in mine, I was glad that we had mediated peace, even though nothing was forgiven, I did not want to fight with him.

“Jen, you should go with him…” Dylan's voice was begging now, and I turned and looked at his worried face, was he completely crazy, should I just pull away from everything and leave him?

“No.” I said the word hard, I did not know if I even wanted to tell Dad what had happened and he sat and looked pensive over what we had said, I knew he no more than in the whole world that me and Mandy’s would come when I shook his head again at Dylan's appealing eyes as I knew he was so damn worried about how it would go for me later.

“You still have school there; you can go graduate and come back later… when it's all over…” I started crying again, I did not want to leave him, not even if I could not even see him every day.

“I won’t be here anyway…” he said the word comforting when I put my hands in front of my face and dad looked really worried now and I tried to pull myself together, I did not want to be completely overwhelmed in front of his already nervous eyes.

“It does not matter, I said I would stay, and I will.” I watched as he walked around squatting next to me, so he saw my face and tenderly stroked away the tears with his hand and took my other with his and hugged it hard, I was still crying where we sat, and he comforted me in front of dad who knew nothing.

“Okay, what the f**k happened?!” His words were harsh now and I cried louder without answering as Dylan caressed his hand over my head a couple of times and looked inconsolably into my eyes as he answered Dad's toneless question.

“I will serve a sentence of six months.” He was still looking at me with his wonderful eyes as I sobbed hard over how unfair life was, that we had barely been with each other again before he would disappear again.

“What the hell did you say?!” Dad had gotten up now, he was pissed when I looked up at his tense jaw and angry eyes staring at Dylan, I understood what he was thinking, he hated him and probably thought the worst of everything.

“There was this guy…” I avoided saying that it was one of Dylan's friends as it would not help to calm Dad a single bit.

“He tried to r**e me…” I was ashamed to say it, it felt disgusting, and I just want to forget everything that had happened, to say those words were the hardest I had done in a while when dad's mood burned off completely now and he took the coffee cup and threw it angrily into the wall over what I had told, and I closed my eyes to the loud bang that made hit the wall.

“Jenni! Why the f**k did you not say something!?” His face was terrified and scared, more scared than angry now than I had seen him all my life.

“I’m so sorry.” I said the words quietly and Dylan got up and pulled me up and put his arm around me, so I stood next to his chest and leaned inwards to seek protection from everything, the whole f*****g world if I had to.

“I beat him until he was a bloody pulp on the floor.” I sank more, there was no remorse at all in Dylan's voice, like he could have done more, wanted to do more if he had the chance.

“Good!” Dad's voice was cracked now, out of anger and fear when I saw the shame on him, I did not want anyone to really know but I did not want him to think that Dylan had done something that was not just because he wanted to protect me.

“Please do not tell mom or Mandy, they worry so much anyway…” I saw begging on dad's angry face panting with anger that went through his tense body now and I turned back to Dylan who just looked overwhelmed to remember what had happened.

I just felt like I wanted to die when I thought about it, Parker's f*****g smile would stay in my head until the day I died it felt like.

“Okay… okay…” dad tried to gather himself now and pulled his hands over his thigs a couple of times like to try to figure out what to do with what we had told him.

“you’re coming with me. end of f*****g discussion.” He looked up at me and I just watched unhappy at his determined look, the same one I got when no one could change my mind.

“No… I can’t leave Dylan here…” I looked at my husband who just smiled at me unhappily, I did not want to, I refused.

“Like hell you can’t.” Dad's voice was even louder now, and Dylan nodded at him like they had already decided it without me even being allowed to say anything.

“No… no…” I appealed the words to his face which was so sad, and he pulled me closer and pulled his hand through my hair, caressed it as only he could when his burning eyes stared into my own ruined ones.

“I want this, so I know that you are safe.” His voice was so soft now that he had never been mean to me a single day in still life as I blinked incomprehensibly at his warm eyes that were only there for me right now.

“How can I do without you?” I looked confused on his serene face, like he had all the answers to what I felt, because he knew how I was. Weak.

“You can handle Jenbabe.” He said my nickname so strongly that I started crying again about it, I did not want to, but I would do it, because his would so he did not have to worry more than he had to.

“Okay…” I answer quietly as he kissed me lightly several times on the mouth even though dad was there who just looked at us resignedly as he saw how devastated we both were over having to be apart again.

“Call me when I need to come and get you.” He said the words tiredly and left without saying more as I did not even look away from Dylan's face who was just looking at me, this was exactly what I had not wanted to think about our last night, that he would be gone.