Moon Bound

16. Carina

From the outside, it’s four walls and a roof. On the inside, it was my childhood, my home, and all my happiness. Now, it holds dread and I hate the sour taste in my mouth at the mere sight of it. Run away, Carina. Just leave.

But no. My hands tighten around the necklace. My life won’t continue until I resolve whatever screwed-up situation happened the other day, and getting answers will only begin when my feet cross the threshold.

All-knowing or not, Mary is quick at staying on top of things and knew instantly who I was running from.

“Bedroom time hit a whole new level, hmm?” she had said, putting herself directly in my path.

Finally, she came through. For whatever reason she had for leaving me in the cabin prior to Ryder’s father’s death, she helped me get home at last. Just when it mattered too, because shy of walking for however long until I found a road or civilization, I’d be stuck.

Why only now did she choose now to assist me? My hands tighten on the pendant. Ever since Grandma let Ryder take me, nothing has made sense in my life.

Mary gave no explanation; she only provided assistance in returning me home, leaving me here in the street dressed only in Ryder’s shirt, wondering how the past twenty minutes of my life transpired. It was like a dream. My first time would have been amazing had Ryder not become crazy.

Mary’s parting statement had been, “I’ll take you home. Everything will make sense soon.”

I hope so.

Given her position and her comments, I’m simply hoping this will make sense—that everything has its reason and is part of some larger plan. The question being, what is the plan and how long will it take to reach fruition?

That was mere moments ago. Since then, I’ve been staring at my house, debating with myself on whether or not to enter. This home, this coven, doesn’t have the same draw for me anymore. What was once my source of comfort no longer calls to me. I’ll abandon my makeup, clothing, and everything I love if it means not entering.

The pendant digs into my palm, reminding me of my recent decision. Mary is right. Whatever life has thrown my way won’t be unnoticed and I need to deal with a few things before I make a decision on my future.

Step one: Deal with the coven.

Step two: Get back to my life—wherever I choose to set off for—and forget Ryder ever happened.

Ryder. His name sends a pang to my chest. Whatever bizarre situation we were just in, it’s over now. I had given myself one night with him before I would leave. While it may have been cut short, I left; therefore, he and I will go our own ways.

I should thank him. If it wasn’t for his determination to save his father, I wouldn’t have had proof of my long-standing suspicions that Grandma sucks. Thanks to him, she’s shown her true colours.

I stride forward, feeling the cement underfoot. The cool hardness is a painful contrast on my bare feet to the woods I had been running through less than an hour ago. New determination thrums through me. Deal with Mom, and then shower. It’s been too long since steamy hot water washed my body. Its tender heat will be heaven upon my back and sore feet, taking the stress from my muscles.

My hand flies up, slamming the door against the wall with a rush of air magic. Its loud crash does exactly what I want when I hear the distinct sound of footsteps rushing to the top of the stairs. They continue down the steps until I’m face-to-face with Mom. Her messy black hair is knotted on her head and her partially-awake eyes blink, focusing, until recognition has them widening.

“Carina!” Her arms sweep me into a large hug. “H-how?”

“Mary.”

Mom’s expression grows euphoric with her unrestrained smile—as if she hadn’t had a hand in anything that had occurred. “Oh, that girl. It means the Goddess is watching out for you.” She’s clearly not looking at me because her guise of pure happiness completely contradicts that of my own annoyance.

Finally, she scans me, grimacing. “Carina, what in nature’s name are you wearing? Please tell me they didn’t…?”

“No.” I wave her worry away, but give her nothing more. She really doesn’t deserve it.

She swallows, scratching the base of her skull. No doubt at the guilt that must be heavy on her tense muscles. “Well, head on up. It’s delightful to have you home.”

I remain where I am, unmoving, my eyes penetrating her and hoping she can hear the Are you kidding me? I’m mentally shouting at her. After a long second, I say, through gritted teeth, “After everything, that’s all you want to say to me? Go to bed.”

“Well… it is two in the morning. We can talk tomorrow.”

Two in the morning? I suppose the celebration went later than I thought. Regardless, I should demand she wake everyone and get the entire coven over here, since it’s the least they can do, but her reminder of the time draws awareness to my aching and tired body. The wacky sleep, the less-than-ideal living situation, the s*x, and running through the woods add up to one a hell of a day. Not even counting the emotional exhaustion from stress, worry, and compassion.

“Fine.” My voice remains flat and unamused, and I saunter up the stairs before tucking myself into the safety of my bedroom without another word to her. Let her feel alone and abandoned and maybe—just maybe—she’ll feel a fraction of what I did.

Home. Because despite everything, this bedroom is my home. It’s familiar layout and furniture have remained unchanged since I was a child. The top of my dresser is littered with knick-knacks, and beside it, a vanity desk threatening to topple with the weight of how much makeup is on it. The bed remains unmade, exactly how I left it, with a pile of clothes strewn across the end from when I last dressed in here.

So why does it no longer feel like home? Its unchanged state should be more welcoming now than ever, but as I lean against the doorframe and scan the space around me, it feels like a stranger’s place. It seems to be home—is home—but doesn’t feel like it anymore.

My gaze drifts to the windows and the town beyond. I hated being in Ryder’s woods at first, but there is something to be said about the quiet back-to-nature vibe out there. Though our town isn’t huge, the lights from nearby buildings seem too bright for the time of night.

I whip off Ryder’s shirt. The garbage can in the corner is the best place for it, yet my feet remain frozen to the floor. Instead, I lift the shirt to my nose, inhaling his distinct woodsy scent and letting it imprint on me. Tossing it would be smart, but something about the plain cotton calls to me and I fold it up, tucking it inside the corner of my closet where it’ll remain hidden forever. The small piece of the one and only adventure I’ll ever have.

I glance out the window again. Did Ryder search for me? Is he still hunting?

Memories of his hard body and the feel of him inside me consumes my mind. He may have been my first, so I’m not a s*x savant by any means, but the twisting at the base of my stomach and the heat in my chest tell me that with him, it was more than it would have been with someone else.

Though, recalling his horrified expression, I’m uncertain what it indicates. Whatever transpired between us was unnerving. How he seemingly forced himself to the wall and told me to run… So many questions keep my mind busy, but I push each one of them back where they escaped from. They’re questions that will remain unasked and unanswered.

I drop the pendant from my hand and onto the dresser, noting to follow Mary’s odd instructions tomorrow.

While the bed is inviting, I turn away, opting to take a quick shower first. The hot water sluices down my back and my muscles welcome the heat, welcome the massage they bring. I’m too exhausted to stay in for long, so I finish and dry off, excited for bed.

I slip under the puffy covers, encasing myself in snug softness. Much better.

But yet… it’s not.

The bed, though inviting, is cold. I toss and turn, curling my legs into my stomach hoping to draw in some heat. My movements change nothing though, because it’s not only that the bed is chilly; it’s also empty.

Even after only one night, being without his body next to mine feels wrong. Why, is the operative question? It was one night—not enough to change my sleep preferences. Still, waking up with him at my back satisfied some deep, buried unknown part of me and since then, I feel different. Like sleeping alone is somehow wrong.

Ugh. I roll over, facing the wall for the longest time. Finally, exhaustion overtakes my emotions and I drift to sleep.

Silver eyes stare at me, piercing me, as he bounds toward me on four legs. The moonlight above shines down, casting shadows from the trees alongside us. He emerges from the shadows, ready to claim—

I jerk up in bed, panting, my heart racing. After a couple of deep breaths, I manage to slow my heart. Just a dream. It was just a dream.

Slipping from the bed, I dress in yoga pants and whatever clean shirt I find in my closet. The time on the bedside clock reads ten in the morning. I slept in, and my body appreciates the rest.

Beside the clock, my beloved cell phone waits charging, from where I rested it before the coven’s meeting-gone-bad. I lift it, smiling at the simple metal device, and swipe eagerly at the screen, spotting the old text messages from coworkers. Questions about my whereabouts, missed calls, and social media notifications.

For now, I rest it back in its place and head for the door. The morning sun sends a gleam through my window, bouncing off the metal pendant, compelling me to lift it and fix it around my neck before leaving.

Silence greets me at the bottom of the stairs. With Mom and I only living here, it’s a quiet home, but this is eerie. From the silence, comes a shuffle.

I duck around the side of the stairs toward the living room, stopping short at the view.

Every coven member, all my aunts and uncles, are situated around the room, forming an arc. Jasper’s face is unusually stoic, his eyes remaining firm on me. They narrow at my entrance and his mouth flattens.

Grandma remains on the couch, front and centre of the coven, in her usual place of control. She remains upright, her expression flat and unamused—bored almost, as if she’s already rehearsed exactly what she’ll say. Mom sits stiffly beside her, staring at the ground.

“Good morning, Carina,” Grandma says diplomatically. Her hands are folded on her lap, adopting her typical prim position.

Grimacing with uncertainty, I pull in a deep breath and say, “Morning.”

“You’re back.”

“No thanks to you.” My comeback is snappy against her attempt to make this peaceful.

Her lips press together once before she adds, “Jasper came to you and explained why I had to do what I did.”

Her tone remains light and regal, as if I’m supposed to merely fall in line once more. I glance at Jasper briefly, finding nothing behind his mask. “He did and I feel the same now as I did yesterday. You let them have me. Who does that?” I shift, my legs spreading wide and my teeth bare in anger. “You used me.” Disappointment mixes with my anger, causing my body to feel weighted down.

“The same way they used you. Do not forget that.”

“They—” I whip my hand out to the side “—didn’t know me. They are not family. And they were desperate.” Images of his dying father invade my mind. The frailness of his body, aging by the minute, taking him closer to death with each breath. The look on the elders’ faces, the energy of the entire pack, and Ryder’s heartbroken attempts to save him. “The alpha was dying.”

A single brow hikes, her posture remaining stately. “And that made it okay?”

“It made it understandable. We’d do the same.” Or so I thought.

Her lips fold into a frown. “You may be right, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re okay with them taking you, while remaining angry with us. I don’t see the difference.”

“Because they are not my family! It’s ridiculous.” I scan the circle, and when I speak, it’s toward the rest of them. “You all just fell in line with her plan. Frank?” I plead to an uncle, before shifting my gaze to his wife. “Larissa?”

“I’m sorry, Carina, but Mom’s right,” Frank rumbles from the corner.

I shake my head, dismayed. Why am I even surprised though? “You’ve went too far this time.”

Grandma’s eyes narrow. “What’s done is done. You can now lead us back there and we can destroy the pack.”

“But, why?”

Her head jerks back, her mouth slackening with my question. “Shifters are our natural enemy. Fortuna has promised an alliance between your cousin and the coven leader’s daughter if we prove our strength. They started the fight with the pack; therefore, I feel if we finish it, we can secure the deal.”

Jasper catches my eye and he gives a single blink. I know him well enough to know it means he’s accepting this. “It’s for the family, Carina.” His tone is distant, cool, and not like the cousin I know.

“I’m not helping you.” My head shakes slowly, hurt creeping up. I’m home safe and Grandma’s entire focus is to use me. My hands tighten at my side, willing the quivering to stop.

Her lips press together once more. “Insolent child. We will search for them, with or without you.”

“Then it’ll be without me.” My hand lifts to clasp the necklace around my neck. I drag my fingers along its length, working through the building anxiety. Where does this leave me? Will they attack? Do I warn Ryder? I flick my eyes to Mom. “Anything to say?”

Her head doesn’t even rise.

Unbelievable.

Grandma’s eyes zero in on my hand. “What’s around your neck?”

If it wasn’t for the anxiety she sparked in me, I may have forgotten it altogether. Mary did say to ask my family, so after a deep inhale of air, I unclasp it, holding it toward her.

“Maybe you can tell me. Why did Mary give this to me?”

Her eyes grow wide, her mouth falling slack. Slowly, her arm lifts and she yanks the necklace from my fingers, barely sparing a glance toward Mom who wears a similar expression.

“They can’t be the same group… can they?” Mom asks, her hand coming up to cover her shocked expression.

My gaze darts to everyone in the room, scanning for a sign they know something. Other than Jasper, they all turn toward Grandma, expectant.

“What can’t be the same?” I ask.

After a long, silent beat, Grandma gestures to the only empty chair in the room by the door. “Take a seat, Carina. It’s time you know our family history.”