Love at the Nth Time

Hidden Sacred

Chapter 50

"Isn't that awesome," Seth proclaimed, laughing. The reaction I received made me more proud of what I did. Mid-afternoon, we stood still on a bench of the arena with a few people afar from us. I found myself special to her as she set aside her appointments merely to meet me and celebrate the first act of bravery I did.

"It actually feels good," I announced lightly.

The refusal I had made served as the beginning of enabling myself on the boundary and protection, whereas no one would take advantage of me easily. Perhaps I was naive when it came to a romantic relationship that met my ideals. However, the help of my older sister and Seth being everywhere pushed me to let my voice out of what I truly wanted.

"The dress suits you. Have you realized you could wear a variety of comfortable clothes besides a shirt and jeans?" I huffed, rolling my eyes. Seth chuckled. A secret smile drew on me as she became aware of the treatment she displayed towards me.

"I'd choose those attire, even so."

"Of course, that's how you got me."

Although the suggestion of rejecting the man was mainly my decision. Added the portion of my sister and her boyfriend's opinion, Seth hadn't criticized him or set her conclusion about Ryan's meddling in my life.

Seth's hand gently put the strands of my hair behind my ear, attention altered to her over the lake. She cleared her throat and looked upfront.

"I suggest you stay with me the day before our flight so I can make sure you're ready," she uttered with a faint smile.

That being said, I didn't feel excited, though. Even all the documents I needed to bring were all prepared, as though the current happenings in my life drew me not to think of what's in the future.

I sighed inaudibly and stared at the wreath hanging on the front door of the house. A hand opened the knob and paused to remove my heels as I met the eyes of unfamiliar guests sitting in the living area with their hands holding a bible.

Mom smiled weakly and beckoned me to join them as she served them glasses of juice on the table. My heart throbbed as if something was stuck in my throat. I bowed to them a little, and slowly, the reality placed me in the matter of nowhere to break free.

"The holy book of salvation mentioned only two. The male and female, He created to become one in nature and at marriage afterwards."

I wanna run away.

I wanna run away.

As the old church members recited their own interpretation mainly to point out the sin I committed and drowned me with more guilt, I was thinking of how to tackle the opportunity given to me by Seth.

The wrong move was to treat Chaoxiang disrespectfully if the only way of being with Seth was to plan a fake marriage and if the honeymoon would be in Europe? Choices, choices I must make, and the chances of changing my oppressed pathetic life. Seth, who thought of leaving the life that I dreamt of having. Had she felt her freedom out of it? Yet, little did she know how great her life was already. If she could maximize it, take control of the opportunities already serving for her in the centre of her palm, similar to how she managed her women, unsure if they were related. Still, she was good at taking care of them.

Us against the world I live in. What could I see on the other side of Seth's world as well?

Look how pitiful my life was, accepting the traditions and beliefs the generation had set in my family. Desire to run away, yet I'd eventually suffer if I abandoned the people who were with me since birth.

Alone in a room, with my arms wrapped in my knees and the cold floor touching my bare feet. I blankly stared at nowhere.

If someone had the correct answers to my problem, I might offer my soul just to know the steps to follow.

The kids' version of a song played by our neighbour lingered clearly in my ear. It's deafening that it was ringing in my ear, trumpeting to understand the lyrics as though it was a song meant for me, meant something profound.

What a holiday of the year that was presented to me; I couldn't feel the joy of Christmas which would come soon. How? If the person I most wanted to be with on that day wouldn't be around? Yes, the happiness of being with my family would temporarily cover the loneliness, and it wasn't what I wished for.

I sniffed, tears slowly falling from my cheeks, in disappointment at how unfair the world was and the song was consoling me.

I pondered further. Humans depended on what they believed in—self-understanding and proclamation of what they thought was the meaning.

If Heaven and hell were real, wherein sinners could only go under, freedom was solely I sought for.

"Did you know I drew a cat?" Carla said as she played with a Barbie doll. I held the arm of the doll, lying on the bed with my sister.

"That's nice. May I see it?"

"Tomorrow. It's already in the box," she replied, turning around to lay her chest on the surface. It was still early in the evening to sleep, but my body and mind yearned to rest. I took advantage of the silence as mom went along to the church. "Sis, when is sister Seth coming?" I smiled at her. Seth sure had a great way of capturing a kid's trust. She might not be aware of it, but her frank personality and gentle treatment towards my siblings touched their hearts and set her as her introduction to who she naturally was.

"She's busy. Don't you miss your brother Ryan?" Mentioning his name wasn't special, merely to know the kid's feelings, who became fond of him.

"I missed him," she normally answered.

"Do you wanna see him?" Carla sat up and called Jonathan to the next room. She slowly moved out of bed and exited the door. Sighed inaudibly, I felt my phone under the pillow and checked the contact number of Chaoxiang. There was a benefit to keep dating him until mom got better. Our father, who chose another family where to stay, happened recently, and the visitation of the members of our local church could help her forget it somehow and the start of regaining her optimism.

Steps thudded, and I gazed at Shiela, who entered the room. She hissed and faced the cabinet, changing her shirt. I frowned.

"You're using my bra," I uttered.

"Yeah, mom hasn't washed the clothes yet," she reasoned, and paused wearing new shorts as she looked at me. "Why are you looking? You're fantasizing about me? Omg," she mumbled. I scoffed sarcastically, and it irritated me how she viewed my gender preference.

"You're disgusting, Shiela. Check your head. There's a poison," I humoured her. Her brows furrowed with a what-expression, and she shut the door, leaving.

How did she come to the point of thinking I saw her in that way? Were there any professional research experts when a person started to get attracted to the same gender? And to what extent? God, humans, were complicated.

Yet, my mind ran on a wheel. Although it didn't give me a reasonable answer, I ended up looking over the internet for relevant information I could use to understand more about people outside the tradition of the world.

Possessing an open mind, I could reach out to anything I liked to explore until the little adoration turned to a desire to delve into the subject. The more I came across where it all began, the reality of the past, the more I accepted their existence, concluding that their feelings were valid. Bear a resemblance to mine as if they were oppressed. Who would have the will and courage to fight for our rights? Hand down, together with the pen, I used to express the fire within and stored it on a piece of paper compacted with other words created by my head.