The One I Love

Confidence

It has been two and a half months since I started writing my thoughts in my diary which was given by my father on my birthday. I loved the diary , it was both pink and white in colour and had a lock too. I never had any intention to write a diary at that time but then I just wanted to keep it with me .

I met Rachel when I was 7 years old , as far as I remember ,it was my aunt Helen who introduced me to her . We met occasionally during parties at that time . Since Rachel ,Justin and I were of same age ,we used to played together , Justin always pinched her cheeks slightly just to look at her face turning red and he never missed a chance to see her reaction whenever he teased her , it was a kind of satisfaction for him to tease her and that didn't still change today . Even though Justin always teased her ,he took care of her whenever she was depressed . He knew her before me as their mothers were best friends .I was ten years old when Rachel's parents took divorce . She always cried , it was very difficult for her to see her parents getting apart in front of her . Justin's mother brought Rachel to her house for few days and then Rachel was transferred to my school . My aunt and my uncle love her a lot , sometimes I wondered if Justin was their own child looking at the way they used to treat her . I often used to go to my aunt's house to meet her and play with her . We grew together and we never hid anything from eacthother . There were times we argued and didn't talk to each other but at the end we always used to sort it out at the end . I never thought that things would change between us .

It was in the month of august , five and a half months ago . Just like everyday I went to fill my bottle to see Austin . He changed a lot in these two years , he looked handsome than before . I filled bottle and glanced at him before leaving and then I left , while coming towards my class I saw the notice board . It was about the competitions held by our school to select few students to participate in Q.A.E.S .

Q.A.E.S( Q Archdiocese of Educational Society) is one of the largest chain school in YYY country . There are 20 schools and are managed by the Archdiocese . Every year competitions are held by Q.A.E.S in the month of February in which students of all those 20 schools participate in the competitions . The competitions include sports , cultural , elocution and essay writing .

Rachel came and stood beside me , she looked at the notice board and then at me , she understood what I was thinking just by looking at my face .

Are you sure about this , she asked me.

I nodded to her and said a yes .

what do you say ? shall we participate in this year's competition ? , I asked her and raising her hands to her shoulder level and taking a step back she said , " not even in my dreams ."

I laughed looking at the way she replied .

Okay , I'm not forcing you to participate with me ,I said while laughing .

Thankyou for your kindness , let's go to the class now since you saw your guy , she said and grabbed my wrist and we headed towards our class .

I went to Cindy , our class representative to gather more information about the competition . She has been our class representative since seventh standard . I went to her and told her that I wanted to participate in elocution . she went to her bench and took out her note book from her bag and opened a page in which there were names of the participants from our class , she wrote down my name and told me that next week my class teacher would let her know about the topics and also about the date .

I gave a smile and went back to my place and sat beside Rachel .

Are you participating for him ? , Rachel asked me .

I shook my head and replied , not exactly . I want to try doing something which I never did, I want to change myself .

she looked at me and smiled but didn't tell anything .

Looking at her expression I understood that she was happy for what I was doing or going to do .

Few days later , our teacher gave us the topics and then she told that the competition would be held on Thursday which was two weeks later .

Just like the other days after having our lunch , Rachel and I went to fill our bottles but I didn't go towards Austin's class as I wanted to take a stroll in the ground .

I told her that I need to go back to the class and practise .

She told that it would be better if I practise standing in front of her and imagine her as one an audience .

Pausing for a minute , I closed my eyes took a deep breathe and then when I opened my eyes I saw Rachel wasn't standing in front of me . I looked towards my right side and saw her rushing towards an empty bench which was under a tree . The place where she sat was near to the basket ball court .

Okay , start now . She said .

Can't you stand even for five minutes ? , I asked her folding my hands and curling my lips .

Why should I stand when there's place to sit and also my legs might start paining if I stand even for a minute , rolling her eyes she shrugged and replied .

Alright!! , start now , she said with a wide smile .

Standing in front of her I told my speech with confidence. She stood and gave me a hug after I completed my speech .

"That was amazing , so proud of you , don't loose your confidence, you can do it ," she said while hugging me .

I practised day and night so that I could become perfect . At home ,I sometimes stood in front of the mirror and at school during lunch hours , Rachel and I would to go to that bench everyday . I used to give my speech while she used to sit on the bench and listen to me eating her chips . And that Continued for two weeks .

Finally the day has come. I was already nervous and looking at the crowd I lost my confidence . I was to tears but didn't let them fall , I was controlling myself . I wanted to runaway , I took a step back but then I thought that if I step back further then everything I did for today since two weeks would go in vain .

Jessica , you have to do it no matter what , I told to myself.

Half of me was telling to go for it while the other half was telling me not to do , people would make fun if something goes wrong .

I took another step back thinking that I won't be able to do it .

When I turned back , I saw a tall guy standing behind me one step away. I could only see his chest as he was tall , I raised my head and looked at the tall figure and realised that it was Austin .

Thankgod , I didn't take two steps back . My head would've hit his chest and that would be another embarrassing situation with him , I thought .

Hey , he said .

He looked even more handsome in close up .His hair was messy which made him look attractive . There was a kind of spark in his eyes which melted my heart as always ,his jawline outlined his handsome face , his perfectly shaped red lips were slightly moving .

Shit his lips are moving , he is saying something to me , I thought and came back to my senses , he was talking about my speech .

I smiled and nodded but didn't talk anything because I didn't listen to what he told and also I was speechless as he was standing very close to me .

I never understand , why I always get lost in my thoughts and also I'm so stupid , I have to give speech in few minutes and here I was busy admiring him .

I asked did you give your speech or are you going to give , he said .

I.... am going to give my speech in a while , I didn't give yet , I said sheepishly .

I scolded myself for behaving like an i***t .

That's nice , he said .

He was talking to his friends who were standing to my left side .

I don't know why , all of a sudden I wanted to talk to him and tell him that I was loosing my confidence.

Even though he was my crush , he was not close to me . We hardly spoke to eacthother , I always felt happy whenever I spoke to him but this was different , I never shared my feelings with him and also I didn't know if he would understand my situation because its easy for a person like him to talk in front of people but for a person like me its difficult .

I turned my head towards him and saw that he was already looking at me .

He came towards me and said , you can do it , don't loose your confidence .

He talked to me as if he knew what I wanted to say .

Will I be able to do it ?, I asked him .

If a person can do something ,it means you can do it too .If a person can't do it you should try doing it, he said .

I will do it , I said and gave him a bright smile.

He was right , if other students could stand and give speech , I can do it too . I should atleast give a try , I cannot let my two weeks of handwork go in vain, I thought .

I heard my teacher calling my name , I went and gave my speech . It was not great but I was able to tell with confidence and without any mistake , it was my first time standing in front of so many people and giving a speech .

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That day , he said only two sentences and those two sentences became her motto since then . If she didn't talk to him that day , she wouldn't have given my speech , Jessica would've lost her confidence and she would've never tried to do something like that again.

Sometimes , things we do unintentionally cause a big change in our life . It might turn out into a good thing or a bad thing . That time Jessica didn't know that her wish to participate in the competition would be a cause for a change in her friendship .