Unloved

Chapter One: After

It was summer, I think. It was a hot day inside my room, doing nothing. I thought I could become something after I graduated from college, but I couldn't. I have an older brother, and a mother. My father died when I was little. It was really hard to become something when you're really nothing. Kids have a dream, I don't, I guess that was the reason why I'm not happy. It's 12 PM, I'm feeling kind of dizzy, I was alone in the house, then I went out to go to a convenience store. Our house is in the middle of a busy neighborhood, it was never quiet. I walk, while I'm on my way I was thinking, thinking of what my life could've been after college, or before college. Because my life is never really special, my mother is always busy at work, my brother is pretty much never at home. While I was walking, I saw a familiar face, an old friend, I think he lives in the same neighborhood but I never really see him. I walk, avoiding eye contact, but I think he saw me, he was approaching me, "Hey, John, it was a really long time since I last saw you, how are you doing?" he said. Even though I said that he was an old friend, I have no idea why I can't remember his name. "College was crazy, huh? The graduation was crazy, but I didn't see you. I was about to say goodbye." I said "You didn't have to." Then it went awkward, is it because of what I said? In my head, I was thinking, why are even having this conversation, his friends hated me, nobody even gives a s**t about me back in college, I was a total nobody. "By the way, what happened to that girl that gives you letters? Are you dating her?" he jokingly said. Then I remembered something from the past, back in college, there was a girl, I didn't know who, but she put letters right on my desk. I never knew who she is, I didn't even know what she looks like, I'm not even sure if she was really a she. "I never really knew her so it doesn't really matter." I said, "That's a missed opportunity right there." he said, then he tapped my back "See you around, buddy." he said. I smile, then I nod, it was a fake smile. It was Keith, his name was Keith, I used to sit beside him back in college, because we have the same surname, but I didn't really care about him, because we were only considered as friends by that very reason. I went to the convenience store to buy some ice cream, then I went home. I know I said that I didn't care but something pops in my head, a memory. Right after I finished my ice cream I went to my room, and look under my bed, there's a box, a small box, containing all the letters I received from that girl I never knew. I never really opened them, I just took them home, I know she was a girl because some guys in my class said that a girl puts the letters on top of my desk, they said she looked shy, so I took her letters and hid it under my bed. I opened all the letters, it has that nice smell that you can smell from a girls scent shop. There are 13 letters, she sent one everyday, she just stopped in the middle of the month, it was the last month of our college days, people are really busy trying to make sure that they will graduate, so I haven't been able to reply to her letters. I read the last letter she sent, it was a sad one so I went and read the first letter, it was a letter full of love. The letters are saying how she admired me, I thought that if I were to read that letter before, I could've felt something, I should've tried to find her. Then I went back to the last letter, a sad one indeed, it was saying how she felt sad and alone, I feel her. All throughout the letter, she was saying repeatedly, how she felt that she shouldn't have sent me the letters but she's also glad that she sent me those letters. She felt unsure, that last letter was about her feelings going back and forth, she was never sure about her feelings, but she sure felt unloved.