Keepers of the Moon

Chapter 12. Toiseach an deireadh (5)

Saoirse

And now, all for nothing, I had lost.

My world just a memory inside my head, the future unbound and unwinding. Possibilities swirling in the dark black crevasses of my mind, yet war always prevailed. The darkness swallowed me, no trembling stars visible in the veil of night. I could not see past it, there was no light that found its way back to me. Not even the ocean could reach my heart. All thoughts banished from the sea within my mind.

Under the water we are alone.

Eyes blacker than the darkness around looked at me. My heart was aching, almost bouncing out of my chest. I knew those eyes, but did not recognise them. They belonged to someone I knew, but I did not know him. The boy in my eyes, was not the boy that I saw. A thousand different thoughts floated in the milky waters, they collided with just a single feeling so strong it drowned out all life within me.

Love.

It was love in its purest form.

A love that I had only felt once in my entire life, which had taken too long and would be longer still. A love that left childish footprints in white sand and build tiny castles made of driftwood. A love that brought the smell of sweet flowers and burning embers. A love that came with the sound of a ringing chime and a loud thunder in the distance. I had defined me, made me who I was.

Made me who I was supposed to be.

It tore me apart and built me back up.

Without that love I would not be.

And somehow that love had never truly left me, had never truly settled. I knew that I’d never really came back after Mana died. It had been centuries, but the memory was fresh. As solid as the picture of Ben, but I could not remember the face of my mother or the smiles of my brothers.

But Mana was still here.

Where does your mind go?

For just one time all was right. I was no longer torn. I did not have to choose between the ocean and the world. Because with Mana I had both. He was the steady rock on which I build my foundations, he was the unwavering wind on my journeys across the sea, the shimmer on the blue waters and the moon on my darkest nights.

He was still there, I could still see him when I was out there. On the blue waves, with the wind in my hair and the shore at my back.

Yet he was not here.

I could not feel him.

I could only stare at him. The boy from my dreams was standing right in front of me, it was Mana. He was smiling at me, but this smile was different. There was no light in his eyes, no adventure in his face. I wanted to ask him what happened with him, why he was doing this. But inside me a fire was burning, it was a ball of hate and disdain directed at my Mana. It didn’t make sense and I pushed it away. I could not hate my Mana, he was life.

He was my life.

That fire was not for him. It was for the man whose presence was slowly dawning on me. And as he came into focus, my body returned to me. I calmed down and thoughts re-collided in my head, slowly clearing the murky waters. The cold, damp air chilled my bones. There was a wall in my back and the floor was made of irregular concrete. Tiny pebbles were barely clinging together in their dirty grey matrix. Rusty nails were withering away in the moist walls and dark red streaks were running down onto the floor where water had picked up the rust. It almost looked like blood. Even in my foggy mind I knew that I was in trouble, I’d been here before.

More times than I’d like to remember.

But fear was not an emotion that ran through me, it was more a feeling of annoyance. I always hated this part of my life. But it came with the job. It was amazing how many enemies you’d make while trying to prevent war.

‘After all these years and you’re just a child.’ His heavy voice was full of resentment. His hatred was overwhelming, just as his ecstasy. And even though I did not fear what was coming for me, I was concerned about his intentions. He knew who I was, I knew what he was after. While I would never do his bidding, there was this tiny chance that he could turn me into a weapon. My power, in the hands of someone like him, could destroy the world.

‘No one’s been calling me a child in a very, very long time, Einar.’ I smiled at him, but did not get up. My arms were on my lap and I could not lift them. Standing up would reveal my weakness. I also did not want to face plant into a wall, because that would certainly annoy me.  

‘And no one has been calling me by my first name in a very long time either. My lady.’ He shared a condescending smile and he could barely hide his eagerness to start with his plans.

‘Then that is something we also have in common.’

I actively avoided Mana who was standing next to him in silence. Leaning on his toes, arms by his side as if he was about to fly away. The way my Mana always stood in the waves in our crystal bay, manta rays floating around his legs. His eyes on the horizon.

‘Well you won’t need your name where you’re going.’ His eyes were colder than even the coldest night in Nordlys. I just sighed.

But the fires in my head were burning. There was something different this time, from all those other times that this had happened to me. Mana was here now and he wasn’t helping me, it was almost as if he was working with Einar.

But that couldn’t be.

Mana would never do that.

Would he?

But Mana answered that question for me, when he suddenly stepped forward and clasped his hand around my throat. Everything went dark in an instant, but I still felt my skin burning. As if electricity was running through my veins. But that burning did not hurt, but Mana’s betrayal was something that I could not digest. It broke me.

Pieces of me scattered into the black night and I knew that I would never be the same again.