Suicide

The End

| 3 days later|

                                                                                       •OAKLYNN•

It's been tough these last few days with planning Kairos funeral. People would come to check on me but I never opened the door I just wanted to be left alone.

Hearing banging on the door I ignore it staring at keimorie who looked just like his father.

"Oaklynn you have to get ready the funeral starts in two hours". Yara said from the other side of the door.

"I'm not going". I said tearing up and I could hear her messing with the door before it opens.

"What do you mean you're not going". She asked taking a seat at the end of the bed.

"I can't watch them put him in the ground because then it becomes real". I said covering my face as I started to cry.

"He would want you to be there for him just like you where the whole time you was with him". She said standing up and picking up Keimorie.

"I'm about to get him dressed so get dressed". She said walking out.

Sighing I push the covers back and walk into the bathroom turning the shower on. Removing my clothes I step in and let the hot water hit my skin.

|2 hours later|

The limo pulled up outside on the church and I just stared at it before breaking down.

"It's okay baby you got this". His aunt said rubbing my back and I nod stepping out adjusting keimorie in my arms.

As I walked up the steps it felt like my heart was heavy.Walking in I look around seeing some familiar faces and also some unfamiliar faces.

Taking a seat on the first row bouncing keimorie on my lap.

They played music and let people walk up to view the body.

"You go on now I'll hold keimorie". His aunt said walking back from viewing the body.

Handing Keimorie to her I stand up and slowly walk over to him. Once I got close enough to the casket I couldn't catch my breath.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you baby and I'm so sorry I didn't do enough because I know there's more I could do". I said rubbing his cheek and it was cold to the touch.

I opened my mouth to speak again but nothing came out I just burst into tears laying my head on his chest holding onto his suit for dear life.

"Baby it's time to let him go". His aunt said grabbing my but I shook my head holding onto him.

"I can't". I said as I cried harder.

"Bestfriend you got to let him go he wouldn't want you crying like this". I heard Yara say rubbing my back.

Letting him go I look at him one last time and place a soft kiss on his lips. Turning around I see Yara had Keimorie so I take him from her.

"Give dada a kiss". I said leaning him down and he rubbed his face before kissing him.

Turning around I walk back to my seat and the pastor walked on stage and started talking.

|The Burial|

As the pastor talked I closed my eyes and dropped my head swaying with Keimorie in my arms as I said a prayer.

Lord,

I feel like my entire life has lost its meaning. My heart is broken. In my time of doubt and pain, remind me of your sufficient grace. I need you, I need your strength to guide me. I pour out my grief to you in the hope that my suffering end, and your love will conquer.

Amen

"Amen". I heard people say causing me to open my eyes and look up to see them lowering the casket.

Walking over I look down at it as they begin to throw dirt on it.

"Dada". Keimorie said catching me by surprise since it was his first words.

"Dada". He whine reaching for the casket before he started to cry trying to get out of my hands.

Sitting down in the grass beside his grave I cried not just for me but for my son.

Dear Lord,

Today I ask you to help Oaklynn. I ask you to be with them while they struggle in the darkness of grief. May she recognise joy in the memories, hope in your love, and peace in the pain. May you walk beside her in her journey to recovery, filling the void and emptiness with your presence.

Amen

"Amen thank you Yara". I said looking over at her.

"You're welcome boo come on let's go". She said helping me up.

"Take Keimorie for me I want to say one last thing to him". I said handing  him to her and she nodded walking away.

"I want you to know I love you so much and although this isn't the way I wanted you to gain your happiness and peace I'm glad that you have it". I said before turning around and walking away.

It hurts because he didn't think he had any people in his corner.

And it hurts worse that he thought Suicide was the answer...