Stolen Role Models and Obsessive Behavior
706 Words
Sunday, March 10th, 2013
Stolen Role Models and Obsessive Behavior
Published by AdoringKidBrother at 1:35 a.m.
Growing up, I never really had a role model. Well, I had plenty, but none of them of my own. My dad and my big brother were my superheroes, and then when I discovered just how I loved my brother, I was even less inclined to pick my own model to follow. I didn’t know of anyone who’d made their dreams come true in my situation, so what would have been the point? No, instead I went after my brother’s role models or, later on, his random crushes.
First there was Marat Safin. My brother was obsessed with him. He’d never watched a tennis match in his life, but after running across his photo, he became an aficionado. What did I do? Well, I picked up tennis and was fairly good at it. I made it to a few competitions and might have continued to do well. But then my brother saw this Japanese movie made after a manga, where two men fall in love. They’d met in high school and one of them was on the track team. Yup, you guessed it, as his obsession with runners got hold of him, so did mine. Track replaced tennis and I did soon make the school’s track team. That ended up helping a lot with my college admission.
Then there was David Beckham. I think that one’s one of my brother’s favorites to this day. Then some rock star or another, then the actors. I lost track of all of them. I do remember Keanu, Brad, Stuart Townsend, the lead singer of Thirty Seconds to Mars, Adam Lambert, and a few others. I had vast collections of photos of all of them. I knew everything they did, watched their movies or went to their concerts. Anything to figure out what it was in them that made my brother like them so I could try to emulate it.
I never managed to be anything but myself. And even if I had, I was his little brother despite everything, so he never once looked my way with a shred of interest. Yet I kept trying to copy whoever caught his eye, even after having left home. Play toys, f**k buddies, celebrity crushes, I got myself acquainted with all of them. In a twisted way, I never gave up hope of my brother suddenly realizing he wanted me. Bad? Maybe. But it kept me alive, pushed me forward.
Did I ever consider getting a role model of my own? Yes, of course, but then I measured them against what my brother’s opinion of them would have been. Not promising at all. So I stuck to his heroes and crushes instead. They did push me far enough. I was an accomplished athlete, one of the youngest students on my college’s campus, and I knew a thing or two about fashion. I have always been the best looking, coolest geek around and that gave me privileged status.
Maybe I should have added this as my New Year’s resolution: find a role model that has nothing to do with my brother. Instead, my biggest resolution was to go out more and stop m**********g to the soundtrack of my brother f*****g someone else.
From: tristan_hastings@gmail.com
To: matthew.dobbs@gfp.com
Subject: Whose blog?
Dear Mr. Dobbs,
I don’t know who you are or what kind of prank this is, but I own no blogs. Sorry, this would be the email version of a wrong number answer ☺
Hope you find the person you are looking for,
Tristan Hastings
From: matthew.dobbs@gfp.com
To: tristan_hastings@gmail.com
Subject: RE: Whose blog?
Dear Mr. Hastings,
We know you own the domain name and run the blog. I appreciate you are concerned about your privacy, but our intention is not to expose you to the world. We are very good at finding people we are interested in. We are more than fine with using a pen name for the published book. Maybe even Adoring Kid Brother?
I have full authority to negotiate with you through any means you deem fit. It can be over email, phone, or in person in New York.
Please give this some thought, publishing Br0th3rly might be the beginning of a beautiful and quite lucrative writing career.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Matthew Dobbs
Senior Editor
Gay Fiction Publishing
- Writer
